Ambitions of A Stridah!!!

Man... today.. ya boy went skating..
Its funny how lil things can motivate me to have to do something..
As I was doing my to do list for my day off, I was listening to Aaliyah, and "At You Best" came on.. and we all know that that was in ATL, and that was NEW NEW songgggg.. SO I mentioned it to a few people and no one was really on it.. except for GLENDA. I was hype to go and I was glad I didnt have to go by myself bc I would have if no one wouldda went. I aint kicked it with Glen in a good while, so it was gonna be nice for her to be around.

So I pick her up around 830 and we head out there.. and we proceed to go to the rink.. We get there.. its not to bad of a crowd... mind u.. this is my first time skating in Columbus.. so I didnt know what to expect.. I didnt know how old or young the crowd was.. or how the music was gonna be..



Got me some skates and reality sets in.. all i hear in my head is... "Nigga.. u gonna fall TONIGHT!!" So I look at Glen like, "u ready?" and we stroll out.. the crowd wasnt doing too much at this point.. but everyone seemed to have they own skates.. I looked like a loser with the rentals on.. So "Going Back To Cali" is on.. MY SHIT.. im ready to "rollbounce" and shit.. I get out there on some "fisher price-my first skates- type shit" legs wobbly like a new born giraffe.. u hear me? Arms out like im bout to fly or something...

Then I get around the first turn and Im cool.. Glenda ass kept grabbing my hands.. and I aint even got my wheels rolling right just yet.. so I kept pushing her away or skating away from her.. cuz when I fall.. I aint tryna be the nigga to make a gurl fall too.. thats the worse.. "You ol outta control ass nigga gonna make a chick fall when u fall? u weak for that?" Thats all I could hear.. so i made sure she wasnt too close for that to happen... SO knew what she was doing too.. So I didnt wanna look like no fool..

They was playing all the good shit too.. all the old skool funk songs.. all the west coast songs (this is the only setting that WEST COAST songs are ok in my eyes) like e40 and throw back tupac and snoop.. all the good shit for you to stride too.. or at least try to.. When they played the slow songs, they gurls was doing they thang on the backwards skating side.. they was acting as if they was born with 8 wheels... That she was TOO cute.. seeing all the gurls with they lil skinny jeans on with they scarfs or whatever.. That shit was cute..

Its like a whole different side of the nitelife.. niggas was all smoking and drinking.. you couldnt tell if a nigga wear burgers bc everyone had on skates.. u would have to wait til the end of the night or something to see someone real footwork..

The whole time that Im skating.. Im hearing "New New" in my head like.."I can tell a lot about a man by the way he skate".. I just wanted to tell everyone.. "Hey.. I aint been on skates in like 6 or 7 years.. bare with me". These niggas was doing shit I never seen people do.. It was some niggas that dumb bummy that come in DEVEROES and they was the man at the rink... Im like damn... I need practice.. these people actually had skating teams and shit.. excuse my ignorance for not knowing.. It felt like I was a step show.. I was wondering.. how the hell do they know what each other bout to do?? do they really be practicing?? Maybe I need to.. I mean, I say this at the risk of sounding gay.. but yall know me.. NO HOMO.. but these niggas was out there gettin it.. they was looking too smooth.. I was just watching what everyone was doing and I was wonderin.. How do they skates do that?? Mine dont... See.. ::almosts falls::

I was peeping the gurls and their little cliques.. and it was cute how they were all off to the side doing all these lil dances that some chicks cant even do in gym shoes.. and when they got to doing that, the nigga wanna stride they ass over to the them tryna be noticed.. it was crazy.. The old people was in there grooving too.. it was one old dude that was skating backwards the whole time and it look like he was doing some "controlled falling" but it was just how he danced.. it looked like he falling off a cliff the whole time.. When u come with me next time, Ill show you..


