Feeling Some Type Of Way...

I gotta get some things out before I go to sleep.. is 3:08am.. and this is def a honesty hour for me..

Im no where near famous.. but i realize that I am a known nigga and i do put my self out there to be known for a few things.. its just me.. i dont need the attention, but its welcomed.. I like being the nigga to know.. Its funny but i speak about this to my columbus friends sometimes, but im more known than a lot of the people that I know that have been here their whole life.. I mean, I got more perks out on the town more than a lot of these domestics.. This isnt my town, but month by month its seems to be more and more..

With that being said.. I got people around me, and they are around most of the time when im out and about... and Ive had it brought ot my attention from people that are on the outside lookin in, and ive been told that some people are just my friend bc of "what" i am, not "who" i am.. Ive been told that some people hang on my coat tails just to rub elbows with people then been wanting to know.. like they groupie me, so they can groupie someone else.. So lately, Ive been evaluating friendships and associates.. and it does seem like that sometimes.. I hate to sound cocky or high on myself, but if u fuck with me, you can skip a few lines, get VIP access, get in free, see ur favorite artist, get a free shirt, .. just random shit that maybe an average dude cant do... what do i ask in return ever? nothing.. nothing at all. I cant remember the last time ive asked hardly anyone for anything.. All I really want is is time.. I would love to have some valueable time with some of my friends.. most of my friends i only see at the club.. there more to life than that.. When do I ever go to the mall or go to the movies or go out to eat or go to church or anything more personal with a lot of my friends?? When u see me in pix with my friends, you see us at the club or at the bar or at a show.. when do u see us at the crib chillin or play games or at gameworks or at skating, or taking a walk?? It dont happen.. It bothers me, but I never want to speak on it.. bc if i say something about it, then it starts happening, then it seems false, like ur doing it to pacify or appease me.. im cool.. i'd rather continue to do bad by myself.. when was the last time u came through and was like, "i wanna hear u mix" or.. "u want something to eat, I got u" or "that one movie comin out.. u wanna go?"...

I was in a room full of 1000 people tonight and felt LONELY as hell..

Why?

Because all of these experiences Im having, I dont have anyone close to share it with.. yeah my peoples was there.. but where is that "one" tho? Who am I gonna look back at this stuff with later on in life with? I mean, how many people u know got ot skip the line and get in free at a fuckin DRAKE concert?? ::points at self and Roniquia:: I mean.... like all of these things I always reserve it for someone else to come with me, but there not too many consistent people here for me.. Like, not knockin my present company for the Drake show, but why couldnt it have been a love interest that I had these priviledges for?? My close friends are gettin all the perks.. Since they are around I would say they deserve it.. no one has stepped up to me.. I feel as if I am overlooked and everyone is choosin these WEAK ass niggas over me.. If youre a female and ur reading this.. im talkin to you.. FLAT OUT.. any nigga u might be with might not be as good as me.. if u knew like I knew... u would understand.. Possibilities are damn near infinite when fuckin with me.. and if ur a ladie who has messed with me and u really aint see much from me.. look at urself... did u derserve better treatment?? did I feel as if u were down for me as much as I am for u?? No.. bc I still have never gotten the chance to do the things I would love to do in a relationship.. Is this my fault?? I will definitely say no..

As of Today.. I feel as if ONE person has stepped up to the plate.. She does show me how much she thinks about me, daily. She tells me how much or a great person I am. She loves me, she tells me. She puts in the effort to see me, and she likes me and is not ashamed to let a nigga know that all the time. She is my emotional outlet, she knows my potential and love Darrell. She dont care about me being known. She just cares that I care about her, and that I know that she loves me and is thinkin of me all the time. I mean, she says im the BEST and everythin I do is way better then she ever could have expected.

A man needs to know that he is important.. a man needs to feel like a man..

Just know that I will NEVER be okay with being second place on ANYTHING.. whether its my job or a relationship.. I am TOO GOOD of a man to allow myself to be second to anyone.. or to be someones "fallback".. I will not be that dude that u keep on deck while u do whatever.. im not him or will I ever allow myself to be him..

Know that...