So, I Was Thinking...

7 Days Doesn't Make 1 Weak

2010-02-08T16:29:00.002-05:00

A lil play on words on that one..

But in my quest for growth, I will be going through a few steps to find a better understanding of few things. In life, I've never wanted to seem to be addicted to anything that I couldn't put down. So rather it be drinking, clubbing, or whatever if I felt that it was controlling me more than I was controlling it, then I would make the decision to stop the action to show that I am (with God's help) stronger than any addiction.

So over these past months.. Ive had to drop my addictions to retail (clothes & shoes) and to the clubs. The first one I've actually had help with bc of the lack of money but I am still fighting it. The clubs are getting easier to stay out of now adays. I don't like being up all night, I don't like being drunk, or worrying about what I have to wear or who might see me. So those two have been kicked.

So now.. my next thing to drop is TWITTER (dun dun dunnnnn). Yeah, we all seemed to be addicted to this social network. Twitter has done a lot of good networking for me and has allowed me to keep in touch with my friends through out the days but it has also been a slight disstraction to a few things that should have priority over Twitter... So I have decided to take a week off and see how many more things I can get accomplished with all this extra time.

With this extra time, I plan to read my Bible more at work, read "Our Daily Bread", google other info that I might need to be productive to make more money, and to just get more things done around the house..

I think the biggest thing for me that Im going to miss about twitter is the instant information, but lately it aint be nothin be useless info and instant nonsense, so I will be ok without seeing everyone being #thirsty4 attention, people bragging on how my purp they smoke or whatever usless things I dont need to know.

SOoo.. in later weeks, I plan on fasting from a few other things that might have too much control over my life, I have to make sure the God doesnt feel as if I place anyone in front of him. When it gets to the point where I check Twitter before I thank God, then thats the issue.

I will be using my blog hopefully more this week so I can keep myself for using any of these social networks.. So we will see how this work..

Yoooo...!!!

2010-02-05T17:24:00.002-05:00

Whats the word my peoples??
I apologize for the lack of posting.. and I will def spare you from the cliche line of "its been a long time, i shouldnt have left you.. without a dope post to read to" blazay... but if you know me and you follow me.. im sure you have really missed a beat... and key word of the last statement is "follow".. bc for me, TWITTER has killed the blogger...
I had planned to get on Twitter for it to be the place where I interject statements in between blogs, but info would come some quick on twitter that no news was new.. bc the same way I was recieving info, they were too.. The one thing I did slip on was my album reviews.. i did love making my albums reviews over there on Holiday Dreamin... I also slowed down on this blog bc I felt like I needed to cut my personal business out of being in the public.. you know they say that "too many chefs will spoil the soup"... so too many people were tryna help me with situations, and it wasnt exactly helping.. then, the more i would explain my feelings, the more some people would start catching feelings, thinking they KNEW me and they we getting to know me better... I dont mind u getting closer... but I dont want everyone to like me...
So I had to pump my brake on the issues I was releasing to yall... when I would vent.. someone would catch feelings.. if I stated my opinion.. someone would end up with their opinion on my opinion.. ITS MY OPINION!!!! (in my Lil wayne, "Its my cup" voice)

So I fell back on it... so that yall could fall back a lil.. i had to start speaking more general and less specific, bc people do have feelings involved, and as much as i try to ignore it, people do have their feelings wrapped in me. So I might began again.. but Im soooo private now adays.. that Ill just prolly continue with just general thoughts..

I love yall that read my thoughts tho and I do appreciate everyone who might take time outta their busy day to read my lil thought... I do love yalls opinions too.. It does help at times, but if u know me, ima remain me. AT ALL TIMES..

Well I really just did this bc my phone died while at work and I wasnt able to tweet, but my time at work should be winding down sooon so Im going wrap this up...

My Thoughts and Memories..

2009-06-29T01:38:00.000-04:00

Man..
I know yall aint really known me since childhood.. so yall dont know how much MJ was a part of me in my childhood... when I heard about he dyin.. it never hit me.. I been in denial since thursday.. I wish yall could see my old pictures of me in my t-shirt that says BEAT IT.. that I wanted to wear everyday as a child.. I wish yall could see my brown leather jacket that I always connected to MJ.. Moms never bout me a Beat It jacket.. so I used what I had.. whenever a MJ video was abou to come on.. I used to always run to my closet.. put on that jacket and my church shoes and slide all across my moms kitchen acting like Mike..

My dad got old vcr tapes of me as a child doing all my MJ impression with the dance moves and every adlib he had on each song.. I studied his music, his videos and all his performances.. That was my idol.. I wanted anything I could get with his face, voice or name on it.. Music has been my life since birth, and who else has influence music as much as him?? No One...

These days since his passing I having had a chance to realyl sit and reflect and mourn.. I know it might seem like a lil too much or whatever.. but Im really affected by this.. Even more than when BIGGIE died.. i mean that was my nigga.. but Biggie was only around for like 3 yrs.. not hardly enough time as MJ.. Mike has ALWAYS been here.. even in his absence from the mainstream or main stage, he has still been the holder of some of my fondest childhood memories and some of my favorite songs... "Lady In MY Life" has always been a song I wanted played at my wedding..

Im usually good at masking and ignoring my feeling and emotions but I feel like I need to let this out.. and i hope blogging will help me move on.. I dont really get to speak about it in depth to no one bc no one around me now has been around me long enough to know how deep this is to me.. or everyone is too young to appreciate him as much as me.. I mean I was born in 1982. This is the year that THRILLER came out.. I knew how to do the dance in full prolly by the time most of yall were born.. This was the music my parents used to play to get me to go to sleep, do my homework, clean the house or whatever.. It has been the soundtrack to my life.. So to know that there will be no more of these songs, no more reunion tours, no more special appearances, no more nothin LIVE, it HURTS... like it HURTS like i lost a family member.

I wish he could have seen all of this love that he is getting. I hate it that his like decade or so has been so filled with turmoil and hate. I hate it that my love for humanitarian lessened while he was around.. It sound crazy but I feel like I failed him.. He has did nothin but live his life for us. Since his childhood, he has lived to making EVERYONE smile.

Ima speak on the day that he died:
Thursday, June 25th 2009
Of course I had to work at deveroes.. I had to do a open to close bc it was my assistants off day. So I was prepared for a long day. The past week had been really trying, shit the whole month has.. I been to court 2 times this month and got a ticket last saturday, and lately all of this has been gettin to me. Thursday equals pay day, so that should make thing better right? No. I was kinda broke due to gas prices, and bill payments. So I just knew that none of this money was really mine. I woke up to a text from TMobile tellin me that my bill was due. This being a $300+ bill due to my minute usage the month before. STRESS. This is my rent check. so thats $400. Stress. So I got a ticket as I said, so when I got to work Thursday, I checked to see how much it was gonna be. I read up on it, and i found out that its $220. Due by the 30th. Stress. Then when I got pulled over, they told me that I had a possible warrant.
So I called on that, after being on hold for 35 mins, I found out that I do. STRESS. I never received my paperwork for my last court date. Since it had past, I was isssued a bench warrant. STRESS. Then, Im at work, and my cashier is a NO CALL NO SHOW. more stress.. its gettin to me.. I dont have no help forreal. I made things that way kinda too bc my parents always seemed to play me when I was young that I asked for too much or that I wanted too much or that I was too spoiled. Like they didnt make me like that. So when that bein thrown in my face enough, Ive learned not to ask no one for nothing. So I do it all myself...
So the days was goin by and I just kept saying.. "I dont need no more bad news". I even tweeted "Is it against the law to get good news?"... we shit, it sure seems like it. So Im just workin my day away.. still holdin my stress in and around 530, i start gettin tweets about MJ goin into cardiac arrest and in the hospital.. I was like Damn.. he prolly workin too hard.. he will be ok.. I continue workin.. and start gettin tweet saying he died.. Im like YEAH RIGHT.. they just talkin to fast.. MJ aint bout to die.. So I keep workin.. and then my whole page of updates is sayin that he died... this cant be true.. I actually had to sit down.. and wait for some more updates..
Update after update kept saying that he was dead.. then some where sayin that the info was false.. so i was holdin onto that.. Then someone came in the store and said Katie Couric said he was dead.. i instantly said "Fuck Katie".. thats how I felt.. sorry.. I just told everyone that I didnt need any more bad news.. NOW THIS? So im salty.. but still not believing nothing.. I got two workers with me that dont understand what Im goin thru bc they were both born in 91.. It starts raining.. That in my head was my confirmation that he died.. I dont know why, but that made me know that it was true.. Then my dad calls me. He called my cell, I didnt pick up. He called my store phone, bc he knows how important this is. He asked how was I doing. I said OK, it hasnt effected me yet. He said right when he heard the news, he had to call me bc he knows how much I love MJ. I get him off the phone quick bc I didnt really wanna talk about it. so when I got off, I went to Kroger bc I didnt wanna go home and watch tv and see all the coverage.. My nigga Derrick called me, and told me that I needed to do a tribute mix ASAP.. I know I did. I told him to record me some vocals so I can personalize it and make it current with the news. He did and i thank him for that.
I went home and turned on CNN and they were transpoting his body by helicopter.. I was salty.. they kept speakin of him in past tense.. I hated hearing that. The thing that hit me was when they showed the bag he was in.. andthey carried him from the the helicopter to the van.... OUCH!!! they hurt me. So I download all the songs I needed.. I didnt have enough space on my comp but this was more important than any GUCCI MANE song I had or whatever.. So I deleted and lot of BS (3 Gucci Mixtapes, Beyonces cd, Gorilla Zoe, Asher Roth, etc) that I either wont ever listen to, or could easily download if I needed it again. So I listened and let the music inspire me to do what I could to show my appreciation. That was my night..

All day the next day.. we played the music at work.. all day we heard memories of Micheal.

It really hit me tonight when I was watching the BET awards and they brought out Janet.. aww man.. that hurt to see her pain.. I thought of my sister instantly.. then they showed the picture of them two in the background.. man.. that hurt me.. i actually dropped a coupla of tears off that one..

I just had to get all of this out.. thanks for listening.. well reading...

I need me a good RIP MJ shirt.. ASAP... when u see one.. let me know..

Can I speak about Her real quick?

2009-06-04T00:25:00.003-04:00

So ive said my lil subliminals about how special this person is to me.. and how we have gotten closer and she has been my rock and positive light.. she has been my sunshine and she has made me laugh everyday we speak.. Its weird to find someone that I have connected with on many levels... We just be laughin our asses off tho... I hope yall find yall someone like I have.. Our friendship has grown so deep.. we be having too much fun... we see the same things and laugh.. we be at the clubs laughin at people.. we just have good times together.. the best of times.. we miss each other all the time bc we in different cities.. Dayton holds my heart... we have made the craziest connections... im just happy to be happy.. and she has really helped me get there and to stay there.. I pray that yall find someone HALF as down for yall as she is for me.. ok ok ok.. I aint gonna say much more.. I just wanted to show my appreciation... i mean damn, everyone else has just about had shout out on my blog.. she was bound to get hers soon...

My Enemy...

2009-06-03T21:29:00.003-04:00

SO theres not too many things that seem to be against me right??

If u know me, you know that I dont really have any haters, and I dont have beef with no one except for my old room mates.. So who could be my enemy?

Darrell is..

So lets open up shall we??

Im sittin home, on a wednesday, while all of my columbus friends are gettin ready to go out to Whaddup Wednesday... which is what we do.. so why am I not going??

Well.. my minds has been going crazy lately.. and its bothering me.. Since my last blog, I havent really gotten over things in my head.. From the outside lookin in, Im very nonchanlant and carefree.. but in my head.. i OVER analyze things.. more about myself then others.. and thats really deep if u know how much I analyze others.. So since my weak ass debut kinda messed me up in the head.. im been wondering.. "Is this the life I wanna live?".. I love music.. I would love to get paid for it, but I really am not lookin for the fame forreal.. I would like to be known a lil more.. but I dont want my life to change.. and even moreso, I dont want the people around me to change.. THATS the BIG thing..

As much as people would think that they will be the same.. i know they wont if i hit a certain level of popularity. People expect more.. and sometimes too much.. For example.. say that I get more famous and get to DJ a concert.. do I really want my phone blown up all day and night about free tickets, VIPs, and Skip-the-lines? HEll NAH.. but thats what people do... I dont want any false friendships due to where someone might think they could go off knowing me.. I see the groupies from afar.. i just wanna keep them bitches away.. sorry for the B-word..

The other big thing that I always hate to admit or recognize that holds me back is FEAR.. my fear of failing, wasting money or just not being as good as i expect is what holds me back.. I really let thatpump the brakes on my progress and I cant let that happen no more... I need to do this.. I cant let this shit hold me back.. Im in competition.. I compete with a lot of people that dont even know me.. shit.. i gotta compete with the gurl I like bc I aint even her favorite DJ.. so I got some moving to do... typin all of this has helped me mentally.. i just gotta get that money right... I be worried about having a late start bc of my age and me not really havin the money for everything like all the other DJ's around me do.. but I gotta get to getting it forreal.. I need to make myself proud and to make u all proud..

I was bout to talk more about this shit.. but fuck it.. I aint bout to give my fear anymore energy to live in me and in my heart.. im praying that I get passed all of this.. pray with me....

MY Day... Blah...

2009-05-30T03:05:00.003-04:00

Well right now its 3:05 am on May 30th.. but ima talk about my whole day of May 29th.. ughh..

First of all.. im sorry to my 8 followers on here that I havent been blogging.. see heres the reason.. I started this blog bc I didnt have no one to talk to about none of my problems, thoughts or issues.. well lately.. someone has actually been there for me to talk to.. so I usually get my venting out with her.. or she usually takes my mind off things... but since she is dead sleep.. I gotta vent on here..

So this morning.. I had to wake up early for traffic court.. I had to be there at 9.. got there about 9:15 bc I can never find a parking spot.. but i got there and it was like 75 people in one court room... so it was at capacity.. im like "Damn... i bet the cops made their quota".. so i sign in and sit outside bc the court is first come, first serve.. and apparently i had a got 70 people ahead of me.. So i knew i was in there for a minute.. SALTY.. im tired than a bitch.. and i got sit down here by myself with all these weirdos and burger wearers... So to waste time, im goin thru me and Britt old text bc that always makes me smile.. I love readin old text messages from people.. its like my journals.. weird? so what?

So i see a few people leavin so I find me a seat.. my name was called quicker than I thougth.. SO I spoke to the prosecutor.. told him that I had a valid license and my insurance was up to date.. blah blah blah.. I told him a few lies (which I hate that I did bc I NEVERRRRR lie), but I had to.. i needed my L's back.. so he told me that he would drop my charges if I paid courts cost.. COOL.. i agreed.. I waited a few momnets.. got my sheet and paid.. then I banged out..

I texted Roni to see how she was doin... she invited me to lunch.. I wanted to go.. but I was already late for work and I KNEW I was gonna get lost.. but she later told me that she would come see me at work so we could talk about later on..

SO Im walkin to the parking lot... and...... I cant find my truck.. I knew I parked on the 3rd level.. but the 3rd level wasnt lookin familiar.. so Im up and down, looking down the rows.. and NOTHING.. 15 mins later I found out that I was on the wrong side of the 3 level.. SALTYYYY..

So I leave.. get to talk to Britt.. she brighten up my morning.. made me forget about the earlier bullshit.. then I make it to work...

So at work on a friday.. u would expect the store to be jumpin.. NOT AT ALL today.. I hate workin when its slow bc Im used to bein in the face pace stores... and I will get bored REAL easily...So all day.. a nigga dumb bored.. until my District manager came in.. its allllways some pressure on me when he come it.. it aint like I got much help in my store.. my assistant acts JUST like IT.. dumb as hell.. It was a pretty quick visit.. so when he left.. I banged out to get a haircut from O Sharp.. I got there speak to my homey.. he told me about a gig later that night he wanted me to help with.. so i was on that... things goin cool so far..

I get to work.. still nothin jumpin.. dumb boring.. I got to see Roni for a hot second.. and that was about it..

So my schedule for today was to go to court.. work for a coulpa hours, then DJ at the block party down on 18th.. and then head to the manhattan..

SO the info on the block party was that they didnt have no DJ equiptment.. so im all day tryna find someone to bring all their equipment on DUMB short notice.. I found someone but they came dummmbbb late..

I left work a little before 8 to go change and get my mind and music together... I shoot down to the block party and its a nice crowd... all different types of people... My people from the city were there, GTC.. its was good seein Mike and Germoane up here tryna grind it out.. (no homo on the grind tho)

We are waitin and waitin and waitin for the DJ.. Im gettimg more and more frustrated..So after a hour of just standin around..it was time for me to go pick up O Sharp for the later gig... so that was a BIGGGG waste of time.. so i bang out.. mad frustrated at the lack of action goin on...

SO I meet with O.. help him get all his stuff together for the show and we bang out.. The manhattan and far.. too far to be goin and drinkin.. that a looooong drive home to be tipsy... So we get there and set up.. PROBLEM.. the mixer they had was compatible to his equipment... like i told u earler.. its dumb far from the east side.. So i had to go back on my own and go get the mixer.. SALLLTYYY SO I text Roni and jesse and see where they at so i can just follow them up there.. but they opt to just go.. so i said fuck it.. i should be cool..(a foreshadow statement..)

So i get it, then go to the gas station to get something to drink.. a nigga was thirsty... so i drive off.. hit the highway..and everything looks familiar.. until i get to 71N... SO im driving.. and i pass Polaris... FUCKKKK!!.. I forgot that once u pass Polaris there is NOOOO exits for miles... so im ridin this highway for 25 miles outside of columbus.. im in DELWARE, OH (google it) MAD TO FUCKKK

SO about 35 mins later I made my way to the party.. 1st gurl I see if Jackie.. then when i walked in.. i saw the pretty plaid ladies.. (Jazmene, Jesse and Roni) they came to support a nigga.. even tho I finally got there at 12.. I was pissed tho.. I was gettin text messages the whole time while being lost from DJ GIOVANNY (the person who was bring the equipment for the block party) talking bout he cant find the people over the block party and how he felt like he was gettin played.. and some other bullshit.. I was already mad about bein lost.. then I had to be lost with this extra shit comin thru... SALTY...

So when I got in, I really didnt give the ladies the proper attention they shouldda got for their supoort.. I just dont like people seein me mad forreal. and i was mad forreal.. but i did appreciate them a lot..

So we get everything hooked up and ready.. and O plays a few songs... then looks at me and gives me the headphones for me to get on... Let me tell u all the wrong things about that..

1. I have never thrown a party using vinyl
2. I have never use Serato ( the laptop program that allows u to mix )
3. I havent did a party in like 2 years.
4. I didnt know what songs he had or how to find them
5. Ive never used a Mac...

Aww man, it was the worse.. i felt so lost and outta touch.. when the songs were playin.. i couldnt really hear what songs to mix in my head bc of bein so mad and nervous at the same time.. I couldnt find NO new stuff that the crowd was requesting.. and thats what sucked the most to me was that I had to play stuff from last year or stuff that i would never play for a crowd my age... my hands felt all heavy.. the mixing just wasnt how I wanted.. and the crowd was so hard to please.. I was hatin it.. It sucked to come out the gate like that... it was kinda hurtin my feeling that all these people that down know me had to hear me not at my best... I know next time i need more newer music and PRACTICE..

If u fail to plan.. then u plan to fail.. that was def the phrase of the day....

and i hope u all dont think Im making excuses bc im not...I hate excuses almost as much as i hate lies.. I just listed these as reasons why i didnt succeed this time.. but its all a process.. and ima be rockin this shit is no time.. just stick with me..

Hopefully tomorrow will be better...

ps.. excuse any grammatical mistakes... its now 4:10... and i was def dosing off while gettin all of this off my chest..

Feeling Some Type Of Way...

2009-04-25T03:07:00.002-04:00

I gotta get some things out before I go to sleep.. is 3:08am.. and this is def a honesty hour for me..

Im no where near famous.. but i realize that I am a known nigga and i do put my self out there to be known for a few things.. its just me.. i dont need the attention, but its welcomed.. I like being the nigga to know.. Its funny but i speak about this to my columbus friends sometimes, but im more known than a lot of the people that I know that have been here their whole life.. I mean, I got more perks out on the town more than a lot of these domestics.. This isnt my town, but month by month its seems to be more and more..

With that being said.. I got people around me, and they are around most of the time when im out and about... and Ive had it brought ot my attention from people that are on the outside lookin in, and ive been told that some people are just my friend bc of "what" i am, not "who" i am.. Ive been told that some people hang on my coat tails just to rub elbows with people then been wanting to know.. like they groupie me, so they can groupie someone else.. So lately, Ive been evaluating friendships and associates.. and it does seem like that sometimes.. I hate to sound cocky or high on myself, but if u fuck with me, you can skip a few lines, get VIP access, get in free, see ur favorite artist, get a free shirt, .. just random shit that maybe an average dude cant do... what do i ask in return ever? nothing.. nothing at all. I cant remember the last time ive asked hardly anyone for anything.. All I really want is is time.. I would love to have some valueable time with some of my friends.. most of my friends i only see at the club.. there more to life than that.. When do I ever go to the mall or go to the movies or go out to eat or go to church or anything more personal with a lot of my friends?? When u see me in pix with my friends, you see us at the club or at the bar or at a show.. when do u see us at the crib chillin or play games or at gameworks or at skating, or taking a walk?? It dont happen.. It bothers me, but I never want to speak on it.. bc if i say something about it, then it starts happening, then it seems false, like ur doing it to pacify or appease me.. im cool.. i'd rather continue to do bad by myself.. when was the last time u came through and was like, "i wanna hear u mix" or.. "u want something to eat, I got u" or "that one movie comin out.. u wanna go?"...

I was in a room full of 1000 people tonight and felt LONELY as hell..

Why?

Because all of these experiences Im having, I dont have anyone close to share it with.. yeah my peoples was there.. but where is that "one" tho? Who am I gonna look back at this stuff with later on in life with? I mean, how many people u know got ot skip the line and get in free at a fuckin DRAKE concert?? ::points at self and Roniquia:: I mean.... like all of these things I always reserve it for someone else to come with me, but there not too many consistent people here for me.. Like, not knockin my present company for the Drake show, but why couldnt it have been a love interest that I had these priviledges for?? My close friends are gettin all the perks.. Since they are around I would say they deserve it.. no one has stepped up to me.. I feel as if I am overlooked and everyone is choosin these WEAK ass niggas over me.. If youre a female and ur reading this.. im talkin to you.. FLAT OUT.. any nigga u might be with might not be as good as me.. if u knew like I knew... u would understand.. Possibilities are damn near infinite when fuckin with me.. and if ur a ladie who has messed with me and u really aint see much from me.. look at urself... did u derserve better treatment?? did I feel as if u were down for me as much as I am for u?? No.. bc I still have never gotten the chance to do the things I would love to do in a relationship.. Is this my fault?? I will definitely say no..