Just like in the movie... "Gimme Someeee"

I took a coupla breaks cuz I nigga aint stretch or nothing.. so I was getting charlie horses in my toes.. OUCH!!! my toes were doing peace signs and shit.. So get back on the floor when they played "Chopped and Screwed" cuz thats still my shit.. then they played some more Pac.. and then my ultimate shit, "Ambitionz of a Ridah" came on.. I nigga was feeling it tooo hard.. so Im skating right? and this nigga lock up skates with me.. and I FELL.. Salty!! I bounce right up tho.. I tool it like a G.. At least I didnt fall on some fuckboy shit, tryna be cute or something.. at least it was someones fault.

That was about the end of the night.. I got the skating schedule to see when I can come on a slower night a practice or something.. RnB nights on sunday 5 to 8.. nigga... Im there with the old lady and groovin ass old me..

Later me and Glen went to Steak n Shake to talk about the night.. and that was it...

::side bar:: My cam be taking goods ass pics right??


SO hopefully more people will come with me next time.. I had dumb fun...

My Off Day To Do List... ((Update))

Okokok...
the days bout over.. so i thought I would update..
1. Thank God
-I def did that when i woke up.. even tho I was woke up by some loud ass noise that sounded like someone pounding on my door.. after I said "What the fuck?".. I prayed and thanked God for another day, another off day.. and another day with a job..

2. Clean the house
-I did it for the most part.. I picked up everything in my living room and kitchen.. i just havent picked up all the clothes in my bed room.. no ones gonna be there soon.. so im cool

3. Vacuum
I sprinkled some of that smell good stuff that my grandpa used to put on the floor before he vacuum and then I vacuumed.. that shit works.. when I come back in the house, it still smell like that.. so thats good..

4. Take out the Trash
I forgot to do that.. but im bout to go skatin so.. Ill do it on my way out..

5.Wash the Dishes
hated it.. but i did it..

6. Call Harper about the Studio
Harper is the local Millionaire up here who won the lottery that i been feeding my mixtapes too.. well he is the one who got me on with the radio show.. but the last couple weeks he been flukin.. so i was posed to go to the studio and meet him today.. but i didnt feel like hearin no bullshit on my day off so i passed

7. Pay Insurance
Didnt.. but dammit I need too.. I swear I will

8. Clean Car
Did.. vacuumed..and got that thang washed.. i mean everyone was gettin there car washed..

9. Get Stuff for APT
I thought I need TP.. but I didnt.. I got some paper plates, frebreeze, some plastic cups, dustpan, and some candles..

10. Go To Big Daddys.
I was lookin for something for the concert next week but I didnt make it to that side of town... but I did go to the mall ::thumbs down::

11 Find Alexis Something
Thats my goddaughter.. but I didnt see no good outfits for her.. so Ill try later.. ber bday is saturday

12. Contact Roniquia..
Shes my favorite in columbus.. i was tryna see if she was free so I can get some music off her external HD.. but she worked today..

13. Contact Glenda..
She was one I almost liked.. but she got some music on her comp I wanted.. so I went over there and got it off her laptop.. her and her cousin is gonna join me at the skating rink tonight..

14. Contact Lifestyle
I gotta give them my new bank card info.. but I didnt yet..

15. Visit Lifetime
Life time is the big workout gym in the city.. Im tryna get a lil bit back in shape.. i aint really tryna be skinny bc my head is too big for that.. but I do wanna lose a lil.. but Chavi did say that "she would rather have a Fat Mack than a Slim Thug" i wish more gurls felt that way

16 Return Macy's Shirt
I HATE returning.. I never do that.. but I didnt wanna waste my money.. i bought a shirt... didnt wear it.. didnt need it.. adn it cost too much for me to just say fuck it.. so I returned it..

17. Do Laundry..
I did 2 loads. i had to wash some sock and uniforms.. I got to see my friend TiTi up there.. i told she was gettin her "grown woman" on bc she was doin laundry.. and she told me i was gettin my "grown woman" on bc I was doing mine too.. hhhhaaaaaaaa... she got that off.. she also asked why I was dressed so nice to do laundry.. I was just matching in my opinion... I took it as a compliment..

I encourage everyone who blogs to do this..
Im sure urs would be interesting..

