Missing...

Man.. just made this good ass mix (at least I think so.. http://urgurlsfavoritedj.podomatic.com/) with some good ass RnB.. some good ass songs that will get u in that good mood to call someone up for some conversation or some company..

Well, it kinda got me there too.. as much as I dont allow myself to get there.. it almost did.. I aint the type to lead people, so I aint bout to act like I like someone, or make myself like someone just bc no one is around me now..

No, im not LONELY, i would never say that.. even if i was lonely, I still wouldnt say it.. but im not tho... honestly but sometimes the emotions feel like they are missing some times..

Like today I was watching Keri Hilsons lil video for "Make Love" and I thought it was well shot.. the video shows emotions and anticipation. I remember the days where I would be at work, aticipating the hour for me to leave.. to go see who ever it was that was textin me all day and thinking about me when I aint around..

but nowadays, attachments are nonexistant.. I dont look forward to seein no one. I dont really look forward to hearin from no one.. theres no consistancy in that department.. Im not trippin tho..

Here's some things I miss tho:
- "I'll be there in a minute" (rather its me sayin that or them..)
- A kiss goodbye given on the forehead in the morning before I go to work
- this text "What u want me to cook for dinner?"
- Being at the club, and knowing I wont be standing by myself when the slow songs come on..
- Movie-night Sundays
- Eye contact from across ANY room..
- Inside jokes.
- Current slow songs having meaning
-"My mom invited you to have dinner with us tonight"
- "Can you come check my oil, I dont know what to look for" (sometime you wanna like a man)
- "I just came from the store and I got your favorite ________"

But with all of these things, there are so many things I DONT miss like:
-"Why are you always mixing?"
- Finding my phone in someone elses hand..
- "I know she like you, why else would she be smiling when she see you?" (people cant be nice?)
- "You got allll the bitches, you're the 'gurls favorite DJ' "
- "Where U At?", i hate it when that the first thing a gurl asks.. can I get a hello?
- Not being able to wind down by myself sometimes.. sometimes you just wanna be alone without being bothered..


The negatives outweigh the positives to me sometimes.. esp when my focus shouldnt be trying to take care of someone, it should be taking care of me.. It sounds selfish, but I still have never met a WOMAN try to help me get to the next level of whatever Im focused on if it aint her... Chavi has really been the only one who has helped... she just wasnt around long enough.. Other than her, no female has tried to get me to a better position in my job or wanted me to mix more so I could get more exposure or whatever with my music..

That being said, I gotta stay focused on me.. I didnt stay in school, so other than my job, I dont have nothing else to fall back on for support.. I gotta take care of me.. but sometimes it feels as if something is missing.. I fall into those thoughts, then I soon snap out of it... bc who is really out here on my side? No one but me..

Man, yall dont know what these blogs have done for me internally.. usually once I take the time to type all of these things out.. the emotions fade.. without blogging.. they stay bottled in.. i wish I could blog about everything like this so I could let everything out.. Im still salty that most of yall aint comment on my last blog tho.. I know I had yall puzzled and shit. Thats why I havent blogged too much lately.. cuz I wanted that last one to marinate on yall.. but yall just slept on it..

Well goodnight blog family.. leave me some comments sometimes.. let me know I aint just speakin to myself..