As of Today.. I feel as if ONE person has stepped up to the plate.. She does show me how much she thinks about me, daily. She tells me how much or a great person I am. She loves me, she tells me. She puts in the effort to see me, and she likes me and is not ashamed to let a nigga know that all the time. She is my emotional outlet, she knows my potential and love Darrell. She dont care about me being known. She just cares that I care about her, and that I know that she loves me and is thinkin of me all the time. I mean, she says im the BEST and everythin I do is way better then she ever could have expected.

A man needs to know that he is important.. a man needs to feel like a man..

Just know that I will NEVER be okay with being second place on ANYTHING.. whether its my job or a relationship.. I am TOO GOOD of a man to allow myself to be second to anyone.. or to be someones "fallback".. I will not be that dude that u keep on deck while u do whatever.. im not him or will I ever allow myself to be him..

Know that...

Questions........

2009-04-14T01:17:00.004-04:00

Im sayin.. like do u see how many periods i put behind that "s" tho????
man.. a nigga is mentally scratchin his brain.. and i gotta get a few questions out.. .a few rhetorical.. and some literal..

WHO:
Who decides whats wrong and whats right?
Who is to say that Im lying when I tell you what Im telling you?
Who has made u feel like this before?
Who ever meets the right person at the wrong time?
Who treated me like this before?
Who is sleepin on me while youre wide awake??
Who regrets what they didnt do with me?
Who will be next to regret?
Who will be next to be the lucky one?
Who is gonna show up a week too late?

What:
What brings change?
What if I ignored that text messages??
What if I said hello back then?
What if you didnt give me your number?
Whats next?
What if your dreams came true?
What if i was the faceless man of ur dreams?
What colors would the wedding be?
What will your friends think??
What will change when I get famous?
What do these haters think about what Im doing?
What are the people thinking when they see me out and about?
What is the big deal?

Where:
Where did all of this come from?
Where will all of this lead?
Where the hell can I get some Yeezy's from?
Where the hell did that question come from?
Where the hell is Anita Baker? I got big plans for her..
Where the fuck is Robin Leach when u need him?
Where is all the lights and cameras? We all know I need a show..
Where did u come from?
Where am I going?
Where are my True Friends? is ur hand raised?
Where are u when I feel alone?
Where have u been all these years?
Where do u find these people at??
Where do u get off asking me to marry you? gurl bye...

WHEN:
When will I not care/worry?
When will I let things go?
When will change come?
When will the obvious be noticed?
When will I not procastinate?
When will I believe in myself as much as u do?
When does the honeymoon end?
When is the next trip??
When will you get smarter?
When is enough, enough?
When will Deveroes be over for me?
When will I go back to school?
When will these gurls figure out that no real nigga wants a hot ass gurl?
When will they see that unflattering, drunk pix are usually remembered more than the regular ones??
When do I turn my swag off, so that I can hop out the bed and turn it on??
When will u ever not let me down?
When will I stop bullshittin?

WHY:
Why do I always fall for somebody elses gurl?
Why does somebodies gurlfriend always want me?
Why am I feeling this way?
Why is there no one around?
Why are all of these RnB songs connecting to me now?
Why are u reading?
Why have you stayed in touch for so long?
Why are we sooo cool?
Why does God continue to keep blessing me?
Why do I make some of the best kool aide in life??
Why did I see this nigga yesterday, he still owe me money like a mother F, and he wanna talk it out?
Why did she look so good on saturday tho??
Why have I never fallen in love?
Why do we love love when love seems to hate us?

How do u feel?

DURL SPEAKS..

2009-03-29T22:51:00.001-04:00

I have a deep liking..

2009-03-28T02:15:00.002-04:00

I almost labeled this as.. " I have a crush..." but that at me.. Im too old for that... but I have a DEEEPP LIKING for Jill Scott..

If this was my chick.. she would get some tired of me sayin.. "baby.. sing this for me..." I would be giving her random things to sing.. like a Donatos menu and be like.. "Baby... sing me the toppins they got on the mariachi beef pizza... and what drinks they got too.." Man I love her.. So I got a new love for Go-Go music now right? So i been on the hunt for the past week or so of all the go-go music i can find to engulf myself with it.. And i found a song that I already liked by her with Go-Go in it...

...so is she singing about me??

Missing...

2009-03-17T23:55:00.003-04:00

Man.. just made this good ass mix (at least I think so.. http://urgurlsfavoritedj.podomatic.com/) with some good ass RnB.. some good ass songs that will get u in that good mood to call someone up for some conversation or some company..

Well, it kinda got me there too.. as much as I dont allow myself to get there.. it almost did.. I aint the type to lead people, so I aint bout to act like I like someone, or make myself like someone just bc no one is around me now..

No, im not LONELY, i would never say that.. even if i was lonely, I still wouldnt say it.. but im not tho... honestly but sometimes the emotions feel like they are missing some times..

Like today I was watching Keri Hilsons lil video for "Make Love" and I thought it was well shot.. the video shows emotions and anticipation. I remember the days where I would be at work, aticipating the hour for me to leave.. to go see who ever it was that was textin me all day and thinking about me when I aint around..

but nowadays, attachments are nonexistant.. I dont look forward to seein no one. I dont really look forward to hearin from no one.. theres no consistancy in that department.. Im not trippin tho..

Here's some things I miss tho:
- "I'll be there in a minute" (rather its me sayin that or them..)
- A kiss goodbye given on the forehead in the morning before I go to work
- this text "What u want me to cook for dinner?"
- Being at the club, and knowing I wont be standing by myself when the slow songs come on..
- Movie-night Sundays
- Eye contact from across ANY room..
- Inside jokes.
- Current slow songs having meaning
-"My mom invited you to have dinner with us tonight"
- "Can you come check my oil, I dont know what to look for" (sometime you wanna like a man)
- "I just came from the store and I got your favorite ________"

But with all of these things, there are so many things I DONT miss like:
-"Why are you always mixing?"
- Finding my phone in someone elses hand..
- "I know she like you, why else would she be smiling when she see you?" (people cant be nice?)
- "You got allll the bitches, you're the 'gurls favorite DJ' "
- "Where U At?", i hate it when that the first thing a gurl asks.. can I get a hello?
- Not being able to wind down by myself sometimes.. sometimes you just wanna be alone without being bothered..

The negatives outweigh the positives to me sometimes.. esp when my focus shouldnt be trying to take care of someone, it should be taking care of me.. It sounds selfish, but I still have never met a WOMAN try to help me get to the next level of whatever Im focused on if it aint her... Chavi has really been the only one who has helped... she just wasnt around long enough.. Other than her, no female has tried to get me to a better position in my job or wanted me to mix more so I could get more exposure or whatever with my music..

That being said, I gotta stay focused on me.. I didnt stay in school, so other than my job, I dont have nothing else to fall back on for support.. I gotta take care of me.. but sometimes it feels as if something is missing.. I fall into those thoughts, then I soon snap out of it... bc who is really out here on my side? No one but me..

Man, yall dont know what these blogs have done for me internally.. usually once I take the time to type all of these things out.. the emotions fade.. without blogging.. they stay bottled in.. i wish I could blog about everything like this so I could let everything out.. Im still salty that most of yall aint comment on my last blog tho.. I know I had yall puzzled and shit. Thats why I havent blogged too much lately.. cuz I wanted that last one to marinate on yall.. but yall just slept on it..

Well goodnight blog family.. leave me some comments sometimes.. let me know I aint just speakin to myself..

H.E.R.

2009-03-10T22:18:00.003-04:00

When I see her.. I stare..
I get lost in the moment..
I forget im here.. I just know that she is there..
When she speaks to me.. I zone
I look for her in traffic
I wait for her to message me, or text my phone
She's the only one I see in a crowd
No sounds, no noise..
As quiet as its kept, my emotions scream loud..
A nigga too old for a crush...
Its more like an interest.. a liking
Why am I looking in the mirror? Wheres my brush?
Durl, You gotta shake this off..
She just a lady, so what if shes nice
My nigga, you starting to sound soft
She works, goes to school, and no BM
Shes the one to know
Brah, Dont lose your swag, U cant be OD'n
18nUp clubs, you will never find her.
She swagged on me when our path crossed
Its stuck in my head, I dont need a reminder
Exhale when Im near her, I smile when I see her
She makes these other gurls look like randoms
Trying hard to match, but they couldnt be her
Success to her, is more than wealth
She wont need you to hold her down,
You can tell by the way she carries herself

So let me explain:
When I see her, I stare, I get lost in moment is like.. when u see someone and you are just in stuck mode... you could be at work folding clothes, in the middle of a conversation and when u see that person.. its over for whatever u was doin til you get done zoning out..
When we do speak, i zone in..no one else matters during those moments.. and when she aint around, I look for her when Im driving, hoping Ill bump into her in traffic maybe, or at the mall or something..
Or sometimes I hope she might send me a message through myspace or facebook or even a message through someone.. u know like "So&so tols me to tell you that she said hi"... that would be the shit right?
Or maybe one day, Ima just get a random text from her, and she gonna be like, "What u doing this weekend?" and ima just play it cool :)
When she happens to be around, shes all I see or pay attention to
No sounds can be heard.. bc your mind and thoughts have taken over.. whatever that person in front of you is sayin, aint being heard or taken in.. u paying attention to "them".. that "one"
And Im not an emotionally expressive person, but you can see my happiness when she comes around..
Im too old for crushes.. I would just sayin that maybe I got my eye on someone, or someone has the qualities that I would look for in someone.. but why is that when I see her.. Im checkin myself, making sure everything right, my taper is together, my shoes is clean, stuff like that..
All this extra shit just aint me and I notice it, so I have my internal dialog and I tell myself to chill, shake it off, dont lose your cool.. she just a lady, like youre a man.. dont put her on no pedestal
She gets it in on a mature level, she takes classes, got her a job, and following her dreams and got plans to make it.. and she aint no ones Babymomma.. ::thumbs up::
She the type of chick that got good connect to whatever you might need, shes the one to know
With all of these qualities, I gotta see and remember that I obtain these too.. dont go in too deep or too hard.. dont OD ((Overdose... ie Go too hard))
You would never see her in these young clubs, being hot, or unladylike.. you gotta respect that..
And when I last seen her, her whole AURA just swagged on me.. to the point of remembering what she wore, and even when she just be on some regular, she still swaggin..
When I see her, I smile, its a natural reaction, and my bad days dont even matter when she comes around.. it allows me to exhale a lil bit.. You need someone who can have that affect you.. soft of like an umbrella on a rainy day..
Then when these chicks start seeing what Im seein, they try to imitate.. they might even act as they are cool, just to bite.. but REAL recognize real tho.. so imitations wont last..
Success for her would to be to reach a higher level or wherever she is.. whether its understanding, goals, or relationship with God.. how sexy is that tho?
She doesnt need a man to carry her, do for her, make her or break her.. she carries her ownself.. true meaning of independence..

So you like that way I flipped this right?? A nigga dont be getting all Poetic Justice like that on yall do I?? Well I had to do it.. I also want you to ponder on my subject too.. heres the questions that Ima leave you with:

Is this a real person??

Is this about a few females just balled into one??

Is this all made up??

Is this all one big metaphor about my love for music??

Is this my letter to someone that I secretly admire, and Ill just let them know in secret??

Is this really about me?? From a females point of view, but still in my own words????

What does H.E.R. stand for, if anything?

What U Think??

DJ DURL X The Dream X Podcast

2009-03-10T00:17:00.003-04:00

http://urgurlsfavoritedj.podomatic.com/
Thats the link.. I dont know how to add the player just yet.. bare with me..
but go there and bookmark it.. so u can be up on things..

Man... You knew it had to be coming soon.. I had to do a DREAM mix.. thats my nigga.. I was just waitin for the 2nd cd to leak before i did it..

If youre a fan like me, you will def be feelin these songs.. I mixed up his songs that he made, was featured on or wrote.. So go ahead and listen..
Ill be makin Podcast Every week.. and they are availible for download..

...look what was made..

Real Recognize.....

2009-03-04T01:43:00.002-05:00

Someone gave me a special spotlight.. so ima link you to it..
click here..

Aint I just so special??? haaaa.. i am aint i...

thanks Shay for the spotlight.. and for using my favorite color..
She is another blogger for u to follow..
beshaybe.com
she is a picture takin, sepia using, blog commenting, lip gloss carrying, neo soul loving, gameface wearin, poetry readin, poll making, "rockin that shit" ass female...

go see...

Short Answer...

2009-03-03T00:03:00.005-05:00

Yup..
hhhmmmm...
ok...
busy..
ima hit you right back...
ok
ohhhh...

When it gets to this point.. Im just not feeling it..
if this is what u hear often..im prolly not feeling it right now..
My single life keep me observent... and im watching everyone most of the time..
i see cycles.. this is why i never talk to a person quickly..
this is why I usually know someone for a year before I get close to them..
I see these gurls, that have liked me.. try to talk to me.. but i move too slow for them...
everyone always has a second option.. i know this.. so I never feel as if im the only one..
So go ahead.. run fast into that relationship with dude sayin what u wanna hear..
Im never gonna be that guy.. sorry.. well im not sorry..
If im not gonna do it when...no no.. if we get together.. so why front early..
thats not me..
respect it.. or keep it movin...
Flat out..
So when I see these gurls.. go off with dudes that they dont know..
I smirk..
I keep lookin forward.. as always...
cuz i dont wait around..
u gonna have to catch up..
I see the early warning signs of the quick break up bout to come..
I feel that the text messages are bout to start comin back...
bc we both know that when they start "talking" to dude... the texts stop..
thats fine.
So when they try to come back.. they get the SHORT ANSWERs..
Its just s0 annoying..
not sayin just bc they wanna talk again, means that they want me again..
but can a nigga get some consistency...
or maybe they are being consistent... their actions are repeating..
so that is consistant.. but im cool on that...
I just think its silly.
I study people like books..
if theres something that u do that I dont like.. i make sure i never do it..
Thats why i dont just text people when Im bored..
I try to consistantly stay in touch with the few people that I want around..
It kinda sux when u get a text from someone, and u know its just bc they went through their phone list...
Spare me...
I'd rather u not...
::exhales::
its almost summer time.. so all these lonely ass chicks are coming out..
they are freshly single and tryna mingle..
bc please believe.. these niggas is breakin up with they chix left and right..
Petty arguments are necessities for this season..
So i gotta be the "fall boy"?
::shakes head::
Before I get any deeper, more upset or any more specific..
ima end this...

This was my face while typin this..
u cant tell??

The One That Got AWAY..

2009-02-25T03:44:00.003-05:00

So my friend Erin.. I love her to death.. she tried to put me on blast on her facebook status and on her blog..
it was in a nice way tho.. but like I told her, no one I know knows her.. so shit.. why not put her on blast where she put me on blast...

This is her.. i would tell you our story.. but i think she could tell you better..
if youre interested.. follow this link.. and learn a little about my past..

Learn something??
Good..

Well here is another one.. partially about you..
i can only say so much about me.. people are usually defined but perception.. so this will show u a lil bit about how people feel or have felt about me..
so this is one from Chavi.. we have had our ups and downs.. and im glad our downs have came back up...

so she how she has felt.. click here

If anyone else blogged about me.. i wouldve put them on here too.. but i havent noticed any other one...

but these 2 ladies have their own blogs.. follow them..
you know if i follow them, they gotta be interesting...

My Dilemma

2009-02-24T00:02:00.002-05:00

::that word just looks wrong everytime i spell it:: anyways..

here one of my minor dilemmas...

So im in a new city.. well i guess it aint new no more after a year and a half right? well i get asked often:

So who are u talkin to these days?

My answer is: No One..

They then ask: why? not or that make the "whatever nigga" face... you know the face people make when they put their lips to the side..

My answer be that all I see is hood star's (star is rats backwards) or gurls thats too boogi (sp*) or they like light skinned dudes.. so im outta luck..

so they ask me where do i be at.. my answer is that im always at work.. I really wouldnt date a chick thats a regular Deveroes shopper.. thats really not a chick for me.. we dont even have enuff gurls stuff for a chick to be a regular shopper unless she got a lil kid.. or a nigga..

then when i go out.. its usually to the Lobby.. them old chicks be cool.. but im cool on they drunk asses.. I only go there bc i aint gotta dress up.. I dont be feeling like goin through the whole "finding something that will keep me from being stopped at the door" thing.. so I like to good comfortable..

This is what I call comfortable.. air maxes.. jordans, a hat whatever..

Then if i do happen to go to the places where I gotta dress up, then these chicks are acting too stuck up just because they gotta damn dress on.. thats fine.. do u boo.. im just cool on that extra-ness..

Where do u find a real ass person?? I mean, Im at work all the time.. a relationship with someone I work with wouldnt work.. esp with me being the boss..
When would someone recognize the realness in someone? Why is it that gurls recognize the good in me after I stop messing with them? Why is it that I see the same chicks messing with the same weak niggas? They never seem to look for something for the long run.. they look at the appearance and think that will be enough to keep them happy...
I dont understand why gurls havent smarten up.. even my smartest female friends be on some dumb shit every now and then... every last one of them.. I see it. I dont really say much about it to them any more.. i mean we all know.. no need for me to say "I told you so"

I aint gonna act like Im the solution to every womans man problems but I do know that I will be one special lady's solution tho.. who that is.. i dont know.. God knows.. and I hope she reads my blog.. or at least will read it later in life so she will know more about me than previous chicks..

Im just about ready tho.. I got a few more things to do.. but im almost there.. when I do find that one.. all ima hear in my head is Frankie Beverly & Maze - Happy Feeling and ima do my Happy Dance..

haaaaa....

Kill The DJ

2009-02-23T10:50:00.002-05:00

Now every DJ has his complaints given to him when he makes his drops
(drops are when a DJ says his name of nickname on a mix cd in the middle of a song)
and there aint nothin worse than bein in a good groove on one of your favorite RnB mixes and the dammit DJ yells and screams over your favorite part and fucks up the whole mood.. he some examples

Mood Muzak from jeff on Vimeo.

Now if you got some DJ DURL mixes.. I aint that bad.. youll hear me or a female voice say my name but ill be damned if i make all the noises that DJ AIRHORN made...
shit..
thatll make me throw a mix cd away..
But i thought it was funny and it hit home due to complaints that I get..

My Sunday Playlist..

2009-02-22T17:26:00.004-05:00

As u can tell by my last few blog post.. my mind has been so stuck on music that its crazy.. its one of the few consistant things in my life.. other than my job and God... music is consistant.. not in a way that there is consistantly good music coming out.. bc its not..but its always something that I can play to evoke some emotions or memories..

So on this sunday evening.. its just me and my music.. Like ive stated before.. I dont like being alone on sunday evenings.. its just a thing that bothers me.. but its been a year and a half of lonely sundays.. it was hard at first being away from my friends in the city..bc at any given time, i could call someone up and they could shoot around the corner or down a few street and come kick it.. well im more than 60 miles away from my peoples.. so its very seldom that I get to see them.. Ive learned to deal.. You would think, with this bigger city that Im in that I would have even more friends.. but I just dont... the few people that I would like to spend time with, be on other things... ::shruggs:: cant make no one want to kick it with me right?? Its cool.. no pity party or nothing.. I'd rather want someone want to kick it with me than me have to invite people to kick it with me all the time.. but i digress... so when im just in my house on an off day.. cleanin or folding clothes or whatever domestic, these are a few things I listen to..

Morris Day and the Time - Gigalos Get Lonely Too... (yall are def not ready for this one.. its the softer side of someone who everyone thinks that 100% of their day is spent with some female.. sounds fimilar)

Prince - ALL Seven.. this was my shit when I was younger.. I cant remember what the bassline of the song sounds like.. its gonna bug me.. hopefully by the time i get done Ill remember.. but i like this song a lot.. he speaks about Revelations a lot in this one.. ok ok ok.. the bass line is Special Ed - I got it made I think or D Nice - My Name is D -Nice.. i gotta hear the songs to know for sure tho..

Frankie Beverly & Maze - Happy Feelings... This is one of the few songs by them I play.. I love this song.. its so carefree.. and summer-ry.. i used to hate Frankie when i was young.. my dad always played him and i always wondered why he always had those bent up baseball caps on... but the older i get the more I love this music..

Prince/TLC - If I Was Your Gurlfriend.. both versions are good.. I love this song.. prince that nigga for this concept... I thought it was gay when I was young.. i didnt understand.. you shold listen to last 30 seconds of this when he is talking.. he be saying some shit..

Anita Baker - Same old Love.. i just love this lady.. you should hear me sing like her.. i swear i sould just like her.. haaaaaa.. but anyways.. this is my shit from beginning to end.. ::wink::

Anthony Hamilton - Since I Seen't You - This is my soooonngggg.. i forgot about it for a while, but I was listen to Joe Budden Mood Musik and he raps over this... this beat goes hard too..

Avant - Material Things... This is my shit too.. I feel this way sometimes.. material things aint shit compared to the one im with.. he sings good on this one.. til i get me a good one, ima be on these material things (ie Air Max 95s.. haa.)

OutKast - Pink and Blue... I love the way it comes in.. it always makes me rub my pants as if im doin the scratching.. I just like the groove of this song.. Ima need Andre to come out with some new shit forreal.. Its funny how he is singing to some Cougar or MILF.. my type of nigga.. fuck these young gurls.. where they mommas at??

Ryan Leslie - How It Was Supposed To Be.. man I love this.. the beat is jumpin.. I like the story too.. it speaks on a relationship the didnt go as planned.. and how he wonders if he will ever know how it shouldda been.. check the remix with Jadakiss on it..

The Roots - Break U Off.. cant say this aint smooth.. We danced to this back in 03 in the deb ball.. and I loved this song.. I used to know all the damn lines to this.. Musiq was perfect on this

Jazmine Sullivan - Prototype.. I just love this song..

Avant - Perfect Gentleman.. This is a song I can relate to.. make u wanna two step with someone..

these are a few songs that get me moving.. im still tryna rebuild my music library.. so im sure itll be more playlist to speak on..

My Top 10 Favorite Songs of ALL TIME

2009-02-21T21:53:00.002-05:00

This was a note that my nigga put up on facebook.. and i had to post mine..
but i have to always tell stories behind my choices.. its always some type of memory or something connected.. I dont have more favorites but these came to my head the quickest..

If you know me know me.. you will know prolly 3 off the bat..

here it goes..

1. Notorious BIG - One More Chance
I mean damn.. this song is the shit.. its classic, raw, funny and witty.. its some real nigga shit.. go a good ass beat.. you can hear this any night, at any bar, and you will see everyone start groovin... ((did i just say "groovin"?.. im soo old now))

2. Jay Z - Song Cry
This song is the ultimate shit.. whenever this is played.. all of the guys know it word for word.. every dude can relate.. every female can relate to treating a guy good and them dogging them and then becoming the "bad gurl" and i had a situation that was like verse 3.. in my player days, i was messing with this chick.. and i had other gurls on the side.. but they were gurls she didnt know.. but she turned around and started messing with a dude that i grew up.. "You dont get a nigga back like that".. the sample and the verses are pure poetry..