DJDURL

My B.I.G. Day

Man... People who know me, know how long ive been waitin to see the NOTORIOUS movie..

Way back when i first saw the preview... i was like.. ehhh.. then as more previews came out.. I got more excited.. as more advertisements were made.. i got more hype.. I even blogged about it..
But since One More Chance came out.. Ive been a BIG fan.. The video was like a house party that I wish I could throw and it just seemed fun.. I remember actually buying the cd single to that with the remix on it.. Ive had too many T-shirts with Biggie on them.. watched all the documentaries.. bought all the magazines.. i had the Source when he had the Grey suit on and the cigar.. way back in the day..
I mean.. i was him for halloween back in 06




So we all should know my excitement for the day of the movie..
I had prepared myself an outfit to wear so that i would be somewhat "festive" for the event.. i found me a red and black vest.. with the lumberjack print that Biggie rapped about.. and wore some Jordans that came out around 95.. something that he mightve even wore.. feel me? My bestfirned said i was goin to far.. but i dont get excited often.. so I went all out on this one.. so as the day arrived.. I made sure that i only had to work til 5.. so i would be ready at anytime to go..
My initial plans was to go to the movies with my bestfriend Ashley.. she knew how important it was for me.. so she wanted to come up from dayton to see it with me.. but all the snow and cold weather that came that week messed that up.. I told her not to risk it, and to just stay in Dayton.. So I decided to go with some coworkers..
I burned the clean version of "Life After Death" so we could play it in the store.. and we did.. as it played all the customers would automatically start talkin about their plans for the night to see the movie.. That got me even more hype.. While at work.. we all named each other someone in the BadBoy family.. (we goofy right?)... of course.. I was big.. my Assistant Quan, was Puff.. My full timer, Rachel, was Lil Kim.. bc we all know that outta everyone in Columbus I know.. Rachel is the most down for me and gets the most jealous.. knowing this.. Franny was named, Faith..Fran dont work there.. but wherever she calls for me.. "Lil Kim" gets jealous.. so it all makes since.. Leon was Jay Z and another light skinned cashier was Charli Baltimore.. So all day, we spoke with new york accents and called each other by our new names.. it was funny as hell..
Knowing that it was bout to be crazy trying to get tickets.. I had my nigga Dre buy me and Lil Kim a ticket for the 915 show.. good thing bc it was later sold out.. So I got dressed.. pick her up from work and we shooted straight to the theatre.. Dre ended up going to the 830 show.. and Roniquia was gonna meet us there.. Dre called and told me, "whenever you were planning on gettin here.. get here 20 mins earlier". SO I heeded to his words and sped there.. All the garages at Easton were filled to capacity.. So i had to park a lil far.. esp for how cold it was..
So Rachel and I hopped out and ran to the theatres inside of the Easton Mall.. and I saw that we werent the only one rushing to the doors.. I texted Roni to make sure she still had seats for us.. and she did.. So I told her to look for the Bubble vest.. When we got in.. it was stupid deep with kids.. Thank God Im old enough to get through all the security checks.. I had to show ID 2 times.. I guess that good bc I had already heard about the nude scenes..
So get i it..
Saw Roni..
and go to the top to get in the seats..
Good seats.. thanx Roniquia
The crowd wasnt too deep yet.. but this was a nigga movie and it was still a good 15 mins before it started..
People began filing in.. more white people were there than I thought too..
lights got low.. and made sure that Rachel knew that I wasnt bout to get up to get anything while the movies were on.. she so she would know..
But I did want an icee tho..
Anyways..
The previews were good.. Beyonce and Madea got some good movies on deck..
So as the movie goes on.. i pay close attention to the accurancy of the movie.. I loved the comedic side of it.. you know I always got jokes..
Roniquia did have a lil bet goin on.. I told her that Lil Kim would be naked 4 times.. I think she ended up being naked 3 tho.. but shit.. that was good enough.. naturi was a pretty lil kim

It def couldda been worse..
Faith was a good look in the movie.. and Derek Luke was my nigga everytime he did the Puffy dance..
I love the movie a lot.. and Im glad I got to go with the people that I went with.. I never get to spend time with Roniquia.. so that was good.. and Rachel got all emotional and cried at the end...
Since the movie dropped.. its all people have been talkin about lately (other than our new president) and i love to engage in the conversations.. it was really a great experience..

It has made me to decide to go to BROOKLYN for my bday.. i pray that God allows this.. this would be so great for me to experience the birthplace of hip hop.. and where two of raps legends came from... Jay and BIG.. shit... even Fab.. I just wanna walk down the street.. smell the air.. hear the noises.. eat the food from the street vendors.. and shop my ass off.. I wanna catch a cab.. i wanna go across the bridge..

i cant wait..
so ARE U COMIN WITH ME????

So I Got This From Sam...

Sam had some questions on her blog that I thought might be interesting to answer.. since everyone elses questions for me are taking so long to come..

heres sams blog.. go read.. its interesting.. and you might wanna read older blogs to be current with the stories.. you might catch me in one of them..
http://mzinspiredmind.wordpress.com/


10 Things you wish you could say to ten different people
1. You have really fell off since i stopped messing with you..
2. Youre negativity about everything is sooo unattractive
3. If I take one more drink.. im gone end up _______ you
4. If you would cheat on him, you would cheat on me..
5. I wish I knew what was wrong so I could make things right for you..
6. The dudes that you like are lame as fuck forreal.. "recognize a real one when you see one" as my nigga BIG said..
7. I cant forget how u hurt me when i see you.. but damn u do look good..
8. You werent my 1st.. or even my second..
9. I think your "loudness" is a defense mechanism
10. You stupid as hell for still being with dude..

9 Things about yourself
1. You will hardly ever see me look in a mirror
2. I would never take club photos in the past bc they always ended up on t-shirts
3. I dont really want kids but I would love to have a lil me running around and I would also like to have a lil daughter that I could protect..
4. I love watching the food channel
5. I would trade any club night.. with a night in with someone I really like..
6. I had a deep fear for bad news.. and letting my family down
7. I would love to have sex on a balcony while its raining..
8. Makes buying shoes too much of a priority sometimes..
9. I miss my mom.. i wish she lived in columbus with me..

8 Ways to win my heart
1. If we are in the same room.. make eye contact with me, and smile..
2. When a song that reminds you of me comes on.. tell me..
3. Support DJ DURL, and love Darrell
4. If we are somewhere shopping.. tell me what you would like to see me in.
5. Lay on me and let me play in your hair
6. Make my house, your house.. i love feeling as if she might be staying with me tonight..
7. Invite me somewhere with you and your friends.. and dont call me your "friend, manager, this dude, or something else meaningless"
8. Cook with and for me on sundays b/c I HATE being alone on sunday evenings...

7 Things that cross my mind a lot
1. Will I ever have kids..
2. I wonder who is watching me and loving the way I am me..
3. I wonder who is watching mw and waitin to see me fail
4. Will I make it into Heaven?
5. How does God feel about me?
6. Why am I so scared to get my music shit together and be on stage with it?
7. Am I really appreciated by everyone?

6 Things I do before I go to sleep
1. Check my facebook
2. Check My phone
3. Make sure I see where my keys are so I know where they are in the morning
4. Thank God for today..
5. Watch First 48
6. Turn on my Lloyd mix and lay down

5 People I couldn’t live without
1. God
2. Mom
3. Thats
4. About
5. It!

4 Things I am wearing right now
1. Hoop Shorts
2. Wife Beater
3. Boxers
4.

3 Songs that fit my life perfectly(right now)
1. Young Jeezy - Crazy World
2. Jodeci - Im Still Waiting
3. Musiq - Forthenight

2 Things I want to do before I die
1. Go to Brooklyn
2. Make u happy..

1 Confession
I didnt have sex til I was 20.. by choice.. not by chance.. please believe..

Frustration

Ladies and Gentleman...
I do appreciate all of your feedback lately.. Quietly, I been going through it.. I hate to bore you with it.. but Im just goin to act as if this is my diary.. so you do have to read..