3 Alexander O'Neal - If you Were Here Tonight
This is one of my all time favorite slow jams.. yes.. i said "jams" with my old ass.. this shit si so smooth..ive already analyzed it in a previous blog.. go read..

4. Art of Noise - Moment of Love
This beat is crazy.. flat out.. whenever someone samples it, its usually a hit (ie Lloyd - One for Me). I used to her this on the Quiet Fire on U92 and be AMPED.. do u hear me?? this is everyones song..

5. Mista - Black Berry Mollasses
Classic song that just brings me back to my carefree early teen years.. when me and my cousin used to just be outside all day.. finding whatever to get into.. this was one of those FLY CITY songs.. this was my SHITTTTT

Check out Bobby V with the old Rodmans on that u had to tie up from the sides..

6. Brandy - Broken Hearted
I had Brandy's first TAPE.. not cd.. tape nigga.. and this song was on repeat.. I loved brandy.. I had a stupid crush on her "Deer-eyed" lookin ass.. and this song got me everytime.. i used to lay on the ground in my room on my stomach and just play this over and over.. and sing..

7. Prince - Lets Go Crazy
This was a strong toss up between this song and Purple Rain.. both are GREAT.. but this one will get me CRUNKKK.. so i had to choose this.. I love this because of its spiritual double meaning.. if you didnt know.. "de-elevator" is the devil and the "Top Floor" is Heaven.. he speaks on how u can like the devil bring you down in your search for your higher level.. i love it.. here a video of him performing this at the famous 1st avenue

8. The Deele - 2 Occasions

Man.. this song is the biggest game u could lay on someone.. this is such a nice song.. great beat and the voices are the shit on here too.. i had to post this video to show u how throwback these niggas were.. LA Reid was so serious on those drum.. Babyface had so much swag.. them other two dudes.. no words for them.. except for, does dude have a broach on?

9. Kanye & Nas - We Major
The beat.. the collab.. the lyrics, and the timing.. were perfect

10. Jason Weaver - Love Ambition
My ULTIMATE shit.. my nigga was singing.. and what did he know about "Up and Down, Baby" at that age.. i wasnt allowed to sing that when it came out.. this still my shit.. if you have my mixes.. you would know..

Random Questions I Have

2009-02-19T23:31:00.004-05:00

Man.. my mind be moving.. u dont feel me tho.. so here are some random shits that flood my mind...

1. While watching Sober House, and seeing Rodney King, all I hear is "beat it like a cop.. Rodney King baby, said i beat it like a cop".. how does he feel about that?? He must have inner anomosity towards Wayne for that one..

2. What ever happened to the good Nickelodeon?? Wild N Crazy Kids, Double Dare, Mya the Bee, David The Gnome, Eurekas Castle, My Brother and Me, Salute Your Shorts.. etc.. man, I wanna go Youtube them right now..

3. I wonder how much more jumpin would I be if we had "text messaging" back in my high school days.. who would I known better??

4. Why would anyone who has a memory and a TV want to be part of any "Making The Band" show?? Your only setting yourself up for failure..

5. Seeing so many stupid info-mercials makes me wonder, "how come I never tried to follow thru on my crazy inventions" ... ie.. colored rubber tires for cars like red, pink, white, yellow.. they would leave some crazy skid marks..

6. I dont understand people now a days.. why?

7. I have a bitter/sweet relationship with my hometown.. i love being from there.. but i really dont like it there.. but i love going back.. but when im there, i wanna come back to columbus... whats the deal with that?

8. I wouldnt trade my life for Chris Browns... would u? Im sayin tho.. lets make this a legit question/statement.. Im a cool dude with regular money and everyday issues.. my biggest problem when I wake up is what shoes i wanna wrinkle while at work or which vehicle i wanna drive.. I only have 2 to choose from.. either the insured car or the uninsured truck.. minor issues right? well.. the more money you make, the more problems you get.. apparently.. ie, Mike Vick, Bobby Brown, Chris Brown, B2k.. and if it aint the law that messes u up, the money might.. ie Kanye West.. yeah, they live the life i would love to live. Being recognized and loved all over the world.. but if i have a problem or issue, im sure Sarah Smith in Los Angelos wont know about it and blog about it bc she couldnt give any less of a fuck about who i am... but if i were famous.. all my business would be in blogs, vlogs and facebook status... is that what I want??

9. Why cant I eat good food and not gain weight?? thats some bullshit.. everything I like is not good for me..

10. I ofter wonder, why do big gurls, who have big breast, tend to show them off like they dont have big bodies?? like the itties are gonna blinds us..

11. What made Dennys think of "Nannerpuss"?? i think that is disgusting..

12. So now that we have Obama in office, is Black History Month not important?? I aint really heard no type of black history facts this month...

thats about all the randoms I have now.. if i start thinking, then it wont be random will it??

Damn Homie

2009-02-17T15:00:00.002-05:00

This really couldda been me..
I look back at all the chicks I liked, messed with, got played by,got shitted on by... And I look at their life, and situations and I thank GOD.. Aint too many chicks that I used to mess with in better situations than I am in now.. no disrespect to the ones im still cool with, but its mainly the ones i dont speak to no more..
I mean.. there are some with 3 and 4 kids.. when i messed with them, they had none.. and im glad it wasnt me..
I used to feel like "Good Luck Chuck" bc after i would mess with someone, they would hurry up and jump into their next relationship, and getr pregnant and/or get married.. honestly.. it was about 6 gurls in a row that got pregnant or married after i messed with them... WTF?
Was it that i wasnt showing the attention they wanted.. and that person did and they just went ALL IN with them?? I know i wasnt ready for no family back then, so why lead you on to thinkin i was.. so i was always chillin, enjoying their company, but I guess i wassnt movin fast enough for them...
Oh well..

I just feel that I know better.. so I keep it movin in slow motion..

Yeah, I got gurls that I call my babymomma.. but do I really want that? I mean, the nigga in my would like to get a coupla gurls pregnant just to keep them around, but the private-school-taught male knows that there is better and less costly ways to keep someone in your life.. thats just not a road im tryna travel just yet..

Yeah im 26.. but i dont want to end my youth all quick just so i can keep a chick close.. i'd rather be by myself than with someone that I gotta argue with for the next 18 yrs..

Please believe that..

My NEW ((FAVs))

2009-02-11T01:22:00.002-05:00

these two videos i saw today are my shit.. for various, obvious reasons that i will explain..

First Up:
Ludacris -- Nasty GURL

Dammit he describe the ideal woman.. i want a lady.. a woman.. one who cares about her image.. but when its just us.. it goes down.. ima need that.. the world aint gotta know how much of a freak you are.. just me and your exes are good enough..
I aint even a fan of the asian persuation.. but dammit that asian chick look bad that a mother F.. and ol gurl from ATL lookin all good in shit with her curly hair...
they did well on this casting...

The DREAM -- Rockin that Thing..

I love this song.. he makes videos just how Ive wanted to make videos if i were an artist.. like how on I luv Yo Gurl.. he had lasers and colors.. i love the way that looks and in this one he has a wall of lights.. and i love they way that looks.. and then how it shows them all shiny and like they got the GLOW from the last dragon.. i want some pix of me like that.. i dont see how people think i look like him tho.. but his music is my shit.. so fuck it.. he can be my brother or something..

The FaceBook 25 Randoms..

2009-02-06T01:01:00.000-05:00

Just in case you missed it on facebook...

---- I usually dont mess with the fads or do what everyone else does, but I always like droppin knowledge about myself.. so I thought I would do this one... Esp since I been tagged like 5 times..
so where should start

1. Since the beginning, I've ALWAYS.. I mean ALWAYS.. loved females.. My first crush was Shay Smith when I was like 4 yrs old.. I swear I thought she was the cutest thing I ever seen.. I thought she had stars in her eyes.. even tho she used to tease me with her friends, I knew she was the shit.. at a early age.. Kindergarten thru 12 grade I had a crush on someone new each year. And Im not even gonna start on all the church gurls..

2. Every since I could remember, I have always.. I mean ALWAYS.. loved music.. my mom musta played it when I was in the womb.. I always have a song in my head.. all the time.. no surprise tho right?

3. As a child, I wanted to be a magician and a spy.. I had all the spy kids toys..

4. Its weird, but I heard music in my head 3 to 4 seconds ahead of what its played.. doesnt make sense? well if youre ever aroudn when the radio is on.. I accidently sing the part too early bc thats how I mix in my head. I have to know whats going to come out before it does.. does that make sense? oh well

5. Ive never held a real gun. I got sort of a phobia of it.. My nieces father was killed before she was born bc he was shot in the head.. and I was there at the hospital.. not a good sight to see.. its been 10 yrs and I can see it like it was yesterday..

6. As a child, my mom said that I would see "spirits" walking around the house, and when we were in crowed places, I would tell her that I was see "colors" around people.. esp when we were at hospitals for some reason.. something like AURA's.. weird.. I know..

7. The first book I read was the Bible when I was 4.. I read every night with my mom..

8. I hate following fads...((see first line in this note)) so its somethings i just wont do because Im stubborn.. such as twitter, wear scarves, listen to certain cds that EVERYONE loves.. like, I still havent listen to Jazmine Sullivan's cd bc EVERYONE talks about it.. weird..

9. Ive been working since I was 14.. my first job was as a library aide at studebaker middle school..

10. I dont think i could ever marry a gurl if she didnt have a nice butt.. I HATE it that I feel this way.. but if im with someone that I might like.. at some point i allow them to walk ahead of me... that sux but its the truth

11. I hold grudges for a long time.. even when I dont even hold the bad feelings.. like I miss my old friends, Brenda and Marica... but I wont speak to them first..

12. These are my fears: Heights ( I dont like being somewhere where my feet arent stable, and Im scared of falling)... letting my parents down.... I have a deep fear of getting bad news.... this also goes along with my fear of rejection.. being alone when i get older.. I have a fear of being forgotten...

13. Ima CRAZZZZYY rnb head and a "sample junkie". What I mean by that is that I like to know where songs get their beats from.. so I will research til I figure it out, and hear the original song. I used to play a game called "Where this come from?".. I would play a song, and ask the person what song did that beat come from.. thats why I love Kanyes beats cuz it opens me to a whole new world of music.. RnB just takes me away.. I sings.. i cant sing tho.. but I dont care..

14. As musical as I am.. I cant play any instruments.. at all

15. As much as a player everyone thought I might have been in high school, I was not having sex in high school.. you gotta remember, I was a church boy.. I was the superintendant to the sunday school, and I was the Young Davids president.. I had a rep to uphold..

16. I havent cried in almost 3 yrs..

17. Im am petty as fuck.. ((see number 11)).. I know thats a weak emotion.. Ill work on that next year..

18. I see almost everything that happens around me.. I heard Chris Rock speak on this once and it made sense to me.. he said "If ignorance is bliss.. then what is the opposite?? Being aware of EVERYTHING is hell"... and i see, hear and know damn near everything that happens around me...

19. Im the one people look at when something funny happens.. I always have a quick comment.. I dont know how I process everything so quick, but my mind be one some quick shit...

20. I feel as if I should have a show around me.. it would have to be on HBO cuz I cuss too much.. but that shit would be funny..

21. I dont smoke. Not because I think its gross or bc gurls dont like it.. but bc I get TOOOOO high.. I can have the little-est piece of weed and be out of commission for the whole day.. I be having shit to do.. so I chose not to smoke.. just gimme the goose..

22. I want to be romantic sometime.. I have so many ideas on deck that I would like to do so a special lady but I never get the chance to..

23. My turn ons: Freckles... Curly hair.. Fishnets.. pretty shaped eyes.. glossed lips... girls in wifebeaters.. nice frames.. black dresses... a good cook.. a slight attitude problem.. dimples of course.. a pretty back... nice shoes (pumps, or fresh gym shoes)... thick legs.. skirts/dresses... color in hair..

24. I won best personality in High School, I was turnabout king (equivalent to Homecoming king at my school) and was 2nd place in best dressed..

25. Ive been in 3 fights.. but never been hit before.. well once in the chest.. but that wasnt shit..

Thats some weird shit right? I hope a few of you can relate to these and can remember some of these things about me if you were around for some of them...

comment if you like..

[[ASK]] ABOUT ME PT2

2009-02-02T21:29:00.002-05:00

So once again... I asked a few important people to ask me some questions that they would like to know the answers to... So here are some answers

The first set are from Roniquia... a little background on why Roni is important to me.. she has been the most consistent thing in my life in columbus other than my job and paying taxes... she has been around since I was stayin in the Ramada on Hamilton... Im glad David introduced us to each other bc I love her dearly and Ill explain why later on...

1.when did u 1st fall in love with music
As long as I could remember, I have always loved music.. my earliest memories involve music.. I remember seein my mom and dad slow dancing when I was young to some old Luther.. it wasnt old then.. but you feel me.. I remember events in my life by what songs were out.. I love music more than I can explain.. but I cant really fall asleep listening to it bc Ill stay up jamming to whatevers one... I just cant help it..

2.fav artist of all time?.
thats not a fair question for me.. i cant really pick one.. if I had to say one... prolly Jay Z

3. Beyonce or Michelle Obama
Beyonce is bad.. but i dont see the love for her man as I do with Michelle.. not saying she doesnt.. but Michelles has been displayed for me a bunch of times and ive actually gotten envious seeing how they look at each other with admiration.. i cant wait til someone looks at me like that

4. Why do u love me?
Man, its something really unexplainable to me.. this might get deep.. but you asked.. I think it wasnt even my choice to love you or even like you as much as I did.. it had to be in Gods plan.. I would be a fool not to be attracted. Mentally and physically... We have some of the best times when we do get to spend time out of me being in my uniform.. My appreciation is so strong for ur support for me when u didnt have to.. I love how we support each other.. I love your self respect and how you carry yourself.. you are what a MAN would want.. a strong woman who would allow her man to be a man... if that makes sense.. I see a lot in you and I love that.. I love who you are and who you are becoming.. the thing that got me was how your feelings came out when I thought I was going to have to move.. it hit me here [[puts hand on chest]]. I pray to have someone with such fashion sense, love for God, family and self and someone with constant growth as you.. youre such the prototype..

5. What is our friendship based on?
Respect.. Fashion... Music.. and Love

6. What is your dream job?
DJ/Photographer

7.what is your middle name?
AHA... I dont have one..

8. Why did you and your last gf break-up?
My last official relationship ended in Jan 07

9.do u want children? If so, how many? If not.. Why?
I would love to see me with a son.. I would love to have a lil D3 (as people say) running around.. he's be the freshest no doubt.. i would never name him Darrell tho.. bc I dont like my name...

10. Do you think I would be a good mother?
I think you would be great.. thats why youre my baby moms..

11.where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Hopefully married.. doing something involving music.. and still being fresh... haaa

12.where do you see our friendship in 5 years?
man.. it can go in many directions.. since the beginning the ball has been in your court on us.. I will be as close to you as you allow me.. no matter what, you gonna be around... and we gonna have a dumb amount of inside jokes..

13. Don't you think TEYANA TAYLOR IS AWESOME.
she fresh forreal.. and dammit she sexy too.. [[see footage of her on her 18th bday]

14.what's your fav ice cream?
i really dont like ice cream.. but if any.. it would be some soft serve.. prolly strawberry

15.why purple?
man, i dont even know.. its just so prestigious to me.. its not normal but its not to crazy.. things just look good in purple.. i love it...

Good ones Roni... follow my gurl at www.klassicbeauty.blogspot.com

heres Sadeas... this is my new friend.. she is the coolest.. and aint no one in this world like her.. please believe..

1. If you could a song... which song would you be?
Man.. His Eye is on The Sparrow.. that always makes them cry...

2. Since we're doing a musical thing rite now... break your life into 3 sections and pick a song to describe each section?

birth to 10 would be the time that I had both parents at home.. so I would label that as.. Ahmad "Back In The Day" 11 to 20 this is when I was going thru the thing emotional things that have made me into who am a lil bit today.. I would say, H-Town - Emotions .. and 21 to now.. Would have to be "Turn My Swag On".. just because all of the prior years I had lower self esteem. I didnt believe in myself as much.. during this period, DJDURL came up.. and that just made things better as for as confidence

3. So cliche'... what's your favorite movie?

The last dragon.. hands down

4. What scent gets you hot?

Thats one things that doesnt do it for me.. nothin really specific that I like.. I dont like it when a gurls hair smells good..

5. Paint me a picture... what makes you tick?

well I have trigger words.. if you call me a Bitch or Gay.. and you mean it.. we bout to have some serious words.. thats just never been ok with me to say..

6. Right or Wrong?

Right.. i dont like being wrong or not doing whats right..

7. Money or Love?

at this point I would say Money.. but I really want to believe that love will conquer that one day.. once I find someone to show me what love really is and how it actually feels.. tell then.. ima keep loving this money..

8. Im a psychiatrist... tell me one thing thats bothering you right now?

whats road am I going to take.. do I go towards the music, which is my love.. or keep doing it on the side.. i feel as if I dont at least try that I will regret it later..

9. What's your biggest insecurity?
my self image.. i dont look in mirrors hardly ever.. at all.. except maybe to brush my teeth and to check my hair..

10. What do you think will be the biggest challenge for our new President?
living up to the great expectations..

11. Donut Palace or Krispy Kreme?
DP.. I dont like Krispy Kreme

12. In 10 years, with who and where do u wanna be?

I have narrowed it down to 4 people, that are currently in my life that I would want to be with if it were someone that I know now.. I hope to be with one of them.. somewhere happy listening to music with a stupid DVD collection..

13. Do you believe that God is a man?

yes

14. Is BET really killing Black America?

nah.. it would be bad if what they showed wasnt true.. but it sux that most of the stuff is reality for some..

15. Why do you blog?
I dont really like talking about my problems over the phone.. and no one is really around me outside of work.. so this helps me release.

16. You have the perfect opportunity to dress the girl of your dreams... what do you pick (from the shoes to the body spray)

I would love to see a gurl in a bad ass black dress.. form fitting.. some sexy ass fishnets.. and some purple heels.. purple accents.. such as earrings, bracelets or even glasses.. glasses are hot sometimes.. ill let her pick the smell..

17. Does goose get you loose (lol)?
does.. its my liquor of choice

18. What's you idea of the perfect meal?
chicken, mac n cheese, fresh cut green beans, red kool aide, corn bread... a garden salad with ranch dressing with cheddar cheese and croutons and some cinnamon rolls after..

19. What makes you who you are?

being called lazy as a teen makes me not stop.. my mom called me that so much that it made me jump out and do what I had to without helping her.. i have a fear of letting my parents down

20. What would you like to tell me?

Lets go skating...

well I got one more set.. and ill update this when I get back on the comp

ill do it tomorrow prolly

hope u learned something

Ambitions of A Stridah!!!

2009-01-23T01:52:00.005-05:00

Man... today.. ya boy went skating..
Its funny how lil things can motivate me to have to do something..
As I was doing my to do list for my day off, I was listening to Aaliyah, and "At You Best" came on.. and we all know that that was in ATL, and that was NEW NEW songgggg.. SO I mentioned it to a few people and no one was really on it.. except for GLENDA. I was hype to go and I was glad I didnt have to go by myself bc I would have if no one wouldda went. I aint kicked it with Glen in a good while, so it was gonna be nice for her to be around.

So I pick her up around 830 and we head out there.. and we proceed to go to the rink.. We get there.. its not to bad of a crowd... mind u.. this is my first time skating in Columbus.. so I didnt know what to expect.. I didnt know how old or young the crowd was.. or how the music was gonna be..

Got me some skates and reality sets in.. all i hear in my head is... "Nigga.. u gonna fall TONIGHT!!" So I look at Glen like, "u ready?" and we stroll out.. the crowd wasnt doing too much at this point.. but everyone seemed to have they own skates.. I looked like a loser with the rentals on.. So "Going Back To Cali" is on.. MY SHIT.. im ready to "rollbounce" and shit.. I get out there on some "fisher price-my first skates- type shit" legs wobbly like a new born giraffe.. u hear me? Arms out like im bout to fly or something...

Then I get around the first turn and Im cool.. Glenda ass kept grabbing my hands.. and I aint even got my wheels rolling right just yet.. so I kept pushing her away or skating away from her.. cuz when I fall.. I aint tryna be the nigga to make a gurl fall too.. thats the worse.. "You ol outta control ass nigga gonna make a chick fall when u fall? u weak for that?" Thats all I could hear.. so i made sure she wasnt too close for that to happen... SO knew what she was doing too.. So I didnt wanna look like no fool..

They was playing all the good shit too.. all the old skool funk songs.. all the west coast songs (this is the only setting that WEST COAST songs are ok in my eyes) like e40 and throw back tupac and snoop.. all the good shit for you to stride too.. or at least try to.. When they played the slow songs, they gurls was doing they thang on the backwards skating side.. they was acting as if they was born with 8 wheels... That she was TOO cute.. seeing all the gurls with they lil skinny jeans on with they scarfs or whatever.. That shit was cute..

Its like a whole different side of the nitelife.. niggas was all smoking and drinking.. you couldnt tell if a nigga wear burgers bc everyone had on skates.. u would have to wait til the end of the night or something to see someone real footwork..

The whole time that Im skating.. Im hearing "New New" in my head like.."I can tell a lot about a man by the way he skate".. I just wanted to tell everyone.. "Hey.. I aint been on skates in like 6 or 7 years.. bare with me". These niggas was doing shit I never seen people do.. It was some niggas that dumb bummy that come in DEVEROES and they was the man at the rink... Im like damn... I need practice.. these people actually had skating teams and shit.. excuse my ignorance for not knowing.. It felt like I was a step show.. I was wondering.. how the hell do they know what each other bout to do?? do they really be practicing?? Maybe I need to.. I mean, I say this at the risk of sounding gay.. but yall know me.. NO HOMO.. but these niggas was out there gettin it.. they was looking too smooth.. I was just watching what everyone was doing and I was wonderin.. How do they skates do that?? Mine dont... See.. ::almosts falls::

I was peeping the gurls and their little cliques.. and it was cute how they were all off to the side doing all these lil dances that some chicks cant even do in gym shoes.. and when they got to doing that, the nigga wanna stride they ass over to the them tryna be noticed.. it was crazy.. The old people was in there grooving too.. it was one old dude that was skating backwards the whole time and it look like he was doing some "controlled falling" but it was just how he danced.. it looked like he falling off a cliff the whole time.. When u come with me next time, Ill show you..