First i will define frustration to have all of this make sense...
a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

I am frustrated.

I feel as if im in a mental boxing match.. Im taking this punches.. and im blockin but now im starting to feel them.. As much as I hate to speak on negativity.. esp in my life.. I will see if this will help any..
Ima young adult.. so image means a lot to us... I never want anyone to have a negative image about me.. honestly.. if you dont work with me, you dont really get to see me... I never really have much face to face time with you.. and all you have of me is our memories, my facebook status or pics and my blog entries.. we all know that people tend to remember the negative things more than the postive... so thats why I never try to leave you with a negative image..

Some things that are frustrating me are these things:

This money issue is getting to me.. I got money.. im just tired of the money Im getting.. Dont get me wrong.. I thank God for the salary I get.. it gets me thru and helps my shoe fetish, but damn... I need to find a new way.. I need to get more gwap.. who doesnt? This is minor tho.. im not trippin too much on this one.. im just bitching bc I paid my bills today..

Of course these females.. Ive spoke on how gurls take me the wrong way.. or some just dont get me... I know ima lil different, but im not that different.. I know I have a problem with expressing myself and im not really agressive at trying to get to know new people, so that could be part of my problem. I feel as if I am at the age to settle down, but that dont mean Ima settle for less. I want someone close to me, mentally and physically. I wanna have something to look forward to when I get off work... I want someone who will be my best friend. This is prolly why I like/love my bestfriends so much.. My two female best friends are how I would like my chick to be like.. Just real women. I love them for that. They both bring out different sides of me.. Tyra always makes me wanna be better.. she love me bc Im better than most of these niggas.. I come correct to people.. She gets it in with work, school and being a mom.. She has her own home and a nice car.. all by herself.. her ambition to grind til she gets it is what I love to see a gurl have.. and my other bestfriend, Ashley, is someone who is breaking through all of lifes struggles and making ways out of no ways.. using all resources to make sure her and my God daughter make it to the top.. and the most important thing about this women is that they are God-fearing Christians.. but both of these women are my friends.. just my friends.. I want someone close to me that will bring out different things in me.. I do have emotions.. who can bring them out? I care.. who can get me to show that?

Then the thing that gets me is when I start to wonder all of these things about women, another part of me says.. dont even worry about it, brah... yeah.. I call myself brah sometimes.. but anyways.. Theres no reason to go tryna to make a situation that God doesnt have in His plans.. I cant try to make a situation different than what it is.. I cant stress on finding the one God made for me.. God will have them find me.. I hope they shop at Deveroes or something bc thats the only place I see people.. I just get reminded at times how SINGLE I am.. I wanna buy nice things for someone special, or I wanna go some where.. I wanna see a movie.. these are all things that u need someone for.. but these things also take away from my money.. so I guess it aint always too bad...

My latest issue is with my family.. not a bad one as if they did something to me.. its just the things going on.. My grandpa is dying.. Born in 1926, my Grandpa has seen it all.. and Im glad he seen a black president.. but his time is almost up.. I feel as if I have to be the strong one.. My dad is gonna crack.. my sisters already calling me crying everyday.. his wife is gonna be done with.. and my Aunts gonna be hurt too.. So I feel as my 26 yr old self is gonna have to be the one that Grandpa is proud of for taking care of the family.. Its hard from up here tho.. But also, Im glad Im not around so I wont be so down.. I havent cried since my Grandma died in November of 06.. I cried a coupla times after over it when I was with Erin, but after the pain of losing my grandma and then being played by ol gurl.. my emotions have been bottled up... locked away.. never opened.. Im emotionally frustrated.. Im scared to cry.. I cried when she died and I couldnt stop.. I have strong feelings about things.. and I really get hurt when stuff like this happens.. I dont wanna cry in front of my friends.. but I also dont wanna cry alone? That make sense? I just hate knowing something not positive is bout to happen.. Im praying for my grandpa.. I just dont want him to suffer... and its hard when I have to work all day, away from my family, and my sister calls me crying in the middle of my day decribing how bad things are.. I cant do nothing.. i hate it that its like that.. but I cant.. i cant even show emotions bc if im sad, my sisters is going to be worse.. so I just tell her to pray, stop crying and not to let Grandpa see her like that... We know that Grandpa dont like seein us emotional like that.. I got my first hug from him this year bc he says "He dont hug"... i had to take me a hug from my grandpa..