Just like in the movie... "Gimme Someeee"

I took a coupla breaks cuz I nigga aint stretch or nothing.. so I was getting charlie horses in my toes.. OUCH!!! my toes were doing peace signs and shit.. So get back on the floor when they played "Chopped and Screwed" cuz thats still my shit.. then they played some more Pac.. and then my ultimate shit, "Ambitionz of a Ridah" came on.. I nigga was feeling it tooo hard.. so Im skating right? and this nigga lock up skates with me.. and I FELL.. Salty!! I bounce right up tho.. I tool it like a G.. At least I didnt fall on some fuckboy shit, tryna be cute or something.. at least it was someones fault.

That was about the end of the night.. I got the skating schedule to see when I can come on a slower night a practice or something.. RnB nights on sunday 5 to 8.. nigga... Im there with the old lady and groovin ass old me..

Later me and Glen went to Steak n Shake to talk about the night.. and that was it...

::side bar:: My cam be taking goods ass pics right??

SO hopefully more people will come with me next time.. I had dumb fun...

My Off Day To Do List... ((Update))

2009-01-22T15:00:00.003-05:00

Okokok...
the days bout over.. so i thought I would update..
1. Thank God
-I def did that when i woke up.. even tho I was woke up by some loud ass noise that sounded like someone pounding on my door.. after I said "What the fuck?".. I prayed and thanked God for another day, another off day.. and another day with a job..

2. Clean the house
-I did it for the most part.. I picked up everything in my living room and kitchen.. i just havent picked up all the clothes in my bed room.. no ones gonna be there soon.. so im cool

3. Vacuum
I sprinkled some of that smell good stuff that my grandpa used to put on the floor before he vacuum and then I vacuumed.. that shit works.. when I come back in the house, it still smell like that.. so thats good..

4. Take out the Trash
I forgot to do that.. but im bout to go skatin so.. Ill do it on my way out..

5.Wash the Dishes
hated it.. but i did it..

6. Call Harper about the Studio
Harper is the local Millionaire up here who won the lottery that i been feeding my mixtapes too.. well he is the one who got me on with the radio show.. but the last couple weeks he been flukin.. so i was posed to go to the studio and meet him today.. but i didnt feel like hearin no bullshit on my day off so i passed

7. Pay Insurance
Didnt.. but dammit I need too.. I swear I will

8. Clean Car
Did.. vacuumed..and got that thang washed.. i mean everyone was gettin there car washed..

9. Get Stuff for APT
I thought I need TP.. but I didnt.. I got some paper plates, frebreeze, some plastic cups, dustpan, and some candles..

10. Go To Big Daddys.
I was lookin for something for the concert next week but I didnt make it to that side of town... but I did go to the mall ::thumbs down::

11 Find Alexis Something
Thats my goddaughter.. but I didnt see no good outfits for her.. so Ill try later.. ber bday is saturday

12. Contact Roniquia..
Shes my favorite in columbus.. i was tryna see if she was free so I can get some music off her external HD.. but she worked today..

13. Contact Glenda..
She was one I almost liked.. but she got some music on her comp I wanted.. so I went over there and got it off her laptop.. her and her cousin is gonna join me at the skating rink tonight..

14. Contact Lifestyle
I gotta give them my new bank card info.. but I didnt yet..

15. Visit Lifetime
Life time is the big workout gym in the city.. Im tryna get a lil bit back in shape.. i aint really tryna be skinny bc my head is too big for that.. but I do wanna lose a lil.. but Chavi did say that "she would rather have a Fat Mack than a Slim Thug" i wish more gurls felt that way

16 Return Macy's Shirt
I HATE returning.. I never do that.. but I didnt wanna waste my money.. i bought a shirt... didnt wear it.. didnt need it.. adn it cost too much for me to just say fuck it.. so I returned it..

17. Do Laundry..
I did 2 loads. i had to wash some sock and uniforms.. I got to see my friend TiTi up there.. i told she was gettin her "grown woman" on bc she was doin laundry.. and she told me i was gettin my "grown woman" on bc I was doing mine too.. hhhhaaaaaaaa... she got that off.. she also asked why I was dressed so nice to do laundry.. I was just matching in my opinion... I took it as a compliment..

I encourage everyone who blogs to do this..
Im sure urs would be interesting..

DJDURL

My B.I.G. Day

2009-01-20T20:22:00.004-05:00

Man... People who know me, know how long ive been waitin to see the NOTORIOUS movie..

Way back when i first saw the preview... i was like.. ehhh.. then as more previews came out.. I got more excited.. as more advertisements were made.. i got more hype.. I even blogged about it..
But since One More Chance came out.. Ive been a BIG fan.. The video was like a house party that I wish I could throw and it just seemed fun.. I remember actually buying the cd single to that with the remix on it.. Ive had too many T-shirts with Biggie on them.. watched all the documentaries.. bought all the magazines.. i had the Source when he had the Grey suit on and the cigar.. way back in the day..
I mean.. i was him for halloween back in 06

So we all should know my excitement for the day of the movie..
I had prepared myself an outfit to wear so that i would be somewhat "festive" for the event.. i found me a red and black vest.. with the lumberjack print that Biggie rapped about.. and wore some Jordans that came out around 95.. something that he mightve even wore.. feel me? My bestfirned said i was goin to far.. but i dont get excited often.. so I went all out on this one.. so as the day arrived.. I made sure that i only had to work til 5.. so i would be ready at anytime to go..
My initial plans was to go to the movies with my bestfriend Ashley.. she knew how important it was for me.. so she wanted to come up from dayton to see it with me.. but all the snow and cold weather that came that week messed that up.. I told her not to risk it, and to just stay in Dayton.. So I decided to go with some coworkers..
I burned the clean version of "Life After Death" so we could play it in the store.. and we did.. as it played all the customers would automatically start talkin about their plans for the night to see the movie.. That got me even more hype.. While at work.. we all named each other someone in the BadBoy family.. (we goofy right?)... of course.. I was big.. my Assistant Quan, was Puff.. My full timer, Rachel, was Lil Kim.. bc we all know that outta everyone in Columbus I know.. Rachel is the most down for me and gets the most jealous.. knowing this.. Franny was named, Faith..Fran dont work there.. but wherever she calls for me.. "Lil Kim" gets jealous.. so it all makes since.. Leon was Jay Z and another light skinned cashier was Charli Baltimore.. So all day, we spoke with new york accents and called each other by our new names.. it was funny as hell..
Knowing that it was bout to be crazy trying to get tickets.. I had my nigga Dre buy me and Lil Kim a ticket for the 915 show.. good thing bc it was later sold out.. So I got dressed.. pick her up from work and we shooted straight to the theatre.. Dre ended up going to the 830 show.. and Roniquia was gonna meet us there.. Dre called and told me, "whenever you were planning on gettin here.. get here 20 mins earlier". SO I heeded to his words and sped there.. All the garages at Easton were filled to capacity.. So i had to park a lil far.. esp for how cold it was..
So Rachel and I hopped out and ran to the theatres inside of the Easton Mall.. and I saw that we werent the only one rushing to the doors.. I texted Roni to make sure she still had seats for us.. and she did.. So I told her to look for the Bubble vest.. When we got in.. it was stupid deep with kids.. Thank God Im old enough to get through all the security checks.. I had to show ID 2 times.. I guess that good bc I had already heard about the nude scenes..
So get i it..
Saw Roni..
and go to the top to get in the seats..
Good seats.. thanx Roniquia
The crowd wasnt too deep yet.. but this was a nigga movie and it was still a good 15 mins before it started..
People began filing in.. more white people were there than I thought too..
lights got low.. and made sure that Rachel knew that I wasnt bout to get up to get anything while the movies were on.. she so she would know..
But I did want an icee tho..
Anyways..
The previews were good.. Beyonce and Madea got some good movies on deck..
So as the movie goes on.. i pay close attention to the accurancy of the movie.. I loved the comedic side of it.. you know I always got jokes..
Roniquia did have a lil bet goin on.. I told her that Lil Kim would be naked 4 times.. I think she ended up being naked 3 tho.. but shit.. that was good enough.. naturi was a pretty lil kim

It def couldda been worse..
Faith was a good look in the movie.. and Derek Luke was my nigga everytime he did the Puffy dance..
I love the movie a lot.. and Im glad I got to go with the people that I went with.. I never get to spend time with Roniquia.. so that was good.. and Rachel got all emotional and cried at the end...
Since the movie dropped.. its all people have been talkin about lately (other than our new president) and i love to engage in the conversations.. it was really a great experience..

It has made me to decide to go to BROOKLYN for my bday.. i pray that God allows this.. this would be so great for me to experience the birthplace of hip hop.. and where two of raps legends came from... Jay and BIG.. shit... even Fab.. I just wanna walk down the street.. smell the air.. hear the noises.. eat the food from the street vendors.. and shop my ass off.. I wanna catch a cab.. i wanna go across the bridge..

i cant wait..
so ARE U COMIN WITH ME????

So I Got This From Sam...

2009-01-17T22:32:00.003-05:00

Sam had some questions on her blog that I thought might be interesting to answer.. since everyone elses questions for me are taking so long to come..

heres sams blog.. go read.. its interesting.. and you might wanna read older blogs to be current with the stories.. you might catch me in one of them..
http://mzinspiredmind.wordpress.com/

10 Things you wish you could say to ten different people
1. You have really fell off since i stopped messing with you..
2. Youre negativity about everything is sooo unattractive
3. If I take one more drink.. im gone end up _______ you
4. If you would cheat on him, you would cheat on me..
5. I wish I knew what was wrong so I could make things right for you..
6. The dudes that you like are lame as fuck forreal.. "recognize a real one when you see one" as my nigga BIG said..
7. I cant forget how u hurt me when i see you.. but damn u do look good..
8. You werent my 1st.. or even my second..
9. I think your "loudness" is a defense mechanism
10. You stupid as hell for still being with dude..

9 Things about yourself
1. You will hardly ever see me look in a mirror
2. I would never take club photos in the past bc they always ended up on t-shirts
3. I dont really want kids but I would love to have a lil me running around and I would also like to have a lil daughter that I could protect..
4. I love watching the food channel
5. I would trade any club night.. with a night in with someone I really like..
6. I had a deep fear for bad news.. and letting my family down
7. I would love to have sex on a balcony while its raining..
8. Makes buying shoes too much of a priority sometimes..
9. I miss my mom.. i wish she lived in columbus with me..

8 Ways to win my heart
1. If we are in the same room.. make eye contact with me, and smile..
2. When a song that reminds you of me comes on.. tell me..
3. Support DJ DURL, and love Darrell
4. If we are somewhere shopping.. tell me what you would like to see me in.
5. Lay on me and let me play in your hair
6. Make my house, your house.. i love feeling as if she might be staying with me tonight..
7. Invite me somewhere with you and your friends.. and dont call me your "friend, manager, this dude, or something else meaningless"
8. Cook with and for me on sundays b/c I HATE being alone on sunday evenings...

7 Things that cross my mind a lot
1. Will I ever have kids..
2. I wonder who is watching me and loving the way I am me..
3. I wonder who is watching mw and waitin to see me fail
4. Will I make it into Heaven?
5. How does God feel about me?
6. Why am I so scared to get my music shit together and be on stage with it?
7. Am I really appreciated by everyone?

6 Things I do before I go to sleep
1. Check my facebook
2. Check My phone
3. Make sure I see where my keys are so I know where they are in the morning
4. Thank God for today..
5. Watch First 48
6. Turn on my Lloyd mix and lay down

5 People I couldn’t live without
1. God
2. Mom
3. Thats
4. About
5. It!

4 Things I am wearing right now
1. Hoop Shorts
2. Wife Beater
3. Boxers
4.

3 Songs that fit my life perfectly(right now)
1. Young Jeezy - Crazy World
2. Jodeci - Im Still Waiting
3. Musiq - Forthenight

2 Things I want to do before I die
1. Go to Brooklyn
2. Make u happy..

1 Confession
I didnt have sex til I was 20.. by choice.. not by chance.. please believe..

Frustration

2009-01-15T00:31:00.002-05:00

Ladies and Gentleman...
I do appreciate all of your feedback lately.. Quietly, I been going through it.. I hate to bore you with it.. but Im just goin to act as if this is my diary.. so you do have to read..

First i will define frustration to have all of this make sense...
a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

I am frustrated.

I feel as if im in a mental boxing match.. Im taking this punches.. and im blockin but now im starting to feel them.. As much as I hate to speak on negativity.. esp in my life.. I will see if this will help any..
Ima young adult.. so image means a lot to us... I never want anyone to have a negative image about me.. honestly.. if you dont work with me, you dont really get to see me... I never really have much face to face time with you.. and all you have of me is our memories, my facebook status or pics and my blog entries.. we all know that people tend to remember the negative things more than the postive... so thats why I never try to leave you with a negative image..

Some things that are frustrating me are these things:

This money issue is getting to me.. I got money.. im just tired of the money Im getting.. Dont get me wrong.. I thank God for the salary I get.. it gets me thru and helps my shoe fetish, but damn... I need to find a new way.. I need to get more gwap.. who doesnt? This is minor tho.. im not trippin too much on this one.. im just bitching bc I paid my bills today..

Of course these females.. Ive spoke on how gurls take me the wrong way.. or some just dont get me... I know ima lil different, but im not that different.. I know I have a problem with expressing myself and im not really agressive at trying to get to know new people, so that could be part of my problem. I feel as if I am at the age to settle down, but that dont mean Ima settle for less. I want someone close to me, mentally and physically. I wanna have something to look forward to when I get off work... I want someone who will be my best friend. This is prolly why I like/love my bestfriends so much.. My two female best friends are how I would like my chick to be like.. Just real women. I love them for that. They both bring out different sides of me.. Tyra always makes me wanna be better.. she love me bc Im better than most of these niggas.. I come correct to people.. She gets it in with work, school and being a mom.. She has her own home and a nice car.. all by herself.. her ambition to grind til she gets it is what I love to see a gurl have.. and my other bestfriend, Ashley, is someone who is breaking through all of lifes struggles and making ways out of no ways.. using all resources to make sure her and my God daughter make it to the top.. and the most important thing about this women is that they are God-fearing Christians.. but both of these women are my friends.. just my friends.. I want someone close to me that will bring out different things in me.. I do have emotions.. who can bring them out? I care.. who can get me to show that?

Then the thing that gets me is when I start to wonder all of these things about women, another part of me says.. dont even worry about it, brah... yeah.. I call myself brah sometimes.. but anyways.. Theres no reason to go tryna to make a situation that God doesnt have in His plans.. I cant try to make a situation different than what it is.. I cant stress on finding the one God made for me.. God will have them find me.. I hope they shop at Deveroes or something bc thats the only place I see people.. I just get reminded at times how SINGLE I am.. I wanna buy nice things for someone special, or I wanna go some where.. I wanna see a movie.. these are all things that u need someone for.. but these things also take away from my money.. so I guess it aint always too bad...

My latest issue is with my family.. not a bad one as if they did something to me.. its just the things going on.. My grandpa is dying.. Born in 1926, my Grandpa has seen it all.. and Im glad he seen a black president.. but his time is almost up.. I feel as if I have to be the strong one.. My dad is gonna crack.. my sisters already calling me crying everyday.. his wife is gonna be done with.. and my Aunts gonna be hurt too.. So I feel as my 26 yr old self is gonna have to be the one that Grandpa is proud of for taking care of the family.. Its hard from up here tho.. But also, Im glad Im not around so I wont be so down.. I havent cried since my Grandma died in November of 06.. I cried a coupla times after over it when I was with Erin, but after the pain of losing my grandma and then being played by ol gurl.. my emotions have been bottled up... locked away.. never opened.. Im emotionally frustrated.. Im scared to cry.. I cried when she died and I couldnt stop.. I have strong feelings about things.. and I really get hurt when stuff like this happens.. I dont wanna cry in front of my friends.. but I also dont wanna cry alone? That make sense? I just hate knowing something not positive is bout to happen.. Im praying for my grandpa.. I just dont want him to suffer... and its hard when I have to work all day, away from my family, and my sister calls me crying in the middle of my day decribing how bad things are.. I cant do nothing.. i hate it that its like that.. but I cant.. i cant even show emotions bc if im sad, my sisters is going to be worse.. so I just tell her to pray, stop crying and not to let Grandpa see her like that... We know that Grandpa dont like seein us emotional like that.. I got my first hug from him this year bc he says "He dont hug"... i had to take me a hug from my grandpa..

And im not even gonna talk about sexual frustration...

but hopefully this has helped me a lil bit..

Shaking my Head...

2009-01-14T01:30:00.002-05:00

I know its so cliche to say "im different... im not like most niggas"
But i honestly believe that I aint.. i dont think like the guys that u normally meet, like, love or hate..
I really feel a separation between me and them...

I say that to speak on this..

So I have female friends and they def outnumber the males.. so one night.. while textin a friend of mine.. female of course.. by the time the conversation starts its already late... we both express our boredom and I say how both of us kickin it would keep us from being bored.. she expresses how late it is.. I express how grown we are.. and told her that if she gets sleepy, she could just say here..
I had no intentions of doing anything extra with her.. i mean, shes cute.. but I dont want her.. we already had our period of talkin.. it went no where.. but I did like her company... shes cool.. intelligent and she aint a hood rat..

So after sayin this to her, she like.. "I dont think thats a good idea.. we are cool and I like that but im not cool with spendind the night with you.. i dont wanna go back to that and I hope u understand that"

HOLD UP.. to me.. as a dude.. i was a little offended.. as if she was thinkin I had alterior motives and I was tryna to say what I could to get her to come sleep with me for other reason than to sleep.. I wish these gurls knew me...

Ladies.. a few of you who read this has actually been around me enough to know that, if im ready to go to sleep.. thats all thats gonna happen..
I have a bed and a footon.. can a nigga just want someone around sometimes?? My life aint always as glamorous as everyone makes it.. Im not always hugged up on some chick.. I like company.. and I rarely get it.. so when I offer time to someone.. I hate it when they think Im "trying to do something". I instantly get offended.. I just wanna be like, "I dont wanna fuck you anyways really..." Dont play me like Im some thirsty ass nigga.. please dont do that... if you want to know the truth... ask anyone who has been with me... Im not the sexaholic.. not at all.. I mean.. a nigga like to have someone around.. and if I am physical with someone.. I might touch a lil more or so.. but never am I a sex fiend.. I might be a "head" fiend more than anything but thats a whole nother blog.. I just ask you.. please dont get it twisted... maybe I just want you around..

Darrell

I Think Im In Love...... Again.

2009-01-12T01:16:00.002-05:00

As the song, "Prototype" goes... I really feel the strong feeling of love again...

I been tryna chill for a whle.. stay focused with work an tryna move to my next level.. whatever that might be.. i been just tryna pumy thought to the back of my mind... but i fnally gave in.. and went back... i followed my heart back to a fimiliar place.. place that im always happy.. where the things on the outside are just things on the outside... when I dont feel like doing anything else... when i get so caught up that i dont even answer phone calls or return txts...

This music shit has me soooo sprung out.. Today is my first off day since since i went to pic my comp up from my dayton.. For those who dont knw.. My comp got fucked up on my over the christmas time.. it stopped turning on .. and when it did turn on, it would shut itself off before it finished loading.. I had some corrupt files.. and everything had to be deleted... SALTY... like deep heart break.. i was hurt to lose all of my progams and mixes that ive made over the last 4 years since this happened... You would think that since this has happened before that I would have learned... NOPE.. im hard headed.. Ive learned this tme.. I got me a flashdrive and im goin to purchase a external hard drive also...

But today, as I downloaded limewire and went to all my sercret websites with all the new and good music... i felt oooo happy hearing music again.. ive been listenin to the same things for about a month now.. i was getting tired of it... While watchin a BIGGIE documentary on BET, i started downloading all my favorite bad boy songs.. then after reciting all my favorite lines.. i went and downloaded my favorite Jay Z songs.. and now Im downloading my favorite OUTKAST songs... just love the way the music makes me feel.. I wish a woman ge grab me the way this music does... I would have a ring on deck.. this is such my passion and I thank God everyday for keeping a song in my head ALL the time..

When Life Gives U Lemons....

2008-12-25T16:28:00.003-05:00

Hey Everyone...
Its Christmas.. and the end of 08.. I have a lot of things to be thankful for.. My life aint too bad.. i still have a job.. Im making more money this year than I was at this time last year.. Ive gotten close to a lot of people that I wanted too.. IM STILL ALIVE.. Ive been able to spend all my hoidays with now 82 year old grandpa... man I love him.. he just said "Its almost the new year, and I aint got rich yet".. aint he speakin for all of us??
man.. niggas need money...
With all the good things going on.. theres always things that try to test my faith... Like for example.. you know a nigga like me is always on the computer.. if I aint working.. Im reseaching something on the computer.. and now.. my computer dont wanna do past the start up screen.. whenever I start it up.. It cuts right back off... Aint that a bitch?!?!?

So let me put you in perspective on how much my computer is important to me and my life..

My computer is LOADED with music... Last time I checked my iTunes.. it said I had 23 Days worth of music... and thats without all of my mixes.. Im well over 100 mixes now.. esp since lately, ive mixed two radio shows.. My bobby vaentino mix, my Mary J Blige Mix and a few other mixes in the past month... So Im praying that its not my hard drive.. Ive just been leavin it alone and lettin it rest lately.. hopefully itll get back jumpin.. bc I need alllll of that music..

But even if it doesnt work.. i wont trip.. ive been praying.. I been talkint o God.. this might be his way of telling me that I need to fiend for HIM as much as I fiend for this music.. Im sure he understands a lil bit, bc He is the one that made me how I am.. he knows how addicted to the music I am.. So im prayin for a good ending to this story...

I just pray that people dont trip on the little things esp in 09.. little things will keep u away from big things.. you can be soo hung up on some bullshit and mess up you chance for the better things...

So I pray that everyone has a lot of lemonade in 09

2008-12-21T01:25:00.002-05:00

Sooooo... I had the whole "13 Question" thing a few weeks ago.. and the last set came late.. so i thought I would still at least post them...
and heres what she wrote...

sorry...we just never got up on AIM. but here are your 13..

1.what made you start mixing?
Man.. I been wantin to mix as long as i could remember.. i used to played two tapes at the same time to make songs mix.. but now since I have a real way to do it, I mix.. and I mix alll the time..

2.where's the one place in the world you want to visit most?
Brazil... def for the ladies, food and overall culture..

3. where was your favorite place to hang out at in high school?
Over my friend Crystals house.. her and my cousin used to smoke weed and be blowed as fuck.. and I would just laugh and joke with them all night... I never smoked with them tho..

4. why do you love Alicia Keys so much? ((besides her obvious good looks!))
I mean, its mostly bc of her looks.. but besides that.. she smart as hell.. i watch her interviews.. I love how she speaks.. and carries herself.. she is the shit to me.. and she dummy thick...

5. If you could get your neice && god daughter anything what would it be?
I would love to give them a paid for college education.. and a coupla pair of fresh ass jordans..