And im not even gonna talk about sexual frustration...

but hopefully this has helped me a lil bit..

Shaking my Head...

I know its so cliche to say "im different... im not like most niggas"
But i honestly believe that I aint.. i dont think like the guys that u normally meet, like, love or hate..
I really feel a separation between me and them...

I say that to speak on this..

So I have female friends and they def outnumber the males.. so one night.. while textin a friend of mine.. female of course.. by the time the conversation starts its already late... we both express our boredom and I say how both of us kickin it would keep us from being bored.. she expresses how late it is.. I express how grown we are.. and told her that if she gets sleepy, she could just say here..
I had no intentions of doing anything extra with her.. i mean, shes cute.. but I dont want her.. we already had our period of talkin.. it went no where.. but I did like her company... shes cool.. intelligent and she aint a hood rat..

So after sayin this to her, she like.. "I dont think thats a good idea.. we are cool and I like that but im not cool with spendind the night with you.. i dont wanna go back to that and I hope u understand that"

HOLD UP.. to me.. as a dude.. i was a little offended.. as if she was thinkin I had alterior motives and I was tryna to say what I could to get her to come sleep with me for other reason than to sleep.. I wish these gurls knew me...

Ladies.. a few of you who read this has actually been around me enough to know that, if im ready to go to sleep.. thats all thats gonna happen..
I have a bed and a footon.. can a nigga just want someone around sometimes?? My life aint always as glamorous as everyone makes it.. Im not always hugged up on some chick.. I like company.. and I rarely get it.. so when I offer time to someone.. I hate it when they think Im "trying to do something". I instantly get offended.. I just wanna be like, "I dont wanna fuck you anyways really..." Dont play me like Im some thirsty ass nigga.. please dont do that... if you want to know the truth... ask anyone who has been with me... Im not the sexaholic.. not at all.. I mean.. a nigga like to have someone around.. and if I am physical with someone.. I might touch a lil more or so.. but never am I a sex fiend.. I might be a "head" fiend more than anything but thats a whole nother blog.. I just ask you.. please dont get it twisted... maybe I just want you around..

Darrell

I Think Im In Love...... Again.

As the song, "Prototype" goes... I really feel the strong feeling of love again...

I been tryna chill for a whle.. stay focused with work an tryna move to my next level.. whatever that might be.. i been just tryna pumy thought to the back of my mind... but i fnally gave in.. and went back... i followed my heart back to a fimiliar place.. place that im always happy.. where the things on the outside are just things on the outside... when I dont feel like doing anything else... when i get so caught up that i dont even answer phone calls or return txts...

This music shit has me soooo sprung out.. Today is my first off day since since i went to pic my comp up from my dayton.. For those who dont knw.. My comp got fucked up on my over the christmas time.. it stopped turning on .. and when it did turn on, it would shut itself off before it finished loading.. I had some corrupt files.. and everything had to be deleted... SALTY... like deep heart break.. i was hurt to lose all of my progams and mixes that ive made over the last 4 years since this happened... You would think that since this has happened before that I would have learned... NOPE.. im hard headed.. Ive learned this tme.. I got me a flashdrive and im goin to purchase a external hard drive also...

But today, as I downloaded limewire and went to all my sercret websites with all the new and good music... i felt oooo happy hearing music again.. ive been listenin to the same things for about a month now.. i was getting tired of it... While watchin a BIGGIE documentary on BET, i started downloading all my favorite bad boy songs.. then after reciting all my favorite lines.. i went and downloaded my favorite Jay Z songs.. and now Im downloading my favorite OUTKAST songs... just love the way the music makes me feel.. I wish a woman ge grab me the way this music does... I would have a ring on deck.. this is such my passion and I thank God everyday for keeping a song in my head ALL the time..