6. if you could have a super power it would be...?
Teleport.. traveling takes more time than I want it to.. if i could have a second one.. it would def be to be invisible

7. what impresses you the most?
self confidnce, and unique-ness.. the ability to open my eyes to something i wouldnt have noticed

8. if you went to school again for something what would it be?
Computer graphics or web design

9. what's your dream car?
I really dont know.. I guess whatever car makes my "pussy rate" go up.. haaa

10. if you ever have a son would you consider naming him Darrell no middle name the III?
never.. well cant say never.. but no..

11. when we go a bar what should I expect you to order?
Goose.. maybe a long island if i tryna get fucked up quick..

12. do you have a favorite year?
07.. def

13. what song are you thinking about? ((cuz I know you have one in your head))
Bobby Valentino - Cant Wait Til Later... Everytime i think of summer of 07.. i hear Bobby V's cd..

Thanks boo.. hope u were informed..

Musiq - OnMyRadio Review

2008-12-20T00:39:00.003-05:00

I felt strongly about this cd.. so i felt I had to blog about this..
take this trip in my mind..
Im gonna talk about some people.. not directly.. but u might know if Im at your door..and also.. u might hear me knockin.. but i aint really talking about you... its just my thoughts, manifested...

1 Backagain -
This song seems to be about a relationship, that was over.. and been over.. and then outta no where.. the other party wants to come back and talk about things and work things out.. For us normal people.. aint that some shit when someone you are completely over.. comes back or at least tries too.. confusing right?? Youve got urself past the period of questioning urslef on the situation.. then.. BOOM.. more unceertainty.. more questions... should I jump back in the poool that almost drowned me once before?? Should I jump back in the pool that left me high and dry??

2 Until
I love this song.. the beats nice.. the "J'Adore" perfume commercial sample is hot.. i love the length of time he describes that his love will last.. we all have someone who we know that we will love forever.. no matter who else comes in our lives after.. I know I have a few of those.. he did is thing on this one...

3 IfULeave

I didnt really listen to this song when it first hit the radio.. but after further review.. its a good, well written song.. this nigga Musiq be saying what I be thinking forreal.. He is speakin on my side of relationships that Ive had that were cut short... some many times gurls have gotten so upset over tryna get through my hardheadness.. and please believe, im hardheaded and stubborn.. but i change with time.. on my time.. I feel you tho.. I know that we are on two different clocks.. and I cant help it.. so if you feel that you will do best without me.. I gotta let you do you.. but im doing me.. and that what the issues are.. no love lost.. I do understand.. you dont understand how many times Ive gone through it.. If i put u through it.. raise your hand...

4 deserveUmore

This is a selfish song.. and i fuckin feel it.. sometimes you just want to be on that... "who deserves you more than me??" that how I feel.. sometimes after all the time and feelings uve invested.. all the molding and everything that comes with that, u dont want someone to reap all of your hard work you sowed for years.. I deserve that.. and ima fight for that shit.. thats no one who deserves you more..

5 Special
Nice song.. nice lyrics.. not one of my personal favorites on the album.. but still a good song.. for some reason I feel like this song needed like Q-Tip or Rapheal Saadiq on it.. feel me tho?? I like the line.. "you and me look good together".. do u all think about this as much as I do?? I look at how I look with someone either in a pic or a mirror.. and i imagine how we are seen.. I think I would look good with a few people.. but it would have to be someone "special"

6 Dearjohn

Really nice song.. I love how it starts with the gurl talkin and getting ready.. that she notices the "Dear John" letter.. such and sad song.. sung so well.. this shit sounds great.. i would love to hear this live.. I saw him live this past summer while he was sick.. and he still sounded great.. back to the song.. he speaks on how he just knows its time to keep it moving and no time to look back... how would you feel if you happen to find this in the middle of you regular day.. your regular work week.. or on your way to the gym or to pick up the kids.. that will mess a niggas day up forreal.. he gets right to the point.. and says goodbye.. the songs ends with her on his voice mail.. great song.. great story ::message erased::

7 Loveofmylife

Sounds great when it open.. nice live band sound.. the song isnt your traditional "love of my life" song.. this is from the point of after things arent good.. this is after the "reflection" period.. after you get your heads out the cloud and get back grounded.. when u see that somethings are so important with out the one with you.. without the one to share it with... what do you do when u lost love and then u notice that what u lost is what u wanted?? do you humbly try to come back.. or do you take a different approach?? are you apologetic? do u ever feel as if you deserve a second chance?? how do u show someone that they are the love of your life?? how can they take you serious after what happened in the past??
Rhetorical right?? well these are my questions when listening.. the song is beautiful.. then it mixes right into one of my other favorites on the cd..

8 Moneyright

This is something that EVERY real nigga will relate too.. its in my nature to want to take care of the one who I want.. i wanna take them out.. i wanna stay in with them.. i wanna buy stuff for them.. i wanna go shoppin.. but i gotta get my money right first.. I got it in my heart.. just not in my pocket just yet.. feel me?? how much is worth that I want to do it.. but I just dont have the means for it?? I love it when the gurl understands that Ima do what I can... and respect me even when me money might run out.. one who knows that on an "off pay week".. we might just sit in the house and watch a few movies.. but that thursday after I get paid, we goin to the movies babe, and u can get that big bucket of popcorn and that red and blue icee that Ima drive half of.. I promise..

9 Someone

You know he had to hit us with the power ballad that we would expect from him, well this is it.. this the song that you zone out... or at least I do.. we is speakin my words.. he talks about how he wants someone who doesnt want him bc of who he is.. but for what he is.. someone who is self confident and has confindce in her lover.. a strong friendship.. someone who trust, believes, wants to be lead but can take control, and will build her man up.. gotdammit if that aint a real woman, then I dont kno what is.. I pray God is making this gurl for me.. cuz im being so picky til I see it.. we always have someone in our mind who we would love to be this someone.. someone who we would just wish would flip the switch in their brain to see how "meant to be" you and them are.. til then, should we keep it moving and stick it out? How do u know which one is your someone? I wish my "someone" could see me, my intentions, potential and love. Man, this song is so strong.. this some ol wedding reception, slow dance song.. dont catch me on the floor on this one.. i might sing to you.. can you picture me with someone?? yes, me. The forever single guy. How do you picture my "someone"??

10 Iwannabe

I thought this was weird to be following "someone" but its still hot.. this seem like a Carl Thomas song.. the feel of it.. the sound and everything.. like you on a island with some breezy ass cream linen pants on with a coconut drink or something.. the words are really nice tho.. very poetic to me..

11 sobeautiful

This is another one of those songs.. he aint just got one on the CD.. this is one of those like "someone".. this to me is like a valentines day song... you telling her how beautiful she is.. and how she is the best thing to happen to you in your life.. it sounds a lil different bc of the tone he is singing it.. but its a nice change up.. i feel that this should be played for your gurl everyday.. i feel that in a healthy relationship.. she should know that your still attracted to her everyday you see her.. she should know it without u even sayin.. she should see it in your eyes.. look at her like you want her..

12 Radio

We all know this.. this nothing like the rest of the cd.. not that that is bad.. but i like the finished product..

I looooooooooooooooooove this cd...
on constant repeat my niggas...

Pussy Rate

2008-12-09T14:55:00.004-05:00

Growing up as a black male.. your peers always tell you ways to make your "pussy rate" go up... I will try to define "pussy rate" as much as I can

Pussy Rate - Noun - an imaginary chart that calculates how much vagina you can get that changes when u acquire certain qualities, items, history or any other factors that will make you more or less attractive to the female gender to make her want or not to want to give you the pussy..

Some tanglie factors that we as men believe that can make our pussy rate go up are:
Money
Clothes
Cars
Muscles
Tattoos
Houses
Cologne

Niggas do the things that niggas do.. just to get more pussy.. Sorry for using such a strong word to some but it gets the point across..
If we could get the chick that we wanted, while being broke, never needed no money, no cars or job.. we wouldnt do shit..

Ladies.. think of a man that u like..
Picture him in your head..
you see the last thing he wore when he saw you? or maybe what did he wear the 1st time yall went together somewhere? how did he smell? when yall went some where.. did u pay? How is his place? is it comfortable? how does the bed feel?? how is his hair when u see him?

All of these things.. we know yall pay attention too.. so we try to do all the right things to make the rate go up..

All our lives we are taught how to act, what to say, how to walk, and everything to make us be attractive to the one that we want.. when is it too much??

I mean damn... do i have to do allll this shit just for someone to like me? The thing that got me thinkin like this is when I was lookin thru some of the adds in the newspaper with one of my older niggas.. and we was lookin at the home theatre section.. he was like..

"Nigga.. you need your house laidout like this.. get you the 54" flatscreen.. get you some suede couches.. bose surround sound.. get your computer shit all upgraded.. some nice ass lamps.. and table with some nice shit on it.. and BAM! your rate is through the roof"

Im like damn.. i gotta do all of this.. just to get some?

People know that that aint even my goal.. I aint never just seeked out pussy.. as corny as it sounds.... I look for strong friendship that leads to that.. courtship.. stuff like that.. I like watching movies with a chick.. cooking and eating.. face to face conversations.. getting drunk.. laying with females who I like.. these are things that I want to happen BEFORE the act happens.. if the act happens before.. it kinda messes things up in my head.. but thats another blog...

I have always sort of been "anti pussy" rate on somethings.. I never wanted a really nice car bc i never wanted the reason why someone liked me was bc of my car.. I dont really like it when gurls just know me as DJDURL bc i dont like groupies.. I dont wear jewelry bc it bring the wrong attention.. The things that I do do tho are make sure my hair and shoes are clean when u see me.. maye i might smell good so that u remember it when u hug me.. I might even hug u a lil longer if i aint seen u in a minute.. cuz u like that..

but to me.. those are just factors of me.. I love shoes.. so i do it for me too.. and i gotta feel clean.. so I gotta keep me hair nice.. and if u knew me when I had braids.. you would never see me with my fro out.. I always had some fresh ass braids..

also.. if you knew me.. I aint never had a car that was just the SHIT.. me cutlass back in the day was jumpin.. but it got the wrong attention.. and it got broke into too much..so I always said fuck it..

Ive always had the inside pressure to lose weight bc gurls never want a fat dude.. their fantasy guys are TI, Chris Brown, Ludacris, Lloyd, Trey Songz blah blah blah.. I dont look like that.. and im cool with that.. we all cant look alike.. but Im sure, that mentally.. I can be attractive. I want someone to like me for anyways.. and thats the really thing I ever said..

I want you to remember how I make you feel when I leave you more than remember how I look when Im with you..

I want to be the one who makes you happy and smile.. the one who makes you laugh.. the one who listens and doesnt talk about himself so much.. the one who doesnt constantly look in the mirror at hisself.. not the one who is in the mirror more than you.. I want you to be the pretty one.. just let me be the fresh one... cool??

Is it arrogance to not want to be like every other nigga?? Do I act too good bc I dont feel like i gotta do certain things and I WONT do certain things just to get someone to like me or let me fuck? I dont wanna go thru hoops and change everything about DARRELL, just to get you.. I wanna be ME with YOU.. will you let me be that or do I gotta be him??

What u Think???

PS.. I would love to remake these pix... they sexy right???

Every Word in This Blog is Gonna Be About U!!!

2008-12-04T00:56:00.001-05:00

I wrote this in 2006 on my myspace blog.. and it still makes sense.. so i copied and pasted for those who havent read it..

"YOU"

So... 2006 has been a hell of a year so far... and it aint over...all of the memories of this year would be a great movie... think of where you were last year this time... think of the love that has turned to hate.. and the strangers that have turned into friends.. and old friends that have turned in to better friends... all of these things have happened for a reason...

Love yourself.. b/c you cant love no one unless you do... deal with your problems and ask for help sometimes... love those who love you back.. and when they show their love.. dont turn your back.. dont change...

You are a beautiful person.. inside and out.. and some see it.. but many overlook it... but keep growing... keep goin... one day that one person will open their eyes... Look in the mirror and love what ur lookin at... someone else out there does... so why dont you??

Think of who you were around this time last year.. and see what u have learned in the past 365... things aint always what they seem... but dont let that hold you back... dont let what one person has done to you keep you from someone who will right all the wrongs...

Love yourself and fulfill your goals.. finish what u have started.. use your talents and do what u love... finish school... get a job you actually like.. get money.. hang around postitive people who are movin forward and love those who have shown love back...

You are not alone... look at all the people who tihnk highly of you... give them a chance... open up... say what you feel... and mean what u say... sometimes conflict will come but you live and you learn... you gettin older now... so you are learning a lot... your on your own.. no one to fall back on.. and your makin it.. and you still got your family... and your loved ones... so be happy.. and learn something everyday... and if they dont notice how special you are... FUCK EM.. haha...

Love, Yourself

((ASK)) About ME

2008-11-28T21:17:00.000-05:00

I gave 3 people the chance to ask me 13 random question of their choice.. and I have to answer 100% honestly.. so here they are.. I hope u find the answer and questions interesting...

but at this time.. only 2 people sent questions back.. so im posting them

This is 13 Questions Chavi had for me.. hope u learn something..
of course im the one with the name DytnsNum1Stunna

ChAvIBaLlA (6:52:13 PM): 1. If u were feeling someone,would you go out of your way to let them know.
ChAvIBaLlA returned at 6:52:22 PM.
ChAvIBaLlA (6:52:30 PM): 2. Do u fear rejection?
ChAvIBaLlA (6:53:20 PM): 3.have u ever rejected a female because she didn't meet All of your requirements?
ChAvIBaLlA (6:53:48 PM): 4. How many times have you had your heaart broken?
ChAvIBaLlA (6:54:15 PM): 5. Do you hate anyone?
Dytnsnum1stunna (6:54:37 PM): let me answer them
ChAvIBaLlA (6:55:08 PM): Ok....we will do 5 at a time
Dytnsnum1stunna (6:56:59 PM): I dont usually go out my way too much.. i just make a way for us to interact to make sure if i wanna pursue it
Dytnsnum1stunna (6:58:23 PM): I do fear rejection..
ChAvIBaLlA (6:58:39 PM): Interesting..
Dytnsnum1stunna (6:58:55 PM): I dont have requirements..
Dytnsnum1stunna (6:59:39 PM): Maybe once.. Im not even sure if I would label it as that.. but ive gotten my feelings hurt a few times..
ChAvIBaLlA (6:59:49 PM): U have a list though.....which turnes into qualities u like which afterwhile becomes requirments
Dytnsnum1stunna (6:59:52 PM): No hate in me...
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:00:31 PM): next 5
ChAvIBaLlA (7:00:40 PM): 6. If u could switch places with anyone in the world who wpould it be and why?
ChAvIBaLlA (7:01:53 PM): What is the one question u would ask God when u get to heaven?
ChAvIBaLlA (7:02:14 PM): 8.what was your childhod nickname?
ChAvIBaLlA (7:02:57 PM): 9.what is the weirdest/wildest thing u've ever done while driving?
ChAvIBaLlA (7:03:44 PM): 10. Name something u do when you're alone that u wouldn't do in front of others?
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:06:06 PM): Prolly Diddy if it had to be a celeb.. if it was a normal person.. it would be whoever I was trying to talk to.. so i could make them like me
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:06:40 PM): I would ask God wheres my Grandma so I could go hug her..
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:07:00 PM): My auntie called me Tankie as a baby..
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:07:15 PM): .. fall asleep
ChAvIBaLlA (7:07:18 PM): Cute
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:07:52 PM): sing
ChAvIBaLlA (7:08:04 PM): 11.have u ever called ur love intrest by an ex's name?
ChAvIBaLlA (7:09:16 PM): 12.if you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would it be?
ChAvIBaLlA (7:09:37 PM): 13. What type of music do u hate?
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:10:06 PM): nope..
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:10:43 PM): i would change my social status... I would be in a higher tax bracket..
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:12:05 PM): i dont really like local music or music that promotes satan
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:12:20 PM): ... thanks for the interview..
ChAvIBaLlA (7:12:21 PM): I see...
ChAvIBaLlA (7:12:38 PM): Sure...thanks for being open
ChAvIBaLlA (7:13:01 PM): U didn't think my questions were lame did u?
Dytnsnum1stunna (7:13:41 PM): u are all out of questions buddy

Now Sam-I-Am.. had her chance to ask me 13 of them.. and here are hers..

What's an automatic disqualifier for a woman you deal w/?

a woman who is too stuck on her past to see how well and better her future is gonna be.. it happens wayyy too often to me..

1. If your life was a movie what would be the theme song of your soundtrack?
Not just because its a new, hot song... but JayZ - History.. the whole thing about being remembered, tryna be successful and leaving a legacy is all i think about during my life..

2. What's your favorite quote and why?
"if you like it, then u shouldda put a ring on it".. haaa
just playin..
umm.. let me think..
I would have to say currently it is.. "if you wont, someone else will"
i made a whole blog that explains my thoughts on that

3. What would people be shocked to know about you?
I dont believe in myself as much as i should.. I make safe decisions, im terrified of failure and bad news..

4. What's your most prized possession?
i would have to say my computer.. i would be so depressed if this thing messed up or even ran outta memory

5. What's one thing on your Xmas list?
PS3.. hopefully ill getone before xmas bc i know no ones gonna buy me one..
and some turntables.. i need to get all the way back at it..

6. How many kids do you want?
the question should be, do I want kids..
i would like to have child, esp under Baracks leadership.. he brought hope back to me..
but i will be ok if i dont have any.. and most likely ill be with someone with a child.. thatll be enuff for me..

7. If you were President for a day, what would be your major platform?
im so not political.. but it would either be try to make more jobs, or ways to get more people in college and to stay in college.. not just for their refund checks..

8. What's the best song(in your opinion) to listen to when your heartbroken?
I usually listen to the songs i can relate to.. but when im gettin over it.. its usually anything that dont have anything to do with love..

9. What song do you listen to when your ready to go kick it?
Big Tuck - Aint a Stain on Me

10. When you die, what do you hope people remember about you?
how i made them smile, and laugh and how I personally signed every cd they got from me..

11. What's the most important lesson you've learned as a grown ass man?
Dont trust no nigga..
If you loan someone some money.. u will never get it back.. and ull probably never see them again..

12. Are you willing to give us another chance?
that is a question you will have to ask God..

Throwback Moment - Alexander O'Neal

2008-11-23T03:09:00.003-05:00

If you know me, you know how I feel about this
So heres the visual for it..
quite disturbing..
So ima break this down, minute by minute..

Minute 0 - 1:
The city looks nice.. he has a nice lil signature logo jumpin off..
then as the night moves in, the video takes on new meaning... this dude is standing on a balcony I guess.. standing.. one hand in pocket.. singing to the contact.. making some weird eye contact.. I was thinkin that maybe i was over thinking it until the :40 mark came, where he is sitting in the "living room" reading a note while singing.. his body movement is getting worse.. and it makes me squent my eyes in question.. by the time :55 - 1:00 is up.. im frowning.. mind u, this is my favorite song.

Minute 1 - 2:
So at this point.. he starts gettin upset.. if theres one thing that i cant take serious, it would be a soft ass nigga getting mad.. so ten seconds in.. he throws the card that his lover left for him... so I bust out laughing.. So after this.. he starts posing and sing and shaking his head all different ways as if his name was "Twan" or something... what kills me is how every 10 sec the camera gets closer so you can see his expressions better.. then you notice that he is mad bc the letter says sorry.. on the last 10 sec of this minute.. i have to laugh and say "no homo" out loud to him laying in the bed... haaaa

Minute 2 - 3:
during this minute.. you dont see much.. just him promoting smoking.. and getting upset a lil and slippin his leg... then at the end of the minute you get the sideview of is powerful slickback.. he couldda at least acted like he was singing tho..

Minute 3 - 4:19:
During this minute.. he is tossing and turning bc apparently, the bed is too big for him to be sleeping alone.. then wakes up at of a nightmare into to singing directly in to the camera.. this nigga got the makeup caked on.. im thinkin the director said, "act scared, as if you were in a haunted house, make sure u poke out your lip and pout like a lil boy.. or girl"

Man... this video sucks ass.. ill stick to just listening to it on the cds.. not off the video..

maybe next ill do Jason Weaver - Love Ambition, since thats my other favorite..

What u Think??

My Playlist - Artist Spotlight ---- Trey Songz

2008-11-22T02:16:00.002-05:00

As I was leaving a hip hop spot, I was driving home..
The radio was on.. so instantly looked for a Cd
the nearest one was label "All Trey"
MY SHIT!!
So Ima take you through the mental journey I went through while each song came on..
Ride with me..

1 Your Behind
This song is somewhat of an ode to the booty.. he my nigga for that.. Lord knows how much I can appreciate a great behind... I gets stuck off seeing one...
Shawty. I want you so so bad... you running through my mind.. all I see is yo behind
Theres has been time where I get so deep into thoughts of females booties that I happen to dream about it.. So I can relate so much to this... I know that for me to be happy with my wife.. she hasssssss to have a nice ass.. or she gonna get mad when I look at one pass me..

2 All The Ifs In World
I love this song.. I love the meaning and how it was sang. I cant relate to this with a few people and in a few different ways. I really am short when it comes to feelings but I do have them. I do miss people at times, and I do sometimes wish things were different between some people, Marica and Brenda to be specific.. I still love them as I did when we were cool... But my stubborness will not let me apologize for something that I feel I havent done.. of course I dont feel as if I did anything toooo wrong.. Im sure I couldda been a better friend to each of them.. but at this point it is what it is.. I just dont seeing it coming back.. but never know right?

3 In Ya Phone
I like this song a lot.. it just reminds me of a club.. seeing a chick and getting at her.. and telling her to put my number in ya phone.. no real emotions attached to this song..

4 Missin You
Like earlier stated.. I do miss people..
I miss the way you kiss........... i miss you staying here in the morning..
these were two lines that stood out to me.. ME being transplated to a whole new city, I do miss people.. and I miss the relationships I had.. I miss being only 10 mins away from anyone.. I hate that I gotta schedule a vist with any.. I miss bumpin into my people in traffic.. I miss you.. all of you..

5Hatin Love
Man, when I heard this song first, I dummy felt it.. but I really felt it after everything in the winter of 06-07.. failing in 2 relationships that I felt as if I did nothing wrong.. both chicks I was faithful to, both gurls I loved.. both I couldda seen something long term with, and both were gone in a flash..
Love aint posed to feel this way.. love aint posed to hurt or cause me pain
Man, love did hurt me in 0ct 06 and jan 07.. and I hate it.. I hated love so much.. this song made a nigga emotional.. yall dont know how depressed a nigga was.. and how much I could relate.. Even when I hear it to this day.. I go back to how I was feeling back then.. no smiles.. I mean I was in DEEP depression... did you know that? I was so ready to be done with everything.. I cried alone.. I smoked weed thinkin that I might make my days go by and numb me.. It made things worse.. Crazy right?

6 Girl Tonight (Remix)
This is the remix with just him singing.. no twista rapping..
This is my shit.. sometimes you just gotta get right to it and let the gurl know that tonight is the night..

7 Murder She Wrote
This is about him giving his heart to someone.. and then his heart getting thrown away..
I been there.. I gave my time and feelings just for a chick to act like the feelings were the same.. and then ended up with another nigga.. and i was like, Damn.. .where he come from?? Felt like I got shot in the heart.. and it was murder she wrote..

8 Last Time
Love this song.. im my dream i could sing like him on this one.. so ima tell you how I can relate to this one.. not because I was cheating on a gurl but bc I was the one that the gurl was cheating with. Never in my past relationships that I actually cheated in did I make it a long term cheating.. it was usually an "oops" thing..
Ok, back to the subject, I always felt I was too good to be someones other man.. and I kno that its bad karma to mess with another mans gurl.. but I beeeeeen wanting this gurl.. and over time.. it seem like the one who I had been hunting, started to hunt me.. so I said fuck it.. that bad right? we all make mistakes.. but dammit.. I wanted her for too long.. She actually told me that this is the song that reminds her of me..

9 Good Lovin
I like this song.. i cant really relate too much, Ive never been in love. I can understand how this would be a nice concept to be in but Im just not there yet.. im still waitin..

10Fly Together
Im so fly, you so fly, whats flyer than you and I together??
i think he got that off... you gotta feel me.. Im a fly nigga.. at least I feel as if I am.. and Ima need a fly chick that can stand next to me and hold her on.. Her swagg gotta be turn on.. and prolly turn on "stupid".. cuz Ima need a chick with STUPID SWAG... and a nice booty of course.. as previously stated.. :)
Me and Shani def connected on this during our time.. cuz she is pretty fly.. not as much as I.. but she does try.. why lie? :wink:

11 I Dont Love You Anymore
Pretty strong word right... but its how I feel sometimes tho.. I never want anyone to feel as if they as stopping my life by not being a part of it.. you can miss me with that.. one monkey dont stop no show.. I cant stop wont stop.. so I feel as if I have to play this role something..

12 Bidness & Pleasure ft Bayje
I just found out who the chick is on the song.. but dammit this song is sexy..
This is another great great great slow jam wrote by STATIC.. ((RIP)) this song will make you ask.. "whos song is this?" but ive already blogged before on how I can relate to this.. just read one of my earlier blogs for this story.. heres the song tho..

13 Ride with Ace Hood
I love this song.. love the chorus and all of that.. I would love to have a ride or die by my side...

so that was my lil mental trip that these songs take me...

what u think?

You there..

2008-11-05T01:37:00.002-05:00

Yes you...

I want you to interview me...
I want to give you the oppertunity to ask me 13 questions so I can post them on my blog..

I want to get this chance to the 1st three people to comment on this blog...
so what u do is..
comment this.. state u full name.. and then how u want to do the interview..
either via text message or instant messanger.. i have AOL and Yahoo..
DYTNSNUM1Stunna is the name on both..
so.. go ahead.. and i want you to think of the 13 questions ASAP so we can get this on here...

Thanx for your participation..

Darrell

Some More DJ DURL EXCLUSIVES... finally..

2008-10-23T01:23:00.005-04:00

TakeUHomept2.mp3 - DJDURL
heres some of the songs on it..

Big Kuntry ft Lloyd - Love U The Right Way
Neyo ft Jamie Foxxx and Fabolous - She Got Her Own
R Kelly - Freaky Sensation
Jamie Foxx - VIP
Usher - Trading Places
Lloyd - Heart Attack
Sisqo - So Sexual
Day 26 - Come With Me
TI - Porn Star
702 - Places
Sam Salter - After 12 Before 6
Danity Kane - Sucka For Love
Lloyd - Year OF The Lover
Cherish - Bump Like Some Speaker
Raheem DeVaughn - Text Message
Jodeci - Im Still Waiting..

TI-TheKingsBack.mp3 - DJDURL

This is some of TI songs from the all of the years in his career

This is one of my FAMOUS Bedtime cd.. this is part 3...

Bedtime3official.mp3 - DJDURL

With songs like Myron - Destiny
Jodeci - Feenin
Playa - Cheers To You
Usher - Do It To Me
R Kelly - Sex Me
Jodeci - U & I
Janet Jackson - AnyTime AnyPlace
Usher - Can U Handle It
112 - All Of My Love
Jason Weaver - Love Ambition
Alexander ONeal - If You Were Here Tonight..

Cant go wrong with them songs..

This is one of my new mixes.. i posted the playlist on my facebook and myspace..
this shows how i get it jumpin in Deveroes...

DevOCT08.mp3 - DJDURL

Listen, enjoy
and experience

can i get some feedback????

The Good Days Pt 4

2008-10-22T23:47:00.002-04:00

This is a mix i did a few months a go that I never finished..
Im messing witn Imeem.com and seein if i can upload my mixes so u all can hear them..
Im tryna do podcast and video blogs in the future.. so im takin steps.. so hopefully this works..

this is about 40+ mins.. enjoy.. more to come.. asap

TheGoodDays4.mp3 - DJDURL

Is Random, Random?

2008-10-19T13:10:00.003-04:00

So I wake up..
Brush my teeth..
Check my emails and check updates
then i check my phone...
text message..
I read..
it states...
"I Love You"
I smile
This makes me reflect.
This simple 3 word sentence says more than any paragragh could
This what I want..
Love.. to be loved, to have love, to share love
Thank you..
so I text back and ask...
"what made u say that?"
the answer i got.. paraphrased
"just wanted to tell u, I was on my way to work and it crossed my mind how much I love u and how good you are to me babe"
Babe? so Im babe now?
remember.. this is the "forever single man" ur txtin
was this random? or strategic?
I think the latter..

Is this a way to get me to think of her.. or even us when I normally wouldnt? maybe
These gestures will make or mess up a persons whole day. When u get messages like these from someone that u actually want them from.. you get geeked.. I call it "remote control".. they are controlling or altering your thoughts without even being around.. rather it be positive or negative.. we allow people to have remote control over our thoughts sometimes..
You could get a txt from your babydaddy while your out having the best time with your new man, and he can just fuck up the whole night.. bc you have giving him remote control over you... What is the new man to do at this point?

Who has remote control over you?
Who has that Universal Mind Control?

You Can't Like Me...

2008-10-18T02:19:00.002-04:00

You ever had someone that youre feelin.. and for whatever reason, they not feeling the same.. so automatically you start to wonder.. damn WTF is wrong with me? Well i dont dwell too much on things like that.. i just sit back and see what type of dudes do they like.. usually when i sit back and pay attention i see exactly why they dont.. and then im cool..

SO if you like dudes who:
*are lightskin
*wear Girbauds
*participate in gangs
*are dopeboys
*had gold teeth
*has braids
*wears Reebox
*airbrushes his clothes
*are skinny
*talk a lot
*wears dickies outside of work
*wears/owns/likes/wants burgers
*votes for McCain
*wears tight clothes
*wears overly big clothes
*wears tall tees
*smokes weed
*throws up gang signs in pictures
*doesnt work
*is a rapper
*gets drunk or high daily or weekly

----THEN U CANT LIKE ME

::WINK::

Life Lessons

2008-10-17T22:04:00.002-04:00

"If you won't, somebody will"

Lately, this is been resounding in my head during my daily treks through life. Rather it be when im at work, as the boss with my employees, or if it's dealing with these females. As a boss, I have to remind my workers that they arent the last people out here wanting a job. This is a recession, people need and want jobs, and esp these young, fashionable, shoe fiend teens. People come to me daily asking for my employees position at Deveroes. At the moment, all my positions are filled, I have all the role players that I have space for. My bench is full and my starting players are on the court tryna hustle and get it. Most of my workers are hand picked by me.. I notice people at all times.. I try to be a good judge of character and I am always trying to have the best people around me... So when I see someone that might make my team stronger rather it be due to their personality or even their looks, I try to get them down with us. I want to come into my store and see all the workers and know that all my people seem like they should work here.
When acquiring a new prospect, you go thru the interview process. You never are really meeting the real person during this process, you are meeting their "agent". This is there rep that they are playing, not the real person on the inside. They would never talk back, slack around, be late, call off, steal or use their phone while in an interview bc they know I or anyone else would hire them if any of this went on.
So when you think you have a good pick, they start to get comfortable. They slack, they are late all the time, they ask for more hours but wanna leave early when they are at work, its always something. What is a MANager to do? I keep interviewing at all times. I always try to keep someone on deck so they know that this job isn't a right, its a priveledge. There is no contract, we have a open door policy, you can leave whenever, and I can have you gone when I feel like you are no longer useful. So don't ever get too comfortable.
You can we the parallel of being a boss of store and being the boss of your own life. You don't want to do everything by yourself. You want to have good partnerships right? So the hiring process is like dating. Before I even think about dating someone, I've prolly watched how they have acted or just seen what they were about from a distance. I never just see someone and go in for the kill. May be weird or old fashion but that's just Darrell. So after checking out the prospect and doing a few background checks, if things seem right, I go forward. So during the dating process, you get to meet the person's agent. This is the person that you will later be on the phone yelling with, the one who after calling every night at the same time has failed to call this whole weekend, not the one who you thought was the shit. You never get you food how it looks on the box. Your food never looks how it does on the commericial. This also applies to relationship. They never are who they say they are. He will never be there every night like he said he would. He will leave you hanging some nights with the babay that looks just like him and that u gave his last name. She will try to holla at one of your bestfriend and will never tell you. She will get a little too drunk and have sex with someone you know. These are all things that you would never know while trying to acquire a new team mate.

I digressed a lil bit, but i said all of that to say this... when all of the things are said and done, you cant feel as if that person is your last choice. Shit, someone else will do anything that you want them to do, if you open up and allow them. Just because I blocked everyone out while talking to you, that dont mean that I cant get them back. Thats what we all need to learn and know, from both sides of the fence. You have to know within yourself what u want, and what you will take, and what things you can kinda do without. Like me, for example, if I were looking for a female, some things that I would want would be, at least 22, not too skinny, a non smoker,has a car, good hair, good sense of fashion and a nice butt. Those are my little things that I look for. Knowing that people are all different, I got to know which ones can I live without and which ones cant I compromise. Say that I have a chick, she has good hair, good fashion, has a car but is under 21, and lives at home. I have to think, do I feel too old to be meeting someones parents when I want to come over? What about when we might wanna go out, she cant go when I can go, and I dont wanna go where she can... What makes you stay? I would have to say, it would be how they treat you. Do they act like they wanna be down or are they just cool either way? That would be the decision maker for me. Im at the age where I dont feel like playing the guessing game. If you like me, act like it. You wanna kiss me, lick your lips and look at mine or something.. sheit, that what i do when im thinkin about it... Tell me that I mean something to you. Know that if youre not, 95% of the time, someone is. I have learned that my shyness and lack of communication has left me in the dark with a few people. I couldve been with a few people if I just opened my mouth. Just this year alone, I have gotten DUMMY close to at least 4 gurls who I have been to scared to let them know how I felt about them. Each one, ended up being bad timing tho, but each of them have expressed the same feelings that I did with them.
How does that make me feel? its like a double edged sword. One on hand Im like "YESSSSS, i finally got her", then on the other hand I'm like, "FUCCCKKK, I couldda been had her". With each situation, Ive learned not to put people on so high of a pedestal, niggas bleed just like me, none of these chicks were so much better than me. So why not take advantage of the present? If you aint telling me how fresh I am when u see me, or you not smiling when I want in the room, or you not making random eye contact when Im close, or your not telling me how good I smell after I hug you, please believe, someone else is/will. Own your emotions and let them out sometimes or youll miss out..

Im speaking on this to you and to myself. I've experienced this from both sides of the fence. Ive been the one who has gotten too comfortable and let someone slip in.. Ive been the one who slipped in while another nigga got too comfortable, and ive been the nigga that a chick got too comfortable with and let someone take her place. Im just saying that postions are always availible in my life... Ive NEVER called anyone WIFEY... thats a position yet to be filled, and dont think I aint looking for one either... Ima chillin ass nigga.. but I always have my eyes open.. Im watching everyone go thru their thing. I like to see how some gurls are cool with being single and they are making it with or without a man... and i see some gurls who cant stand to be single.. who always have a new name comin out they mouth.. always going thru the ups and downs bc the men they choose dont get to the know the real them bc THEY dont even know the real them. I feel as if I need some ME time to know what I like, and want before I can expect someone else to be able to fill in..

so what side of the fence are you on with the person that u like??
are you too comfortable? Dont think you are the only person that likes them. I tell gurls this all the time that, the same thing you see in me at least 5 others gurls see it too.. So why not show me that u want me more than they do?? What are you doing better than your competition?? You gotta believe that if i feel as if youre worth competing for that Ima beat my competition everytime. Thats how Im supposed to feel..

My Playlist... as of 10/09/08

2008-10-09T12:57:00.002-04:00

Ive been asked countless times, "Whats your favorite song?"
Do u really expect me to answer that... with just one song?
Nigga please.
But for the curious, music lovers, who wondering what be in my head.. heres a lil insight..
I love reading peoples playlist..
It tells a lot about the person..
at least mine does...
Mostly all the songs i can relate to personal feelings i have, a person, a timeframe, or I just LOVEEE how it is put together...
but most songs (ESP rnb) are my feelings being expressed. I sing all these songs when Im by myself... and im prolly singing to someone when I sing it..
I love a song where I can see how a video would look.. or when I hear it, I directly connect it with sometime in my life.. or someone in my life, past or present...

so heres one of my playlist on my phn... its simply titled "RnB"
Ima need yall to comment on these too.. tell me which ones u feel.. which ones you downloaded after u read or whatever.. i need feedback.. either on the blog, thru txt message or in person..

Mario - Inside of You
Maxwell - Softly
Micheal Jackson - Liberian Girl
Angela Winbush - Imaginary Playmates
New Edition - Sorry, You're Not My Kind Of Girl
Tank - Personal Assistant
Tony Toni Tone - All I Ask Of You
Brandy - should I go
Brandy - Full Moon
Brandy ft TI - Where I Wanna Be
Brian McKnight - Is this The way Love Goes
Bobby V- Only Human
Bobby Brown - Girlfriend
Bobby Brown - Rock Witcha
Blackstreet - JOY
Donnel Jones - Special Girl
HotStylz ft T-Pain - Assume The Position
Ginuwine - None of Your Friends Business
Erykah Badu - Didnt Cha Know
Eric Benet - I wanna Be Love
Eric Benet - Feminity
Jazz (of Dru Hill) - Right Here With Me
Bobby V - My angel
Anita Baker - Sweet Love
Anita Baker - No One in The World
Anita Baker - Angel
Tyrese - Lately
Tyrese - One
Trey Songz - Last Time
Tevin Campbell - Always in My Heart
Tevin Campbell - Tell Me What You Want Me To Do
Chaka Khan - Angel
Immature - Constantly
Janet Jackson - Come Back To Me
Jodeci - Im Still Waiting
Bobby V - Cant Wait Til Later
Jodeci - U & I
TLC - Hands Up
Tony Toni Tone - Slow Wine
JS ft R Kelly - Love Angel
JS - Someone
JS - Slow Grind
JS - Stay Right Here
JS - Right Here With Me
JS - Stay
JS - Baby Come On
JS - Bye,Bye

My other playlist on my phone are...
BadBoy RnB
90s Songs
All Lloyd...

WHAT U THINK??

Keep It Movin...

2008-09-16T21:11:00.002-04:00

Blogging really helps me speak, when I usually wouldnt.. I dont really talk much.. everyone knows that... the only time i really speak is at work... when I have the Deveroes uniform I have to speak, I have to be "on". Most of the time, my thoughts stay inside... so hopefully, blogging will be my outlet for you to get inside my head a lil bit..
For the few of you that actually follow my two blogs.. this blog is more personal.. more me.. even though its title "DJ DURL", its mostly Darrell talking.. This DJDURL person only comes out on cds and mixtapes.. theres no DJDURL persona.
So this is called "keep it movin" bc I've been notified by my employer, for the 2nd year in a row, that they want me to relocate to another city. This time its Indianapolis. Yeah, outside of Ohio... Brand new to me.. New land, new area code, new fashion, new sports teams, new capitol and new capital.. however way you wanna see it.
Personally, I don't want to do it. Nope, not at all.. I'm cool. I made it outta Dayton, which was my goal. I did that. My parents didnt even do that. I make more than my dad... thats not good.. but its the truth.. Im in control over a mutlimillion dollar store and Im running it like a pro in my rookie season.. I should be the Rookie Of the Year.. esp now that my nigga Aaron quit... cuz he def had that on lock.. but I feel like im the man now.. I feel as if Im the "go-to-guy", but some might think that Im the "Get-shitted-on-guy" bc Im the one they call on when stores arent doing too good.. Im the one who has to recover it.. Well, shit.. I gets it done though.
Deveroes up here was losing heavily when I got here.. I brought energy, youth, life and sense of humor to the store and the city. I brought shoe and clothing knowledge to my workers.. I brought a whole new vocab to the city.. niggas in Columbus know what BURGERs are b/c of me.. I did that.. I like this city.. I would LOVE this city if I loved the people.. I dont love them yet.. I love a few.. but collectively.. no.. The city is nice, its always moving.. and theres things to do and places to go.. something Im not used to from my city. I have made a few bonds and a few friends that Im going to miss up here.. ((Ima miss you Roniquia :(... )) but thinking forward in life.. I might need to make this move.

As a youngin.. I always wanted to get a job where I traveled.. welll.. here it is.. in a sense.. I always wanted to get outta Dayton... did that.. I got my music playin in 15 stores.. 5 cities and 3 states.. thats a lot.. but I could be doing more.. I could be touching more people.. i could be affecting more peoples lives.. I have tried to find reasons why im getting chose.. I think its because Im single and childless.. but I could reverse this and say that this could be the reason why God has kept me single and childless for so long.. So I can keep it moving with no strings attached.. not saying that I dont have any strings bc I do.. I love my bestfriends.. my God daughter.. my Deveroes people who I will be further from.. and just my piece of mind and havin stability...

Like I said before.. I dont talk much.. so youre saying that once again, I have to show a whole new city who I am, where I came from and what I stand for... so once again.. I got to make new friends.. and I promise it take you to be with someone for 4 whole seasons to see if they are really your friend.. you need to know how people act when the weather change.. so I gotta go another whole year without having any friends close to me... I dont trust people.. so Im dreading how my winter is going to be... I have made a few good connections here that I wanted to build on and see how things ended.. but also.. on the other hand.. Im still single.. I havent found no ones worth quitting my job over and signing a 2 yrs lease for or anything close to that... so why not?
truthfully.. Im scared.. Im nervous.. and i just want to know that everything will be alright..
Gods Got Me though..

My Rant on Females and Relationships..

2008-09-04T14:38:00.002-04:00

People ask me... "why dont u have a girlfriend?", "how is it that your 26, with no kids?"
You would start to wonder, what's wrong with him? Is he crazy behind doors? Is he abusive, does he cheat? What the hell is the problem?

While watching "Tyra" ((No homo)) her subject is "What Men Really Want".. mind u, this is a female show... Men can only tell you how men feel. I hear on the show about how women get some pissed off at their men because they don't notice the simple things, or don't notice the details. Which I won't argue with. Example. Theres this chick that I used to be real cool with last year.. we used to work together.. but I moved.. and she lived with her babydaddy anyways.. but I always called her my babymomma.. Her gripe in her relationship was that he never paid as much attention to her as I did.. I would rub her belly when she was around me.. speak to her son thru the belly... I noticed her hair cut.. and the fact that she got it colored.. she said it had been like that for a week.. and her BD hasnt even noticed or said nothing about it... This struck me unusual. But a way that I kinda figured that out is when I'm at work, and we get visits from our bosses.. they notice the details of what is wrong in my store that I walk past everyday... im in this store everyday and I never noticed how many lights I have that arent working... What sense does that make? Not to many.. but it does make sense to me.
I hear about how women have the problem of when they talk on the phn with the one they like.. the conversation changes through out the months.. When speaking daily, how can u have sooo much to say everyday...
Here is my problem.. I dont talk that much.. I have communication problems.. I really dont want to talk all the time.. I would rather have face to face interaction than over the phone. I also need my time. I want to be able to miss someone.. its already hard for me to miss people.. but if you give me a chance to, then that will keep things going..
I know I have mostly female readers.. so I think that this will also help with insight in the mind of many males.. or even if one of my readers are trying to get closer to me.. this will also help ::wink::

My main answer for when someone ask me why dont I have a girlfriend is "All the gurls I know have a problem".
Let me be specific on some of my problems without being too specific. I wont say names.. but youll know if Im speaking on you..
-one gurl has too much going on outside of us that keeps her mind away from the focus of whats ahead.. too many things in the past blind her from seeing how the future could be, rather it be our past friendship, money issues, or whatever.. My heart is one that wants to help. I want to make an impact on everyones life that I love.. if i feel that I cant help, I feel like Im not good enough. Sometimes you gotta let people go through their "thing" to be able to see the light.. Should I wait? Why? I'm a good ass dude..

-one gurl is too young to me. I feel that for someone to relate to me, that have to have some type of experience to under stand me and my possible struggles.. I dont feel as if someone who still lives at home can fully understand me and why I work so hard to do what I gotta do.. Sounds wrong a lil bit.. but Im so far past meeting someones parents just to go to the movies with them... feel me? I know when I was younger... I had a few experiences I had to get under my belt.. before I even knew what "ready" looked like..

-one gurl is still stuck on the 1st babydaddy.. how can u allow yourself to move forward with someone new if their past is right with them in every conversation? I dont want to think about dude.. and I wish they wouldnt either.. feel me? that can drive someone away..

-Another one, I already messed with. I always felt like we were never done.. I also felt like I was misunderstood and I never feel like i have to explain myself but I know now that out of respect, you need to let the other person know your thoughts and motives.. let think know how u work on the inside.. i never allowed them to know that.. and with that happening.. they bounced.. and had another family.. like that ::snaps::
Now how can I go back with someone who had something with someone else that they couldda had with me if they were just a bit more patient? Just a question..

-And then like always.. the ones that I do be feeling, show no interest.. no feelings or nothing in that way.. people that I see go through bullshit situations with bullshit niggas.. and I sit back and be like "if u were with me.. you would go thru this...". But everyone go through this.. You feel as if you could just get close to that person.. that 1 person.. that everything will be right..

Please believe me.. that aint always true.. I've gotten close to a few of the ones that I used to watch from the sidelines.. and Ill be gotdammit if they aint nothing like I thought they would be... You see them in such this beautiful light.. and when you feel as if the planets just so happened to be in all the right spots.. and the sun shine on you at the right time..and they actually like you back.. you think that this bout to be it.. this might be the one.. WRONG.. well atleast for me..

Im starting to feel as if I'm too picky.. maybe Im too work minded.. maybe I focus on music too much.. maybe Im too stubborn.. Oh well.. ILL BE DAT

At this point in my blog.. I dont even think Im still on subject.. but oh well.. this is my shit anyways.. Im just speak on what I think..

This is how I picture a chick for me..
-Fashionable.. one that will make me be like.. "where u get that from and who u bout to go see in it?" one where I aint gotta worry about what she bout to wear when I pick her up for us to go somewhere.. One that gets me hip to the new shit.. one that knows what "I" look good in..

-Organized.. Im not so organized my damn self.. so I would want someone who is the "plus" where i am a "minus"... help me get to the point of where I need to be..

-Polished.. I need to know that when I aint around.. she will still be a good representative of me.. not too loud.. but not a push over.. one that aint gotta be at all the parties, drinkin all the goose, and showing all of her tittes and ass.. feel me?

-Musiclover.. For obvious reasons.. but you aint got to be in love with it, just enough that when I make a reference to someone in music, you wont be too lost.. someone who I can sing with when listening to old 90s music..

-Christian... of course.. need I say more about this? No..

-Confident.. I want you to know that if Im with you and for you.. you are the only one I see.. we all know there's a lot of chicks in my life.. but you can ask anyone who I dont talk to on that level that I keep it all plutonic.. if we aint talkin.. I aint talkin crazy to you.. thats just outta respect forreal.. I grew up around an older sister, my mom, my auties and my grandma.. so u know they taught me how to treat a woman.. esp one who deserves it.. Love yourself before you learn to love me.. and all the things you love about yourself, I will def love too..

Out of all these things, I might be able to excuse one thing off the list.. b/c I feel that I can work with that. BC i know I will never be everything on someones list.. and i would want someone to work with me.. shit.. i aint perfect.. I know Im stubborn, i got a belly, I snore, i forget things.. all type of bullshit.. but seeing through those things will lead you to a REAL man.. someone with goals and a future in mind. Someone who has made sure his whole life that he didnt take the path that all my friends did.. ive fell short a lot of times.. but ive succeeded a few times too.. I want someone to see my potential, to see OUR potential.. to see that I aint tryna be like no one you ever messed with.. as long as you treat me and yourself with respect.. we could be jumpin... you feel me?

My Trip To the Clinic...

2008-08-18T13:18:00.002-04:00

First of all.. I encourage EVERYONE to get test a few times a year.. just to be safe and to take care fo yourself and others...

So I'm at the clinic getting tested as everyone should, and like always, I'm observing everything and watching everyone. When I first walk in, I see bowed heads, sad faces and weird looks. Sucks to be them. So I go fill out a few papers and then take my seat. Get my number called, answer a few questions and then go to the room. When I get to the room I remember how much I hate needles. DAMN So I see all the utensils and a niggas stomach starts to rumble. Maybe I shouldda ate before I came.

So Im sitting, reading all the paperwork on the walls and listening to doctors and nurses conversations outside in the hallway. I overhear a nurse telling a story of how they told a lady she wasnt pregnant when she actually was. Her excuse was that the pink lines on the test were too faint and made it inconclusive. Thats fucked up..

So Im chillin, makin sure I dont look all sad or nervous cuz niggas will think I got something off rip if I look sad and shit.. and im cool.. So Im thinking, I wonder what my doctor is gonna look like. Ima a lil shy around pretty strangers sometime, so Im hopin for a fat, white woman. My reason for that is if its a fat black woman, it might remind me of someone I went to church with or something and I aint tryna feel bad. That would be a lil embarrasing tellin a church lady about my sexual experiences.

So the door opens. A fat, german lady walks in. ::wipes forehead internally:: YES! Im cool. She ask me all the questions and I answer with no problem. Then she bring out the needles and the cups.. Nerves start instantly jumping. I pull my arm out, make a fist and she searches my arm for veins. Ima lil thick i guess so she couldnt find one. She said she was gonna go get someone who was good at finding veins.. I thanked her.

I rolled my sleeve down on my Blacc Label shirt and exhaled. Doc came back with a smile. Then followed her was an older black woman, she came in smiling too.. she looked at me, smiled. Looked at the german doc and smiled. Then they both looked at me and laughed and then these chicks HI-FIVED.. No BULLSHIT.. these two ladies just walked in the room im in and just Hi-Fived in front of me like they just won a championship game. They might as well chest bumped or something..
Im like, "The Fuck? whats the hi-fiving for?"... the new doc was like, " Ohh nothing, Im just glad I finally got some bait".

Huh? Bait you say? What do I look like? Put yourself in my shoes... how would you feel at this time? Would you be cool right now? You never see docs hi-fiving all in front of you.. Im trippin right now..

So I pull my sleeve up and turn my head.. she grabs my arm and says "mmm" like she just got a bowl of campbells soup or something, and then tells me I have good veins.. "Thanks??" I say

She finds a vein, pokes me.. and it was over with in no time.. painless forreal.. No problems.. So I finish with everything and then go sit back in the lobby. Same people from earlier are out there. Some dude that frequenly shops at Deveroes was in there, his people, couple white people and some arab looking lady. The Devies dude is one of them "I talk all day and loud as fuck" ass niggas. He was talkin all loud about if his nurse ever told him that he had AIDS he would punch her and then jump out the window.. niggas.. Btwn this and other ignorant comments, he would just blurt out how he had to go pick up his son and how they were taking too long. Then some girl walks out the door from the back and they all get silent. He stares at her up and down as she walks then she tell his dude, "go give her my number". WHATTTT?!?!

You dont holla at no one at a clinic.. not saying everyone at a clinic is infested.. please believe me.. im just sayint that there is a time and a better place to do that at...

Then after that.. he goes up to the arab lookin chick. She was cute.. but she also is in the clinic.. and when I came in, she was the one with her face in her hand.. not a good sign. He asked her does she have a myspace and could he be her new friend. This nigga is tryna spit his A1 game at this lady.. and im just sittin back.. shaking my head.. While he tryna spit at her.. his babymomma call.. he tell his boy to pick it up and tell her that he in the restroom at the the gas station.. as he proceed to keep holla'n at "the face in my hands, arab lookin" lady.

I couldnt make all of this up..

Does It Really Matter Now?

2008-08-12T23:58:00.002-04:00

::Typin with a lil smirk::

So... the last post ruffled a lil feathers.. thats whats its posed to do. I always pray that God takes unneeded things out of my life. I pray that the people who aint gonna help me make it to the top, that God just take them out my life. I pray to God that if I'm wrong, put it in me to apologize, make me not make excuses for "being a bad friend" as she says.

Well I aint got it in me.

They used to be my niggas, they use to be my loves, I wouldda did ANYTHING for them. Why such the big change? I put the blame on me. I blame myself for wanting more for myself than what Dayton has to offer. I blame myself for not tryna just be cool with people just bc of what songs they might rap or whose team jersey they wearing. Im right on your front porch with this one.. But these are the reason I feel that I have nothing in common with a few Daytonians. Mind you, I love my city, Ima always have a 937 number.. but not a 937 mentality. Im so proud of my old friends for their accomplishments, but are they ever proud of my for mine?

I mean, I am a product of Dayton, I did go to Dayton Public Schools, but how am I really like you former classmates? Do I have ANY kids, any possible kids out there? Have I had a chick even have an abortion? Hows my record? Any drug or gun charges? Had to visit me in jail? Ever had to put FREE MY NIGGA DJ DURL on your facebook status? I mean, Im still alive.. you never had to put me on a RIP tee.. Am I askin you for money? Am I asking you to babysit my kids? Or am I bringing my kids with us, and are they spoiling our good time?Where my babymomma drama that all us NIGGAS have? Wheres my addictions? Addiction to sex, weed, alcohol, video games, stealing, or anythings else not positive?

Yall so worried about what I'm doin, what about what I'm not doing??

So since this past weekend, Ive gotten random niggas calling me, threatening me, talking shit to me, bc of some problem that a chick has with me... I've had THEE longest negative facebook messages on my wall, for the world to see.. Ive had girls calling my phn after midnight, on a work night, a night before me havin to work all day ((yes, i do have a job that requires clockin in and out)) and tellin me how much a friend that im NOT.

I shrugg my shoulders now.

I hate being like this, bc Ive loved and still in my heart i still do love 2 out of the 3 of these females, I just dont like them. I dont like what they have grown into. But who am I to express that?

So I have kept it in for the longest. I hate were at at this point, but I cant be apart of no more discussions about "DJ DURL" being so different, I want Darrell back, or you spend too much time with unimportant people.

Who the fuck is DJ DURL? and when do I become him? When do I have groupies around me? Last I checked, my bed be empty every night. What makes my current friends soooo lame? Because they werent in my life prior to 04? Who made that rule?

Let me ask you somethings that I dont really expect you answer... Why am I soo wrong for tryin to better myself and keep people around me who I feel is positive and make me smile? So am were you wrong when I didnt hear from you for over a year? Did you want to surround yourself around someone that you loved and someone that you thought was for you and made you better? Unexpectedly I was taking out of your life because of your desicion to better yourself... how selfish of me would it have been to team up wit some other people and try to bring you down from you self-improvement? But when things didnt work out.. I still didnt harbour my old feelings or hurt and betrayal that I did have to keep inside when you left. When I seen you again after the year.. I spoke, smiled and gave you a CD.. such the DJ. I allowed things to be rekindled even after my closer friends didnt want you to be back apart of my life.

Ok.. let me ask another question.. Wasnt I supposed to move with you a few years back? What happened? You got ghost? no words, no text, no calls, I was left hanging. Even when you came back, I just keep throwing it in your face?

I know Im wrong for my heartlessness. At this point we know Im not going to be 04, 06, or even summer of 07 Darrell. So why keep asking for him back? Why not try to understand the present Darrell and see why he isnt the same. Try to understand why we are as cool as before. Ask where am I goin? What are my goals, objectives?

My goal is to be a proud husband and father and to not be ashamed of any part of my like that could be recalled back to me. I dont want someone coming up to my kids and sayin anyhting negative. I dont want nothin comin back to my mother, I dont want nothing coming back to my father, nothin coming back to my sister, no one. Ima make everyone proud. I aint gonna let no one down in my life thats down for me. Anyone who genuinely cares about me and my properity will see that my eyes is on the prize. I swear all I need is more God in my life, I pray that the woman that he puts in my life will be God-fearing and God loving. Ive asked that the ones who arent to be replaced. Maybe God is working. Without the ones who dont have His love, maybe Ill see the ones who do.

Tell me thats wrong...

Things Change...

2008-08-11T00:08:00.002-04:00

Question:
When growing up, what if u grow away from your friends? are you being fake? What if you see that you're not on the same paths, is it wrong to go on on your own way? How do you re-establish closeness? Can you still care about and love someone that you no longer talk to?

These are questions that I have in my head often. I have friendships that last through the test of time.. and I have some that have a good run, and then fade. Am I wrong for not staying the same person as I was in high school or in 04? I know back in high school, I was a really selfish person, I was a player of sorts, and I was never really focused. In 04, I was really work minded but also a club head.. I had perfect attendance at FUSION every saturday... Me and Danielle.. drink before we show up.. and dance all night.. that was my dog.. I met a lot of people from there then. But if you knew me then, im prolly not exactly the same.

Now in 08, I'm 26. Im a workaholic, an RnB head and I like to buy shoes and clothes a lot. Thats just me on the outside. But the inner Darrell is way deeper.. Its a lot of things I dont like, rather it be about people or life in general. Its a lot of things that I might've tolerated back in 04 that I wont today.

I hate HOT gurls.. point blank. If I feel that your actions put you in the category or being "hot", I cant really deal with it. I feel as if we prolly dont have much in common. The groupieness in gurls is so unattractive to me in 08. Gurls that wanna talk to, get to know, fuck, or get attention from niggas bc of their car, because they rap, or some other bullshit reason is a big turn off to me. Its hard to see my friends messing with people that they wouldnt normally mess with if these people werent "somebody" to them and the people around them. Its just so unattractive to me. Ive been told that I say my opinion too much or too harsh in the past, so I've learned to let my friends "do what they do" with out havent to hear me display my disgust. With that, I've separated myself from them without even paying attention. If I have nothin nice to say, Ive learned not to say nothin, unless you choose to ask. If you ask me, its my duty to let you know exactly how I feel about you 100%

I have friendship that I cherish, but the friends that I have them with, I really don't speak to them much. These people I still love, as I have before, but some of them I just don't have nothin to say to them. I know it sounds wrong, but if you know me, I dont have many words anyways.

Since I've left the city of Dayton, I've been on myself to not be the same man as when I left. I want to act and be more grown. experience life more, and only open up to a few key people, instead of tryna be EVERYONES friend all the time. When I first would visit dayton, I would have a long list of people to visit in a short time. This made conflict because when I would visit someone, I knew I had someone else on deck and it was cut out the quality of the time I was spending with each person. I was too busy textin the next person, seein where they were.. or I was textin the last person I was with, telling them how much fun I had with them or whatever, I was never spending enough time with each person. Later in the months, I would cut down my list to show less people more time. This would make the ones who didnt get to see me, mad. So I got to the point where I just didnt tell no one I was comin down. Dayton is too small for you to just try to slide in and slide out without being noticed.. so that brought conflict with people sayin "Oh, so you just gonna come to dayton without telling me" or "I gotta make an appointment just to see you". It wouldnt be that, I would just try to see my people without makin everyone mad. I love my people and I miss my people all the time, but how do you see 15 people in one day and spend quality time with them? When it get to that point, the people who dont get to see you as often or as long, they start to call you Hollywood, bc they see your facebook pix with other people. What am i to do?

I got to the point of only visiting people who calle dor texted regular or those who actually took the time to visit me in columbus.. which we kno is just a handful... and just comin up to the club doesnt really count to me. You wouldda did that if I didnt live here anyways. So this soon made a lot of people mad. I started to shrugg my shoulders to it. Which made me seem so nonchalant that I must not care anymore. Which was wrong, it was just nothin left that I could do. There are people that, beause of our history, prolly deserved more time then what I gave, but how was our time spent when I did see you? There was one time when I came and sit with someone special and when I sat with her.. all she did was look at herself in the mirror as we talked. I mean she wasnt directly in the mirror but she was in it the whole time, checkin her hair, eyebrows or whatever while we were speaking. That was annoying. This was a person who said I never spent enough quality time with them and the people who I was spendin time with werent around when she was. Well the people around now sit and eat with me, we might watch a movie together, they ask em to go to family fuctions with them, their kids might be attached to me, so I visit the kids too. There a lot of reasons to me that make one friends bond a lil stronger than the next. Its nothing too personal, its just more of a preference. I might prefer to sit and talk to someone who is cookin for me and jokin with me, then someone who wants me to go to the bar with them and their friends. Maybe I just wanna chill with you, not everyone thats with you.

Even with all of the closeness not as present as it used to be, I still care about these people as much as I did when I was in dayton. My one friend is still always in my thoughts, she was one of the many female bestfriends that I had, but we have both grown into two different people. Our likes and interest are totally different. When you have no common interest, what is there to talk about? I dont have time to spend my lil hour or two with you while Im in the city discussin how I spent time with someone that you dont like the last time I was down. The doesnt make since to me. While I was with that person, please believe they didnt think about you enough to bring you up, so when focus on them during our time?

At this point I dont know what to do. Im not goin to change back into the person they liked before. Im not gonna stop bein cool with other people they dont like. Im not gonna call all outta no where bc EVERYONE knows I dont call no one. I feel bad as hell for not tryin to make things work but I feel like if I try to make things better, than Im not goin to follow through as they would want me to. So that would lead to future dissappointment and arguements. So until I find a bette solution, I will keep it moving. I hate it though. It seems so harsh and uncaring bc I do love them, but I aint who they want me to be, and in the end, I gotta wake up to myself everyday and live with my choices, they dont. They chicks dont even like me like that, so why change or compromise myself just for a friendship? You do that for relationships and marriages. So until I find a better solution, Ima keep changin, for the better hopefully, and pray that you with still love me through my evolution.

Darrell

My Love Letter (P.D.A.)

2008-07-22T11:00:00.003-04:00

Dear ______,

How u doin? I missed you today.. been missing you my whole life forreal.. Glad u finally got your mind right and recognized a real man.. yes MAN.. not dude, nigga, boy, young adult or anything less than a man.. God has blessed you and me with a bond that He has been strenghtening that he has had planned since before we made it on this Earth. So many times I've doubted God that you were here for me, but my faith in His word keep me goin and not worryin about all these other GURLS. I found me a real one, a treasure that is so priceless that I could never trade you in. I feel like God made you for me.. and me only.. I like that.
All the wrongs that we been through before made us right for each other. Think of all the bullshit relationships I been through... the arguments, heartache, all the attention they wanted from everyone but me, all the cheating, and wasted time. None of these things well ever describe our relationship. My love for you make these other gurls jealous.. but a real woman would respect my love, dedication and respect for you. Could it be jealousy? Prolly, cuz niggas dont give half a fuck about them as much as I do you. They know that when they ask me, "What you thinking about?" I always say you.. Its like I was meant to be with you.. I love that.. I feel as if my purpose in life is to show that TRUE LOVE does exist.. there are still good men out here.. yall just dont treat them right, yall dont pay no attention to them, yall just wanna be FRIENDS with them, you never take the chance to see how good he can be to you.. you are missing out on the realness of a good relationship chasing these niggas that you kno are on bullshit.. but thats fine.. I LOOOOOOVVEEE mine...
I've always felt as if cant no one make me better.. cant no one give me MY name.. i feel as if i determine all of this.. no one can make me better... until I met you.. you got my swag so hard.. you got me turning my face to all these weak groupies.. the ones who dont know my real name.. the ones who wanna know DJDURL.. not Darrell.. You know me. I thank you for being around when money was low.. when my car was down... when i felt like I was the only one in the world who had problems... when i felt there was no solution.. the days when i didnt wanna get outta bed.. you been my heart.. my joy.. my ALL
I know this isnt like me to show my feelings.. im MR I DONT GIVE A FUCK.. when have i showed my feelings to these other chicks.. I might have showed a lil bit.. but nothing as strong or deep as this... I cant help it.. I been chasing all these other chicks.. you know.. the good-haired light skinned ones.. or the thick brown skinned ones.. you know how much I love them.. but never have i been blinded so much by you..
Fuck all them other weak ass niggas you been with.. i prolly only respect a couple of them niggas.. but we both you know.. you been with some weak niggas... esp when you compare them to me.. excuse my arrogance or confidence... but I know me.. I know my love.. my devotion.. all that.. you were made for me.. and i was meant to fall for you..
I love you Hip Hop stay with me forever

-Darrell

Wont She Just SHUTT UPP?!?!

2008-07-17T22:53:00.003-04:00

ABDC is one of my favorite shows now adays.. but dont you just hate it when u love something anfd and theres something that just spoils it..
Its like your favorite restaurant.. with your favorite food, your favorite way.. but the cashier that works theres get on your fuckin nerves... well.. Lil Mama is the cashier to me...
I mean.. who the fuck is she to be giving peoples her opinion about dancing.. bc of the "G-Slide"? hell nah.. i'd prolly rather hear Soulja Boy if that was all it takes... She makes me angry during my favorite show... I mean... i never seen her kill it on the floor like these groups do every week.. she got killed by Chris Brown in her own weak as verison of MJ and JJ's Scream video in "Shawty Get Loose".. I wish you could vote off judges...
What do she be talkin about? and what do she be wearing? them weak ass glittery ass hats.. they are a distraction...
ok.. im done.. sorry.

The Good Days (Quiet Fire) - Track Comments..

2008-05-26T23:32:00.004-04:00

This is the more personal side of me right here..
when i actually sit and tell you the motivations and reasons behind some of the songs i put on mixtapes...
This particular mixtape does have a main subject that I picked most of these songs for.. and usually when theres someone in mind.. it bring out some of my best work in my opinion...
This mixtape I dont plan on giving out to too many people b/c I dont think yall gonna feel it as much as I do..
I want people to hear it that will really appreciate it.. people that will hear these songs and think back.. remember when they were younger.. people that will remember their earlier loves.. people that remember singing these songs with their siblings or bestfriends.. someone who used to lock their doors and lay on the floor and listen to these songs when they came out on TAPE and played them over and over again....
I kno I aint the only one.. well if you feel me on that.. you might deserve the CD.. I dont even think this CD is for people below the age of 21... they might not be able to fully relate to all of these songs...

So the person that helped with this is someone who has been in my life before the DJ DURL days.. before the Deveroes days.. back when I was a nigga with braids who kept mixes in my pocket for whoever wanted to listen.. this person has always meant the world to me and never really knew.. Somethings you just keep to yourself.. Me and her for a good week would be on the phn for hours thinking back on old songs.. SINGING at all hours of the night our favorite parts.. rememebering how the videos were when we seen them on VIDEO SOUL.. She is my favorite person.. I love her to death and I tell her all the time that she is the prototype of a good woman/wife.. I feel lcky to have someone so close to me that cares and loves me almost half the amount as I do them.. We not in a relationship like that.. per say.. but i kno that no one will take away my friendship and love for this woman.. she is my right hand.. my right wing... my bestfriend.. my backbone.. my family... she has been there thru all of my ups and downs with all of these crazy ass females and i've been there for her with all the crazy ass niggas.. and thru all of it.. we still here.. we had our lil time apart that i think about everyday that i wish i couldve had back.. but we wont let that happen again.. People never get the flowers while they can still smell them as Kanye said.. which means.. people dont usually get to know how much they mean to you while they are still around.. so im giving her this dedication.. Its personal.. but this is the only way i could let it out... Love U
ok.. the music

1 Michel'le - Something In My Heart
This song is my shit.. this was on one of my early slow jams mixes that i cant find.. this song is such a quiet fire song.. my Dayton people feel me bc we all listened to U92 before we when to sleep.. This song was a personal choice for the cd..

2 Immature - Please Dont Go
Anything that uses RnB from the 90s.. gots to have an Immature track.. that nigga Roger (Batman) got down early on the vocals.. dont be on the phn or around me when this is on.. cuz a nigga will be singing it.. I think this was the video when he and his girlfriend we together and then she felt sick while they we washing a car or something and then she was in the hospital or something.. and died.. sad like the Aaron Hall video. Throwback moment for u..

3 Keith Sweat - How Deep Is Your Love
I just remember hearing this on U92 at nights.. and that damn bass line was crazy.. wooomp woomp woooomp womp.. had to throw this on there...

4 Brandy - BrokenHearted
This version was my favorite.. but she liked the one with Wanya... Brandy was my chick early in the day... that whole first album was my shit.. i played that tape all the time.. i would (no homo) sing this in my falsetto in the house and piss my mom off..

5 Mint Condition - You Send ME Swingin'
This song is totally off my personal subject for the mixtape.. this song is my friend Donna favorite song.. she has great taste in music.. and this was my nod to her.. hopin that one day she gets this mixtape and even if she doesnt like the other songs.. she will at least like one..

6 SWV - Use Your Heart
I had to mellow it out with some SWV... she said "[Name she calls me], you need some SWV on this mix.." we debated.. all of the songs i could think of were all upbeat.. so i shuffled thru some of their song titles.. and found this one.. i love this song.. so i listened to the words to see if they could apply.. and they do.. the song speaks of two people who are tryin to find that real thing.. two people seeking.. using their eyes... not their hearts.. the 2nd verse has meaning to it to me..

7 Janet Jackson - Come Back To Me
This was one of my favorite songs back in the day that i forgot about to Plies brought it back with the Bust It Baby part 2.. I love this song.. its sooo pretty.. she sounds good on this..

8 Janet Jackson - Making Love In The Rain
Ok.. this is where it gets really deep and personal.. making love is something that i never say that i do.. that will happen i guess when i fall in love.. but when me and her first kissed.. it was a rainy night.. and this song was in my head the whole time.. the connection was crazy.. at least for me.. it almost scared me.. you kno.. im Mr. No Emotions.. and now im kissing someone and hearing love songs in the background?? thats crazy.. I felt that when i ever make "love" that the kisses involved would feel like those that night.. deep right?

9 SOS BAND - Tell Me If You Still Care
This song is soo quiet fire.. i love the beat.. but i used this because i love the song of the transition from the song before to this one.. and i used it so i could mix the next song...

10 Mariah Carey - Always Be My Baby Remix
Same beat as track 9.. this song takes me back to 8th grade.. loved this song.. everyone sings to this when they hear this..

11 The Deele - Two Occasions
Little things mean a lot to me.. one time when we were on the phone.. she said this to me before we went to sleep and got off the phone.. i replied by saying.. quit playing.. she said.. Im laughing while i say it, but i mean it.. To have someone tell me what i would say to them makes me smile..

12 Brandy - I Wanna Be Down
This is another classic Brandy track.. we were on the phone thinkin back on this song and the dances that it makes u do when u hear it.. Its a song that anyone could relate to when they like someone.. so maybe this will have you thinkin about someone you would like to be down with..
"if all you need is time.. that i got plenty of"

13 Total - Kissing You Remix
Once again she was like "[Name she calls me], you aint got no Total on none of you Good Days Cds.." I was tryna wait on them for the Bad Boy RnB Mixtape.. but i thought i would drop this banging ass, summer feeling, love song.. when u hear this you just think of someone with you.. just yall two layin together.. looking at each other.. waitin on them to make that move for the kiss.. and when they finally do it.. u just feel your shoulders being untense.. you didnt even kno they was tense.. but it feel like you just exhaled or something.. and you just look at them in their eyes and bite you lip or smirk or something... or at least thats what i do.. haaa

14 - Faith Evans - Won't You Come Over
I had this song cued up to actually be on another mixtape.. The Originals pt 4 to be mixed with my nigga Flams song, Text Message.. But this song is sexy.. i thought that after to "Kissin U" there has to be something to build up on.. so i had to drop this on.. and speakin of drops.. you gotta pay attention to where I drop my name through out this song and the mixtape.. i drop my name so that when u are singing the song.. when the drop comes.. the ladies can just say my name right with it like they are singing to me..

15 Tevin Campbell - Always In My Heart
This song is kind of a dedication.. not the 1st verse.. more like the chorus.. "if i never ever tell you that i love.. just remember gurl Im sayin I do.. love u.." When I care about my people.. i really do care.. I love those who love me.. i might not say it much.. but i do feel that way.. Tevin says the words for me.. and sings them soooo well.. 2nd verse and the chorus is all me.

This is like the hardest thing for me to show the sensitive part of my mind.. and heart.. but i usually feel better after i express it.. even if the feelings dont turn into a relationship or whateva, im just proud of my heartless self of having feelings and allowing myself to open..
Background Story:
So many times before in my life gurls would be like.. "if you told me you liked me.. we couldve kicked it" so i prolly have missed out on a few people just by not showin emotions or letting no one in.. B/c the ones i do show emotions to and let in.. they usually fuck things up.. or just leave a nigga hanging.. so I've learned to be able to express my feelings to someone but not expect them to feel the same.. the ones i usually care about and love have their own situations or reasons why we arent to together.. I so used to dissappointment in women that it doesnt bother me as much as it used to.. i just want to show everyone that i do have feeling for that I care for them.. and always remember that u have a piece of my heart.. what they chose to do with it is on them.. i already kno ima be ok.. when im finally with the one GOD has made for me.. i hope they will have it in their hearts to be happy for the one they let go..

Wow... didnt expect to say this much.. shows that ive had a lot on my mind.

2008-05-22T00:29:00.001-04:00

***USHER - HERE I STAND*** DJ DURL Review
Whats good.. so the Usher just leaked.. so of course.. i had put my 2 cents in right??Well i been anticapating this one just like all of us RnB fans.. so i hope it doesnt dissappoint..
1- Intro
The intro is pretty hot.. Sound like her at church or something.. would be something to dedicate to a chick.. im feelin it... i just dont understadn why it was cut off..
2 - Love in the Club
We all kno how this jumps in the club.. we look forward to hearing this..
3- This Aint SexWeird
title.. made me worder how he was gonna go at this.. while listening to it.. i just kinda have straight face.. this song doesnt just catch me at the 1st listen... not a fan..
4- Trading Places
Beat comes in stupid hard.. this the kinda Usher song i been waiting for.. the grown shit.. that u wanna hear in the club and whisper it to the chick.. The chorus makes me smile.. its funny.. he got this off.. he speakin switchin roles with the chick.. from makin the breakfast.. to being on top.. to her tellin him to shut up bc "he" goin wake the neighbors.. shits kinda hot tho.. kinda reminds me on "Do it To Me"
5- Moving Mountains
If you got any of my recent rnb cds.. u have heard this early.. this song is my SHIIITTTTT... this on some "u got it bad" shit.. he speaking on the bad parts of the relationship when yall dont even speak.. dont even talk.. just argue.. but on the inside he struggling on tryna make it work.. but its too late.. what has been done has already been done... i think the dream wrote this.. at least it seems like it.. on the early version it sound like him on the bridge..This is ushers newest single.. the video is already on MYSPACE... search for it.. its really good..
6- Whats Your Name? ft Will I Am
Im def not a Will i Am fan.. the beat kinda makes me wanna skip the song.. it sounds like a Justin Timberlake sound.. 1st listen didnt make me wanna hear it again.. Will I Am.. isnt too bad on the song.. ::skips to the next song::
7- Prayer For You (Interlude)
This is a song for his baby... i cant relate.. but he sounds nice tho..
8-Something Special
At this point.. im like Cmon Usher.. impress me.. we been waitin since 04 for some hot shit... this song is kinda acoustic or unplugged.. i mean.. i see his aim for it.. but im just not impressed..
9- Love You Gently
Song comes on kinda rushed.. but it slows down shortly.. then it gets good.. another one of them slow jams thats gonna be on the mixtapes..
10- Best Thing ft JAY Z
I feel this.. i plan to be like this song one day.. jay speaks on the growth of a player.. scared of commitment and havin anyone close.. and how shes the best thing and he has grown to see that.. Glad Jay got 2 verses.. he spits truth.. makes me wanna find "The Best Thing"
11- Before I Met You
You can tell this nigga in love and got him a chick he cant live without.. he speaks on how he was a hustler and a player.. before he met you.. but you changed the game.. thats all it takes is one good one to put stuff in perspective..
12 - His Mistakes
Also on my mixtape 100% Usher.. he shows off his vocal range on this one.. i really repect that.. the store is the story of my life.. bein punish for another mans mistakes.. and its usually the babydaddy in my case.. love this song tho
13 - Appetite
this story is story of a commited man.. who still has a very big appetite for the women.. so he goes on the internet.. he finds a chick at the airport.. all types of stuff.. he on some Eric Benet sex addict shit with this one.. this nigga started rappin at the end.. Usher.. miss me with that tho..
14- Whats a Man To Do?
This song is about having two chicks.. loves both.. and is torn.. been there before.. damn near there now.. i feel this.. 15 - Lifetime
Its an ok song.. not too much to say about this one..
16 - Love in the Club pt 2
Pretty good songs too.. love this song.. beyonce and wayne do this song justice..
17- Here I Stand
This sounds like a Quiet Fire song.. i like the feel of it.. i would prolly catch myself singing it... its pretty nice2 mins after this song is over.. theres a bonus song.. i think its called "Will Work For Love"... nigga please..

I give the cd a strong 7 out of 10 on the 1st listen.. first listen is always the hardest for me.. so thats not tooo bad.. Usher just got high expectations.. confessions was that shit.... hope u enjoyed my review.. so go get the cd and read my review and see if u feel meDJDURL

Why Not Christina?

2008-05-10T23:26:00.002-04:00

So the whole Mariah/Nick thing have got me wondering.. Why is this nigga so lucky?
Mariah is a bad old lady.. and this dude has kept bad chicks on deck.. one word.. Milian..
Dip it low nigga? Ive always heard that behind every bad chick is a nigga tired of her bullshit.. shit, if a nigga can sheat on Halle Berry.. anyone can get cheated on.. I digress

But my thoughts are, is this nigga tryna come up? Does he have a CD on the way? Is this nigga gonna try to pull a Federline or better yet a Bobby Brown on that ass??
I hate to seem like a negative person.. but i wanna TiVo this and fast forward to the end.. I gotta see how this story is gonna end up.. Im thinkin its not gonna be good for Mariah.. prolly bc it cant get no worse for Nick forreal.. he aint really doin shit..

But forreal.. who meets at a video shoot and then gets married before the video even realeases? Where they do that at?
Then.. this dude get the ultimate thing to make you suck your teeth...

but why never with Christina... she was bad.. and prolly more fertile..
just my thoughts...

or

The Fuck?

What Should I Cop This Summer?

2008-05-10T23:03:00.002-04:00

So... summer time is bout to be crazy in the shoe game.. and since i aint gotta wait in line with the baby-mammies.. i think i might upgrade this summer... heres some options.. tell me what u can see me in..

Cubs Edition Fusions - June 16th

Olympic 6s - June 6th i think

Carmine 6's

White/Red 23s

Heres a shoe that i thought u might find interesting...
Hot pink Womens Nike OUTBREAKS.. not for me tho..

Baby-Mammies

2008-05-10T21:59:00.002-04:00

So today is Saturday, May 10th.. just a regular day for some.. but for us in the shoe business, its JORDAN day.. and now jordan has made it worse for us and combined Jordans and Forces and named them FUSIONS... Now niggas is hooked to these like chicken...

So today was the release of some gurl fusion.. that were purple and red.. dont get me wrong.. these were some of the freshest fusions out.. and if i had a chick, i wouldda got them for her..

.. and they came all the way down to infant sizes.. so i knew it was gonna be jumpin.. Every since we got them in on wednesday.. i been bribed countlessly by people tryna get them early

So this morning, after i get to work.. i start some weekely paperwork in my office..and then my assistant comes to me like... "They deep out there..". I look at the security cam and i see them outside.. lookin like they tailgating.. sitting on the hoods of cars.. playin music loud.. laughing and giggling.. mind u.. its 9:30 am.. i shake my head at this time..

So i go to the front.. and open the gates as we do every morning.. and it feel like im in a fishbowl.. they staring... watching.. checkin the time.. im like damn.. you got 15 mins til we open sweetie... Its two of us versus about 25 of them.. including their babies.. that they thought needed to be up and out to get some fusions..

Maybe im too judgemental.. but damn.. is it that serious that u gotta come and get up early... and wake the baby from his sleep that he does need to come get some shoes thats u gonna say is old in 4 days.. that all these other people with their houseshoes and wrapped heads are gonna be wearin in a coupla hours...

So its 10.. i had to let them in.. they flock straight back to the shoe wall yellin out numbers of shoe sizes.. like i can remember 8 different size and color combos from 3 different people.. sorry.. im not that sweet yet.. Im sayin.. like there were people waitin in line for jordans that they didnt even kno about.. they didnt even kno what color came out.. they just knew that some were comin out.. and they and they baby needed them.. Im back tryna service everyone... and my nose catches a smell.. an unpleasant smell.. mannnnn... someones baby was shitty as fuck.. thats when i got upset... so u gonna wake the baby.. and not even wash his ass.. but he gonna be fresh with these fusions.. the logic of all this is fucked up to me..

This is also when i tried to put myself in the situation.. wasnt no babydaddies out here.. so it was about 10 niggas babymommas being represented this morning.. what if that was my shitty baby? How mad would i be? Mad as fuck.. We would def got into an arguement.. its never that serious... these young moms be on some other...

Let us pray..
Please Lord... when u send someone in my life to carry on the O'Neal name and take care of my seed.. please give her a sound, logically mind that knows that sleep is more important that forces... that breakfast is more important that jordans.. that a clean behind is more important than fusions.. .please Lord i try not to ask for much.. but please dont let me have to go off on one of your children b/c of their love for Jordans..
In your Name I pray..
Amen..
DJDURL

Takes Me Back

2008-05-09T23:33:00.002-04:00

Me being the music man that i am, theres always always always music playin all the time during my life. So while i was here thinkin of someone.. a song popped in my head... so i go to my windows media players and type in "Bobby V" and it brings up his "Special Occasion" cd.. If we spoke on the phn during this past summer (summer of 07) or if u dropped by the apt in barringtons.. u heard bobby valentino cd on repeat heavily.. So i click on track 6 (If I Had My Way) and its like i had a gotdamn quantum leap and i was layin on my bed in 560 Q staring at the brick walls.. just in a daze.. This song was one that had deep meaning with me and one of my bestfriends.. she was goin thru her sitaution with another dude was messing her heart and mind up.. and it used to hurt me.. i used to tell her.. "If i had my way.. i would make things all better."

We used to go out to eat and track 6 and 7 (How Bout It)were always on repeat.. she always said these were our songs.. It so crazy how i play these songs today.. may 9th and it feel like its June 20th or something.. Its such a crazy thing how a song can take u so far out of where u actually are to a mental trip to where u were when u first heard the song.. or how u were feeling when u first heard the song.. or who u were sing the song to when u would sing it.. cuz i kno everytime i sang track 7 i was singing to her.. Today it got to a point where i stopped typin this bc i just wasnt mentally here right now.. i was in the car, taking the back way to Olive Garden and just lost in the moment with my bestfriend... shits crazy...

Summer of 07 was full of songs that will take me out of my present mind state.. "Crank Dat Soulja Boy", "Umbrella", "Wipe Me Down" and "Nigga Wit Money" to name a few... But another one that aint never leaving my thoughts is "Shawty" by Plies.. Whoooaaa.. this was "our" shit right their.. me and my summer love still think of each other when that comes on.. that song was us word for word... its so funny how music is soo controlling over thougths and emotions.. If your reading this.. you are def close to me.. so tell me what is a song that u can relate to us.. whats our song? what song would u play for me? what song would u want me to play for u?

Lovers and bestFriends

2008-05-09T22:54:00.004-04:00

Started on May9th:
In our constant search for the right one... how do we kno the one when we see it? We all have our own list of what our nearest to perfect match would be.. right? I kno i do and damn near always have.. i have the ones that i have as interest.. and ones that i just want around my life to help and coach and see me grow... the two i seperate as "Lovers" and "Bestfriends". Both of the two i always wanna be around.. Ive always been more cool with women more than men.. so ive always had a few bestfriends on deck since middle school.. The main thing that was the difference was the Lovers were the ones that i was more emotionally and physically involved with..

Bestfriends, were the ones who kept me mentally intrigued, most are the real smart girls who usually care the most about me.. my bestfriends are really territorial.. they genuinely care for me from the inside out.. they care about how im feeling today.. how my family is.. when we gonna kick it and get drunk.. all the good things..

The lovers are usually the ones i get blinded by infactuation with.. not always the best for me but i never see it bc they show me that lil bit of attention that my bestfriends dont.. b/c these gurls are attracted to me.. bestfriend isnt.. she just loves me.. the lover wants me.. sometimes u want to be wanted.. and thats what kept me there.. blinded by that i constantly got my feelings hurt.. which is when my bestfriends put the pieces back together and bring me back up to the level i need to be...

Bestfriend is always the one tellin you.. "she aint shit.. she just like u cuz u DJ DURL, i love Darrell, she dont even kno the real you"... then i hit her with the beatbox and tell her she trippin.. cuz remember.. im blinded.. cuz this gurl fits what i want in a chick:

Attractive, Attentive to me, Understands me, is honest with me, and is about something..

Or so i thought.. when them true colors show.. my bestfriend is always there for me.. telling me i told u so, and telling me how much she hate that bitch and that she better not see her on the streets... yadda yadda.. soundin like my crazy ass sister.. but with all of this knowledge of what is good for me.. why isnt the bestfriend the one?? why is the bestfriend being unnoticed as the X-factor that makes things better.. not sayin a chick will ever make me better.. but it would be a plus to have one in the equation.. feel me?

These thoughts have been in my thoughts lately.. i have a few bestfriends.. all of which i love very much.. all have been there for me at different times in my life and have been like a backbrace.. and keepin my head up like i got a nose bleed or something. My bestfriends give me all the confidence and swag that makes me who i am forreal.. my BFs tell me how much of a good person i am and how stupid chix are for not seeing it and keepin it.. wouldnt they be in the same catergory? I feel as if im rambling.. but I think my bestfriends are the prototypes of some of the strongest women i know.. all have had their struggle with the wrong men and are now on the right path and keepin it moving.. they are taking care of themselves and their babies if they have one.. they are not ur typical Dayton chix.. these chix are what i want in a woman...

Hence the situation, when is it ok to like your bestfriend? I mean you already love them, you already know them and their fam, you already know their favorite color, drink, meal and how they want their wedding to be... so why not?? Whats holding you both back? You two are so close, why not be close? you dont want no one to hurt the other, and you know that you wouldn't, so why not? What is the potential harm in "connecting" with your bestfriend? Why cant that just be a better friend, better than you ever thought? Do act like you never looked at her when she bends over... Dont act like you do look at him when he's driving and your in the passenger seat... Dont act like you do say "who is that bitch?" when some chick comes and gives him a hug when yall both out together as "bestfriends". "Bestfriends", is this your "just in case" person, is this who you finally choose when you are too lonely, and not getting the looks like you use too? Is this the person that you "might as well" mess with? Think of your opposite sex bestfriend, how would you feel if you asked them how they about you... and they say "I liked you from the begining.."? Would that scare you? would you be ashamed bc now you ex would tell you, "I told you so". Because... who really trusts their partners bestfriend of the opposite sex? I wouldnt. Would you embark on that? Would this mess up all that you built? or will this be the cherry on the top? A lot of questions right?

Thinking of all of this, what if you do explain how much you do love and like your bestfriend, and they actually feel the same... what do you do next? You can't call them bestfriend no more can you? Aint nothing that will take away a sexy moment than being called "Bestfriend" instead of your real name.. Are you losing a bestfriend while gaining a companion? Who do you tell your personal problems to now, you would usually tell them about your daily problems, problems with the opposite sex and etc. You can't do that no more?? What if things dont work? Yall just supposed to act like this never happened? You cant do that

With all of these words... statements.. and questions.. what would you do? Dive in and say fuck it? Or say hell nah? Let me know..

Some Songs You Might Want

2008-05-09T22:03:00.003-04:00

Fresh new song from Nelly.. fitting for Deveroes.. esp with all these fusions coming out..
NELLY FT JD & CIARA - STEP ON MY JAYS
http://www.zshare.net/audio/11751280fea0e041/

Jeezy got another hit produced by Dumma Boy.. same producer as Rick Ross' Money Make Me Cum... this one got him rippin and Kanye usin the Tpain/ Roget Troutman voice..
JEEZY FT KANYE - I PUT ON
http://www.zshare.net/audio/11446316b49d1967/

While we on music.. you kno i got a dummy amount of mixtapes availible and on the way... Im workin with the URBAN GORILLA DJs and we bout to try to get things jumpin this way.. they have their on radio show that already plays my mixes every wednesday... So all i need is all the support that yall can give.. If u got some mixes.. play them for everyone, burn them, speak on me.. whateva.. i need all that.. im tryna make the next steps...
I appreciate all of the support thusfar..
www.myspace.com/darrellakadj
www.myspace.com/urbangorilladjs

Falling hurts..

2008-05-09T11:16:00.002-04:00

So i observe, watch and learn from others..
I see everyone around me falling in and out of love. This is a cycle that i see some people goin thru wayyy too often and some people that i dont see go thru enough. For example, we all kno someone who we are cool with, that every few weeks or months has someone who is just "sooo great, understands me, makes me smile and does all the things i like". Then days later.. they hate them or act as if it was a phase they were going thru.. Then we have those who never seem to experience love from other than one person who does nothin but shit on them. Both of which arent healthy..
What do we do for or what do we say to both of these people? If we are one of these people, do we even recognize it. I think im one of the two.. and i want to break that cycle.. but how do i/you? When u want soo much that one thing that you want, does what others say really matter? Should it? ::shruggs::
I got friends goin thru this all the time.. some you get tired of the samething when u see no change.. or progression.. Others, you want so much better for them that u keep tryin.. sometimes more than they do...
What do u do at this point? I dont have the right answers... shitm when was the last time you saw me in a healthy, long lasting, loving relationship? right. But i see these things from both sides.. i see my friends stuck in the cycle..and i see myself liking and then losing interest or liking and not gettin my feelings getting sent back the same..

Just a thought

My 1st Blog...

2008-05-09T10:38:00.004-04:00

Welcome..
I've been thinking for a while about making a blog.. but i wondered.. who would read? who would care?
So i decided that i was enough to make a blog.. i can use this to express and reflect. I can use this as a diary of sorts or just something to show everyone the things i see and think in my everyday life.
My life is somewhat interesting 80% of the time.. So when i think life is interesting enough, i will blog about it.. feel me?

So my first blog will have to some type of purpose... so this one will share the video that im sure most of you have seen of Ryan Leslie playing the piano to Lollipop..
Man.. Im not really a fan of RLes so i overlooked the video the first couple times I seen it.. but i decided to watch it.. and i was like DAMNN.. this nigga got that off..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gT7tjt9aFL4&feature=user

this is the link for it.. it made me like the song all over again.. i wish i had this for my mixtapes.. this is crazy tho...

While your here.. ill let you kno what ill be blogging about:
Fashion - I mean.. i live in a clothing store.. of course ima talk about
Music - Music reviews.. what u should listenin to.. and music news
Life - Mostly my life or things that might help your life.
Women- A lot of my thoughts are about this subject.. so why not speak on it?
My mixtpaes- Of course

and im sure whatever my heart leads me to speak on, i will do so also..